Life is a choice

[Guest guest]

Mary wrote that every day life is a choice! Thanks Mary. I forgot, and I really needed to be told again!How True. I needed that reminder! I had breast cancer in 1997, and was terrified! When alternatives didn't work, I had a mastectomy and then chemotherapy. I was told that I most likely wouldn't live 5 years because of very likely recurrence, because I had the extremely undifferentiated cells.

I was terrified! I'd been to a spiritual

workshop and been partnered with a beautiful woman who said that she

had been in remission 14 years, but woke up in terror every day. Being

a naive fool, I believed her, and thought that was how I should feel. So I decided to run away from home! I sold all my belongings, bought a tiny used motor home, found a summer job in a National Forest, and hit the road. Along the way, I met people who obviously had life-threatening illnesses and had a wonderful sparkle in their eyes. In conversation, I talked with still more whose illnesses were not as visible (waiting for liver transplant), who also took joy in life.

So I asked them HOW. No one said a thing about religion. Not one. Every single person said that IT'S A CHOICE! Every day when they woke up, they chose to find joy or depression! Reach out or isolate yourself! After being kicked in the head with this news over and over, I decided that if they could do it, I could too. And that I could fake it, 'til I made it.

I forgot. It's been a really tough year for me. Time to make that New Year Resolution. Choose Joy and courage, instead of misery and defeat. And, this choice does not depend on outcomes. Fight for what you choose, but accept whatever happens.

Dang. Sounds so easy. I need all of you to help me remember. Rhoda

[Guest guest]

Rhoda......Beautifully put!Love,oleander soup , "Rhoda Mead" <hummingbird541 wrote:>> *Mary wrote that every day life is a choice! Thanks Mary. I forgot, and I> really needed to be told again!> > How True. I needed that reminder!> I had breast cancer in 1997, and was terrified! When alternatives didn't> work, I had a mastectomy and then chemotherapy. I was told that I most> likely wouldn't live 5 years because of very likely recurrence, because **I> had the extremely undifferentiated cells.> I was terrified! I'd been to a spiritual workshop and been partnered> with a beautiful woman who said that she had been in remission 14 years, but> woke up in terror every day. Being a naive fool, I believed her, and thought> that was how I should feel.*> * So I decided to run away from home! I sold all my belongings, bought a> tiny used motor home, found a summer job in a National Forest, and hit the> road. Along the way, I met people who obviously had life-threatening> illnesses and had a wonderful sparkle in their eyes. In conversation, I> talked with still more whose illnesses were not as visible (waiting for> liver transplant), who also took joy in life.> > So I asked them HOW. No one said a thing about religion. Not one. Every> single person said that IT'S A CHOICE! Every day when they woke up, they> chose to find joy or depression! Reach out or isolate yourself! After being> kicked in the head with this news over and over, I decided that if they> could do it, I could too. And that I could fake it, 'til I made it.> I forgot. It's been a really tough year for me. Time to make that New> Year Resolution. Choose Joy and courage, instead of misery and defeat. And,> this choice does not depend on outcomes. Fight for what you choose, but> accept whatever happens.> > Dang. Sounds so easy.> > I need all of you to help me remember.> > Rhoda> > > > *>

[Guest guest]

Oh Rhoda!! This is wonderful news. So wonderful. We ALL need to read and re-read your message, because it is the absolute truth. It's a choice. All of it. We choose how we look at any situation, how we react, how we feel, how we behave. And choosing what is best for us--joy, love, happiness, peace, grace, forgiveness, tolerance--all of these are choices we can make. Even with a broken heart, we can choose to smile, to forgive, to accept. Even with pain we can choose to focus on light and happiness and laughter. Even in fear we can choose to trust, to fight, to live. Choices. Always, always choose the best for yourself. Choose to be the Highest Version of the Grandest Vision of Yourself that you have.

 

Samala,

Renee

 

 

----

 

Mary wrote that every day life is a choice! Thanks Mary. I forgot, and I really needed to be told again!

[Guest guest]

Well put, gal! That sounds a lot like my philosophy. And your partnering with that other woman reminds me of the 12 step programs in AA and NA and similar groups. They tell you that you are a lifetime addict and will never not be an addict and you are expected to have cravings and live in fear of relapse every day for the rest of your life. What a crock! No wonder those groups have such a horrible success rate!

By the way, I am still looking for that tiny used motor home or used SUV and travel trailer to travel to the forests and lakes in. And mountains and beaches and . . . just gotta have room for a couple of eternally young codgers and a couple of pooches and we'll be set.

One of these days, we really are going to take our show on the road and operate the groups and forums and websites and whatever from wherever out trusty laptops can get a connection.

Until then, living here in the boonies listening to the coyotes every night, watching the sunsets, spending weekends at the pasture and woods and taking the occasional detour down to Utopia and back is not so bad at all.

oleander soup , "Rhoda Mead" <hummingbird541 wrote:>> *Mary wrote that every day life is a choice! Thanks Mary. I forgot, and I> really needed to be told again!> > How True. I needed that reminder!> I had breast cancer in 1997, and was terrified! When alternatives didn't> work, I had a mastectomy and then chemotherapy. I was told that I most> likely wouldn't live 5 years because of very likely recurrence, because **I> had the extremely undifferentiated cells.> I was terrified! I'd been to a spiritual workshop and been partnered> with a beautiful woman who said that she had been in remission 14 years, but> woke up in terror every day. Being a naive fool, I believed her, and thought> that was how I should feel.*> * So I decided to run away from home! I sold all my belongings, bought a> tiny used motor home, found a summer job in a National Forest, and hit the> road. Along the way, I met people who obviously had life-threatening> illnesses and had a wonderful sparkle in their eyes. In conversation, I> talked with still more whose illnesses were not as visible (waiting for> liver transplant), who also took joy in life.> > So I asked them HOW. No one said a thing about religion. Not one. Every> single person said that IT'S A CHOICE! Every day when they woke up, they> chose to find joy or depression! Reach out or isolate yourself! After being> kicked in the head with this news over and over, I decided that if they> could do it, I could too. And that I could fake it, 'til I made it.> I forgot. It's been a really tough year for me. Time to make that New> Year Resolution. Choose Joy and courage, instead of misery and defeat. And,> this choice does not depend on outcomes. Fight for what you choose, but> accept whatever happens.> > Dang. Sounds so easy.> > I need all of you to help me remember.> > Rhoda> > > > *>

[Guest guest]

Rhoda.

 

I'M A BIG DUFUS.

Thank you for opening my eyes, that's it, no more depression for Mary.

i'm healty i have no physical problems and i was a misery, BUT NO MORE.

 

Thank you Rhoda

 

 

-

Rhoda Mead

oleander soup

Friday, January 09, 2009 4:00 PM

Life is a choice

 

 

Mary wrote that every day life is a choice! Thanks Mary. I forgot, and I really needed to be told again!How True. I needed that reminder! I had breast cancer in 1997, and was terrified! When alternatives didn't work, I had a mastectomy and then chemotherapy. I was told that I most likely wouldn't live 5 years because of very likely recurrence, because I had the extremely undifferentiated cells. I was terrified! I'd been to a spiritual workshop and been partnered with a beautiful woman who said that she had been in remission 14 years, but woke up in terror every day. Being a naive fool, I believed her, and thought that was how I should feel. So I decided to run away from home! I sold all my belongings, bought a tiny used motor home, found a summer job in a National Forest, and hit the road. Along the way, I met people who obviously had life-threatening illnesses and had a wonderful sparkle in their eyes. In conversation, I talked with still more whose illnesses were not as visible (waiting for liver transplant), who also took joy in life. So I asked them HOW. No one said a thing about religion. Not one. Every single person said that IT'S A CHOICE! Every day when they woke up, they chose to find joy or depression! Reach out or isolate yourself! After being kicked in the head with this news over and over, I decided that if they could do it, I could too. And that I could fake it, 'til I made it. I forgot. It's been a really tough year for me. Time to make that New Year Resolution. Choose Joy and courage, instead of misery and defeat. And, this choice does not depend on outcomes. Fight for what you choose, but accept whatever happens. Dang. Sounds so easy. I need all of you to help me remember. Rhoda

[Guest guest]

Dear Rhoda:Your email so touched me................

thank you!hugs

Joyce

ps are you still running away from home?

 

 

In a message dated 1/8/2009 11:00:29 P.M. Central Standard Time, hummingbird541 writes:

I forgot. It's been a really tough year for me. Time to make that New Year Resolution. Choose Joy and courage, instead of misery and defeat. And, this choice does not depend on outcomes. Fight for what you choose, but accept whatever happens. Dang. Sounds so easy. I need all of you to help me remember. A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

[Guest guest]

ok this came a the right time, going to reread a lot!I was in 12 Step for many

years maybe be time to look for some meetings.CODA saved my life years

back.sandy

[Guest guest]

Sandy -

 

After two different one year plus stints as a mostly volunteer (OK - I

got a whopping $50 a week paid intermittently during the last period) at

a drug and alcohol rehabilitation program for young men I have lots of

experience with 12 step programs, and I also did quite a bit of research

into the 12 step programs and concept.

 

The bottom line is I don't like them and they are far from the most

effective treatment to break addictions, but, like mainstream medicine

they have a huge lobby behind them and have managed to insert themselves

as the preferred treatment in the judicial system and help

organizations.

 

By far the best success comes as a result of caring intervention

followed by the support, understanding and encouragement of friends and

family.

 

Of course, admitting one has a problem - which is what leads to

participation in 12 step programs usually is the first step towards

recovery, and I do like the idea of a support group and relinquishing

self will when self will has gotten you into difficulties repeatedly

(but only doing so in order to retrain your self will towards healthy

pursuits). What I do not like is he programming that tells members

that they will always be addicts and have to fight cravings for drugs,

alcohol, sex, etc., or fight depressions or whatever the program is

centered around for every day for the rest of your life.

 

Baloney! There is no need to be locked into mutltiple weekly meetings

for the rest of your life if you embrace the belief that you can

eliminate old habits and ways of thinking and pass on to a healthy form

of life where you can say that you once were an addict, or had a

addictive type of problem and/or personality but are no longer that way

- instead of sitting around a meeting identifying yourself as an addict

several times per meeting and several meetings per week or month.

 

Those groups can help you restore order and gain a healthier structure,

but too often they just replace the addiction that caused the problem

with the addiction to the group - and from what I have observed

repeatedly, many members come to the group to share war stories so that

they vicariously relieve their addictive episodes and share in those of

others (often doing so as they puff away on cigarettes and down coffee

and sugar by the gallon).

 

Embrace life. Cultivate healthy habits and a healthy lifestyle. Find

someone else who has beaten a similar problem without thinking that they

have to wake up every day depressed, frightened or craving and believing

that they are one slip up away from going all the way back to the

bottom.

 

What we all tend to forget is that the brain is a major organ just like

the lungs, liver, heart, kidneys and so forth. It needs proper

nutrition in order to function on a health level the same as the rest of

the body. A good healthy diet with supplements as needed and healthy

lifestyle can go a long way towards good mental health and attitude.

People who are vegans need to be especially aware of this, because you

really should know what you are doing or else you may be missing key

nutritional components that are essential for both mental and physical

health.

 

Just my two cents. The groups do help some, and if you are one of those

then it might be a good idea - just don't think that a period of

depression or compulsive and destructive behavior condemns you to a

lifetime of being somehow diseased and not normal.

 

Hugs,

 

 

 

oleander soup , Sandy eubank <sandyeubank

wrote:

>

> ok this came a the right time, going to reread a lot!I was in 12 Step

for many years maybe be time to look for some meetings.CODA saved my

life years back.sandy

>

[Guest guest]

Have you read Grace and Grit? It's by Ken Wilbur and his wife Treya about her breast cancer. She is now deceased. I love the term she coined - "passionate equanimity". She was passionate about the process but not attached to the outcome. That sounds a lot like where you are - making a choice, but not overly attached to outcomes. I try to stay in that place, but I also "forget" what I decided. Reminders are good. Thanks

Corky

 

-

Rhoda Mead

oleander soup

Thursday, January 08, 2009 11:00 PM

Life is a choice

 

 

Mary wrote that every day life is a choice! Thanks Mary. I forgot, and I really needed to be told again!How True. I needed that reminder! I had breast cancer in 1997, and was terrified! When alternatives didn't work, I had a mastectomy and then chemotherapy. I was told that I most likely wouldn't live 5 years because of very likely recurrence, because I had the extremely undifferentiated cells. I was terrified! I'd been to a spiritual workshop and been partnered with a beautiful woman who said that she had been in remission 14 years, but woke up in terror every day. Being a naive fool, I believed her, and thought that was how I should feel. So I decided to run away from home! I sold all my belongings, bought a tiny used motor home, found a summer job in a National Forest, and hit the road. Along the way, I met people who obviously had life-threatening illnesses and had a wonderful sparkle in their eyes. In conversation, I talked with still more whose illnesses were not as visible (waiting for liver transplant), who also took joy in life. So I asked them HOW. No one said a thing about religion. Not one. Every single person said that IT'S A CHOICE! Every day when they woke up, they chose to find joy or depression! Reach out or isolate yourself! After being kicked in the head with this news over and over, I decided that if they could do it, I could too. And that I could fake it, 'til I made it. I forgot. It's been a really tough year for me. Time to make that New Year Resolution. Choose Joy and courage, instead of misery and defeat. And, this choice does not depend on outcomes. Fight for what you choose, but accept whatever happens. Dang. Sounds so easy. I need all of you to help me remember. Rhoda

[Guest guest]

Shalom Shabbat--

 

OK now lets see you said " By far the best success comes as a result of caring

intervention follow by support and encouragement from friends and family " YES

thats right thats what 12 Step Program was for me and friends.I was never locked

in to any,I went because at first it was the only thing in my life that made

sense.I saw things I did not agree with but was in church at that time and 12

Steps was nothing compared to that!!!I re-learned I was not in control and

someone else was.Yea.

wow I never sit around saying I was an addict good heavens---I was am a child of

the most High and thats what all got a dose of, that we are loved and most cared

for.When ones started to share same thing several weeks in a row I would gently

remind them they were nursing and rehearsing and lets look at their next action

on the road up.

Heavens I was never ever ever around cigarettes.We often went out to eat after

gathering and eating sweets if they wanted was better than going home and

putting a gun to head.Love,fellowship and talking can help here.

I must have been on a different planet than yours,I saw much good and would not

trade the friends I made and how we laugh now looking back.My groups were all

women and mine was CODA.Which kills as fast as any drug.BUT I do understand

about getting in a rut,but I tried to not let this happen. It all has to do with

leadership.I didn't follow many rules and used what ever materials I

wanted.These groups have helped many,I saw it from 1986 when I first started

going until about 5 years ago when I stopped teaching.

I am often at dis-ease and not sure what " normal " you speak of. I am a mother

and lover of people[women] and believe if you have the right leadership ones can

regain their purpose in life.It was one of the tools Yeshua used in my life,one

I had never even heard of before.

Sooo dear Tony my experience was very different from yours. " If you work it it

works " something like that but I always knew there was one guiding my steps even

through all the hell.

Would not trade one meeting for staying at home crying feeling hopeless and not

wanting to live,not one.I carry with me every day lessons learned and know Step1

is the start of a new life.It worked for me and many others.

sandy

[Guest guest]

Gut Shabbes and gezunterhait!

Good for you Sandy! Many people have been helped by such programs and many invaluable friendships have been forged. I absolutley agree that going to meetings is better than sitting at home crying, and I think that it is wonderful that you have gotten so much benefit.

I have been to scores of different AA and NA groups due to my work with the drug and alcohol rehab group, and that world is indeed often a much different world than groups for other conditions. In those groups, people too often substitute their addictions for drugs with the group itself, and their substance addiction manifests itself with heavy smoking and coffee drinking.

When it comes to AA and NA (and presumably other 12-step groups) those who stick it out for three to six months have better success rates. Most don't though and the fact is that the overall success rate for long term sobriety is no more than 5%.

There are a great many programs that have much higher success rates for alcohol and drug addiction. One of the most successful is the Jude Thaddeus program.

All the best,

oleander soup , Sandy eubank <sandyeubank wrote:>> Shalom Shabbat--> > OK now lets see you said "By far the best success comes as a result of caring intervention follow by support and encouragement from friends and family"YES thats right thats what 12 Step Program was for me and friends.I was never locked in to any,I went because at first it was the only thing in my life that made sense.I saw things I did not agree with but was in church at that time and 12 Steps was nothing compared to that!!!I re-learned I was not in control and someone else was.Yea.> wow I never sit around saying I was an addict good heavens---I was am a child of the most High and thats what all got a dose of, that we are loved and most cared for.When ones started to share same thing several weeks in a row I would gently remind them they were nursing and rehearsing and lets look at their next action on the road up.> Heavens I was never ever ever around cigarettes.We often went out to eat after gathering and eating sweets if they wanted was better than going home and putting a gun to head.Love,fellowship and talking can help here.> I must have been on a different planet than yours,I saw much good and would not trade the friends I made and how we laugh now looking back.My groups were all women and mine was CODA.Which kills as fast as any drug.BUT I do understand about getting in a rut,but I tried to not let this happen. It all has to do with leadership.I didn't follow many rules and used what ever materials I wanted.These groups have helped many,I saw it from 1986 when I first started going until about 5 years ago when I stopped teaching.> I am often at dis-ease and not sure what "normal" you speak of. I am a mother and lover of people[women] and believe if you have the right leadership ones can regain their purpose in life.It was one of the tools Yeshua used in my life,one I had never even heard of before.> Sooo dear Tony my experience was very different from yours."If you work it it works" something like that but I always knew there was one guiding my steps even through all the hell.> Would not trade one meeting for staying at home crying feeling hopeless and not wanting to live,not one.I carry with me every day lessons learned and know Step1 is the start of a new life.It worked for me and many others.> sandy>

[Guest guest]

Rhoda, you are so right.

 

Over 15 years ago when my boyfriend (now husband) was diagnosed with

HIV and HEPC we thought it was a death sentence. We were about to get

married and had both had blood tests because we were planning on

starting a family. The results were a bombshell. 10 yrs earlier as a

teenager he had had problems with heroine use but with the support of

his sister and mum went cold turkey and kicked the habit for good.

Despite 8 years of unprotected sex (I was on the pill) I was not

infected with HIV. We were about to get married and buy our first

home (mortgage).

 

I told him I wanted to go through with everything on one condition:

we went ahead with the plan to start a family as soon as we were a

had paid some of the house debts.

 

A couple of years later I said it was time to start our family, he

had doubts, kids could end up without a father, etc. I stuck to my

guns, all my life I had wanted to have children and I new he did too.

I didn-t want his health condition to condition our lives. So we went

ahead. Luckily we live in Italy and the San Paolo clinic in milan was

running a protocol for HIV discordant couples to have the male HIV

partner's sperm washed and then inseminated into the female non HIV

partner. (At the time this was the only clinic in the world to carry

out this technique and it was free for Europeans). There were a load

of screening tests to check fertility and then we were in. After my

5th try I finally got pregnant, beleive or not it was the only time

F. (hub) couldn-t make it with me so he drove his car to a petrol

station on the outskirts of Milan, did his " duty " in the toilet, gave

me his pot of future babies and left me to go to the hospital. The

hospital accepted the pot, washed the sperm and shot it up me. And

that's how we got our first baby! A beautiful little girl.

 

A year or so later we were ready for number 2, I contacted the

hospital and was back in the programme. When it was time to go down

for monitoring there were problems getting through to the clinic;s

phone lines to book in because of the high number of requests so I

turned up on day 17 of my cycle for monitoring without advisig. The

doctor was really nasty (she was called Wutzovitz but was more like

Wotabitch) and sent me packing. I was upset to say the least.

 

However, during my frequent visits to the hospital I had met a lot of

people. Whenever I heard foreign couples there I new it was almost

certain they were HIV discordant. I would get talking to them and for

all of us it was a releif to know other couples in the same

situation. HIV is still something people rarely go public with so

actually talking freely about it was great. I met mainly Americans,

English, Italian. One american girl was living in Paris and her hub

was being following by the Pasteur clinic. They had an alternative

view on HIV infection between heterosexual couples, their theory was

that in a relaxed sexual relationship the womans natural discharge

would protect her from infection so a gentle lovemaking was better

than artificial insemination which actually involved a needle (could

accidentally prick the woman ...). Also I took into consideration my

8 years of non condom use prior to F.'s diagnosis. So ... that very

ame night and 2 nights later we had gentle unprotected sex. Thus came

beautiful baby girl number 2!! We did not push our luck any furher.

 

Now 10 years later, after a lot of ups and downs, we have 2 wonderful

daughters (as well as 2 dogs and 2 cats) and a few years ago also

bought a new home (still not quite finished) in a wonderul location

which we (mainly he) helped build.

 

We have a lot of things to deal with and it is not easy BUT we have

the satifisfaction of what we managed to build together despite

having he odds stacked against us. We CHOSE to move on with our life

and whatever happens after today we came a long way and got through a

lot of bad patches.

 

I hope this story helps people realise that you have to make the most

of life whatever is thrown your way.

 

Hugs

 

Nelly

 

PS Sorry if I have droned on here but Rhoda your story inspired me to

tell mine.

 

 

 

> -

> Rhoda Mead

> oleander soup

> Friday, January 09, 2009 4:00 PM

> Life is a choice

>

>

> Mary wrote that every day life is a choice! Thanks Mary. I

forgot, and I really needed to be told again!

>

> How True. I needed that reminder!

> I had breast cancer in 1997, and was terrified! When

alternatives didn't work, I had a mastectomy and then chemotherapy. I

was told that I most likely wouldn't live 5 years because of very

likely recurrence, because I had the extremely undifferentiated cells.

> I was terrified! I'd been to a spiritual workshop and been

partnered with a beautiful woman who said that she had been in

remission 14 years, but woke up in terror every day. Being a naive

fool, I believed her, and thought that was how I should feel.

> So I decided to run away from home! I sold all my belongings,

bought a tiny used motor home, found a summer job in a National

Forest, and hit the road. Along the way, I met people who obviously

had life-threatening illnesses and had a wonderful sparkle in their

eyes. In conversation, I talked with still more whose illnesses were

not as visible (waiting for liver transplant), who also took joy in

life.

>

> So I asked them HOW. No one said a thing about religion. Not

one. Every single person said that IT'S A CHOICE! Every day when they

woke up, they chose to find joy or depression! Reach out or isolate

yourself! After being kicked in the head with this news over and

over, I decided that if they could do it, I could too. And that I

could fake it, 'til I made it.

> I forgot. It's been a really tough year for me. Time to make

that New Year Resolution. Choose Joy and courage, instead of misery

and defeat. And, this choice does not depend on outcomes. Fight for

what you choose, but accept whatever happens.

>

> Dang. Sounds so easy.

>

> I need all of you to help me remember.

>

> Rhoda

>

[Guest guest]

Rhoda, look at the wonderful water you brought up from your well.

What a blessing! If we let our trials stir up the water that is in

us, we can make amazing discoveries. We will find things we did not

know were in us. Things that we can give to others, too, as you just

did.

Thank you.

 

Tony, I understand your objections to 12 Step groups. But I also

kknow that we each have our own path, and the groups can be very life-

giving to those who can benefit from the message at the heart of

these groups. I am a very strong Christian who found that the

institutional church was not equipped to help my husband and I deal

with the addiction issues he was struggling with or my dysfunctional

response to them.

 

For us, we got a lot of support, help and understanding through the

groups. He in AA and I in Al-Anon. We haven't needed the groups for

years, but the lessons we garnered there were wonderful. God is in

those rooms, for sure.

 

Nothing's perfect, but if we pay attention, and God directs us that

way, then He will meet us there, even if someone else is getting

nothing from it---it maybe not being the place where God will mett

with them.

 

Lovingly, Jill~