News Flash

[Guest guest]

Washington,

DC

--

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United

States of America will

be outsourced to India as of May 2 1, 2008.

The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly

salary,

and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related

overhead

that his office has incurred during the last 7 years. It is anticipated

that

$231 billion can be saved to the end of the President's term. 'We

believe this

is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge,' stated

Congressman Thomas Reynolds

(R-WA).

'We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level

of cash

outlay,' Reynolds noted.

 

Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.

Preparations

for the job move have been underway for some time.

 

Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai , India will assume

the office of President as of May

21, 2008 .

Mr. Singh

was born in the United States

while his

Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY,

thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of

$320

(USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits.

 

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job

responsibilities

without a support staff. Due to the time difference

between the US and

India,

he will be working primarily at night. 'Working nights will allow me to

keep my

day job at the Dell Computer

Call Center,'

stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. 'I am excited about this

position.

I always hoped I would be President.'

A

Congressional spokesperson noted that

while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in

the office

of President, this should not be a problem as President Bush had never

been

familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh

will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to

respond. He can address common concerns without having to understand

the

underlying issue at all. 'We know these scripting tools work,' stated

the

spokesperson. 'President Bush has used them successfully

for years, with

the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was

talking

about.'

 

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final

day of

employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible

for $140 a

week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible

for

Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

 

Mr. Bush has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower,

Inc. to help him

write a

resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to

Manpower, Mr. Bush may have

difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful

work

experience during his lifetime.

A

greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested.