SATIRE - CHOLESTEROL THEORY WIPES OUT HUMAN RACE

[Guest guest]

The following " Press Release " parody imagines a time in the not-too-distant

fulture when humanity dies out from following the cholesterol theory of heart

disease.

 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 

CHOLESTEROL THEORY WIPES OUT HUMAN RACE

http://www.diabetes-book.com/articles/PressRelease04092057.shtml

http://www.westonaprice.org/press/press_09APR02.html

 

PLANET EARTH, April 9, 2057 - A faulty theory on the origin and cause of

heart disease, introduced on Planet Earth 100 years prior to this date, has

caused

the demise of the human race, according to a Pleiadean delegation report. The

theory led to food choices that proved lethal to humans over several

generations.

 

" We were surprised at the rapidity of its effects, " said the commission's

chairman, " and the tenacity of the theory. Even when infertility and early death

became widespread, humans did not question the validity of the basic

assumptions. "

 

The delegation, which visits Planet Earth once every fifty earth years on

fact-finding missions, estimated the decrease in earthling numbers at almost 99

percent. Only pockets of isolated populations and some descendants of

impoverished dairy farmers, too poor to purchase supermarket foods, remained.

 

Proponents of the cholesterol theory maintained that animal fats and

cholesterol from animal foods were the cause of heart disease. Vegetable oils

gradually replaced animal fats in the human diet as Earth-dwellers sought to

lower

their blood cholesterol below the levels needed to produce reproductive

hormones.

The introduction of imitation foods rich in plant-based estrogens, and of

plant sterols into commonly eaten foods, exacerbated the antifertility effects.

 

Humans were also encouraged to take drugs to lower cholesterol levels and

these had side effects such as cancer, which contributed to the population

decline. And heart disease increased, in spite of rigid adherence to

cholesterol-lowering regimes. Low cholesterol levels also contributed to an

increase in

deaths from suicide and violence. In addition, children experienced growth

problems

and increasing numbers failed to reach sexual maturity. The investigators

cited the lack of protective nutrients found in animal fats as a factor

exacerbating all these conditions.

 

Ironically, a few earthling scientists had warned against the effects of

diets based on vegetable oils, the commission found. But these souls were either

ignored or persecuted. Over time, mental ability declined, with great numbers

of children experiencing learning difficulties and attention deficit disorder.

Alzheimer's and senility increased among the elderly. Humans could no longer

make sense of ancestral dietary traditions or of published studies on the role

of animal fats in human nutrition.

 

The real enemy, according to the report, was fear. " Humans were taught to

fear the very foods that had made their evolution possible, " said the observers.

" They were very gullible and believed the advertisements and pronouncements of

those who profited from the sale of vegetable oils and cholesterol-lowering

drugs. "

 

" Even if earthlings can overcome their fear and return to traditional foods, "

said the commission, " it will take centuries to repopulate the earth. " The

delegation expressed regret at the waste of a fine planet.

 

See also The Oiling of America, by Mary Enig, PhD and Sally Fallon

http://www.westonaprice.org/knowyourfats/oiling.html