NewsTarget: Health Satire - dementia, bullfights and diabetes

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NewsTarget: Health Satire - dementia, bullfights and diabetes

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 11:39:41 -0700

 

 

 

 

NewsTarget Insider Alert (www.NewsTarget.com)

HEALTH SATIRE / HUMOR category

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Happy Friday! Friday is the perfect day for health humor, isn't it?

 

Not to disappoint you, today we bring you another humorous " Health

roundup. " In today's installment, you'll laugh your way through

politically incorrect commentary about dementia drugs, bullfights and

teenage diabetes:

 

You want to hear something else funny? A bunch of folks from the USDA

d to this newsletter yesterday. I guess they need a bit of

humor as well...

 

To your health,

- Mike Adams, the Health Ranger

 

 

 

http://www.newstarget.com/017668.html

 

February 9 2006

Health roundup: Dementia drugs, bullfights and teenage diabetes

 

(satire)

 

 

Researchers have discovered that common prescription drugs

(antidepressants, allergy drugs and more) cause side effects that

mimic the onset of dementia. Well finally, this explains why patients

who get on one prescription drug always seem to lose their minds and

start popping five more drugs (all under doctor's orders, of course).

 

The reported side effects of these drugs -- called anticholinergics --

include confusion, memory loss and disorientation. These symptoms get

diagnosed (surprise!) as early dementia, which almost always gets

treated with -- guess what? -- pro-cholinergic medications. In other

words, the same patient ends up on two drugs with precisely the

opposite biological actions.

 

It's sort of like overdosing on caffeine to keep you awake while

popping sleeping pills to make sure you're relaxed, too. Only in

conventional medicine can you find such outright idiocy in the

treatment of patients, whose bodies are regarded as chemical testing

grounds for whatever new drug the FDA can rubber-stamp as " safe. " The

whole darned system of over-marketed pharmaceuticals is not merely

intellectually dishonest, it's outright fraudulent.

 

The fact is that the vast majority of senior citizens diagnosed with

dementia or Alzheimer's merely suffer from a combination of

brain-impairing prescription drugs and common nutritional deficiencies

that are easily corrected. Of course, getting this point across to

people requires them to possess some degree of remaining cognitive

function, and that's asking far too much of a population which takes

so many drugs that the chemicals are showing up in the drinking water

of major U.S. cities.

 

The mass-drugging of the U.S. population is no longer conspiracy talk,

it's mainstream America. Just drinking the water now gives you

micro-doses of a handful of potentially dangerous meds.

 

Rowdy bull turns cruel spectator sport into hands-on experience

In Mexico City, a half-ton bull named Pajarito (who obviously never

learned the rules of a bullfight) leapt into the stands and started

thrashing fans with his horns (the high-priced seats, no less). People

who thought they came to see the bull murdered as a form of

entertainment suddenly found themselves on the other end of the horns.

 

The moral of the story is that if you think watching the torture and

murder of animals is a form of entertainment, don't be surprised if

you end up with a six-inch gash in your chest when one of these bulls

decides it doesn't want to play by your rules.

 

People who get injured watching bullfights, in my view, get exactly

what they deserve. In fact, this could be a whole new sport: Let the

bulls loose in the stands at every show, and broadcast the whole thing

on webcams so the rest of us can be entertained, too. Why limit the

fun only to those in attendance? This could be the next big-time

reality TV show!

 

Teenage kids now have diabetes

It has been discovered that U.S. children as young as 13 are now

showing diabetes risk factors. This " disease " (actually just a

metabolic effect of massive sugar consumption combined with a lack of

exercise) used to be called adult-onset diabetes, but now so many

children are acquiring it that the " adult " classification seems

irrelevant.

 

The most astonishing thing about this new trend of diabetic teens is

that the parents don't think their kids are overweight! I was at a

social event recently where I saw a five-year old kid who looked like

a sumo wrestler. When I asked his parents whether they thought his

weight might be dangerously high, they laughed and said, " No, he's

just a healthy eater! "

 

A healthy eater? For those of you who may not be familiar with the

subtleties of American lingo, this phrase actually means, " a BIG

eater. " As in, the kid eats more food than a high school football team

at a Friday night pizza buffet.

 

The kid's parents, of course, are obese, too -- a fact that

overeducated health researchers will quickly point out in reaching the

erroneous conclusion that " Obesity is genetic! " It must be the genes,

see? All that pizza, soda, milk, cheese and candy has absolutely

nothing to do with it, as the kid will handily tell you himself

between mouthfuls.

 

Have you ever watched a sugar-addicted, diabetic American ten year old

kid on Halloween? He feels as if he's won the candy lottery. He's as

surprised as a corrupt politician who wins a reelection campaign. " You

mean to tell me, " he asks himself, " people just hand out candy for

free? And you just walk around and collect all you want? "

 

It would be like a crack addict learning that crack grows on trees. Or

like Donald Rumsfeld hearing forty-five countries simultaneously

announce, " Please invade us. We want YOUR form of government for all

our people! "

 

Sugar has this effect on children, which is why they are so good at

manipulating their parents into giving it to them. Sugar, actually, is

the drug of familial dysfunction and yet parents don't even think

their kids are eating excessive amounts. " No more than the other kids

eat, " they'll proudly explain. Between mouthfuls.