OT: Church Ladies With Typewriters

[Guest guest]

Hi y'all ..

 

Time for a chuckle or three. This came from someone on this list .. and there

are a

few here that will definitely bring a chuckle. ;-p Butch

 

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared

in

church bulletins or were announced in church services:

 

1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary

Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

 

2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference:

" The

cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. "

 

3. The sermon this morning: " Jesus Walks on the Water. " The sermon tonight:

" Searching for Jesus. "

 

4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the

recreation

hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

 

5. " Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those

things

not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

 

6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a

conflict.

 

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone

who

is hard to love. Say " Hell " to someone who doesn't care much about you.

 

8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

 

9. Miss Charlene Mason sang " I will not pass this way again, " giving obvious

pleasure

to the congregation.

 

10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery

downstairs.

 

11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help

they

can get.

 

12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more

transfusions. She

is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

 

13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing:

" Break Forth Into Joy. "

 

14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church.

So

ends a friendship that began in their school days.

 

15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will

follow.

 

16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be " What Is Hell? "

Come

early and listen to our choir practice.

 

17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several

new

members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

 

18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.

Proceeds

will be used to cripple children.

 

19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person

you

want remembered.

 

20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

 

21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and

gracious

hostility.

 

22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

 

23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be

seen

in the basement on Friday afternoon.

 

24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the

Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

 

25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are

invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

 

26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend

him

their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

 

27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the

back

door.

 

28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church

basement

Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

 

29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please

use

large double door at the side entrance.

 

30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan

last

Sunday: " I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours. "

 

31. Our next song is: " Angels We Have Heard Get High. "