2010 Health Resolution – Walk in Forgiveness

April 2, 2010

By: Dr. Loretta Lanphier, ND, CN, HHP, CH

"Learning to forgive is one of the great paths to inner peace" Anonymous.

It

has been said that harboring resentment and holding back forgiveness is

like drinking poison and hoping the otherperson dies. Physics dictates

that what goes on in the mind will have an effect on the physical

body. It is also interesting to note that forgiveness is something

nearly all Americans want — 94% surveyed in a nationwide Gallup poll

indicated it was important to forgive — but only 48% said they usually

tried to forgive others. Besides making you miserable

and zapping your enjoyment from life, un-forgiveness comes with a

laundry list of negative health effects. Psychologist Loren Toussaint

of Luther University in Iowa was among the first to demonstrate a

long-term link between people's health and their ability to forgive. In

what many call the new science of forgiveness, numbers of overwhelming

case studies have shown:

The Benefits of Extending Forgiveness

Reduced stress and hostilityFewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic painLower risk of alcohol and substance abuseImproved heart function/ lower blood pressureImproved relationshipsGreater spiritual and psychological well-beingImproved sleep

Source: Harvard Health Publications

Seems easy enough, but forgiveness is often preached, instead of

practiced. The negative effects of prolonged anger/resentment have also

been well documented, showing links to serious physical ailments such

as: anxiety disorders, depression, heart attack, high blood pressure,

digestive issues and irregular heartbeat. Even low levels of resentment

and anger can lead to decreased cognitive function and problem solving

capacity. Anger induces the fight or flight response causing

hyper-arousal in the body in order that crisis may be handled properly.

The culminating stress on the body mimics amphetamine intake, which can

raise blood pressure, increase heart rate, and depress the body's

immune response in order to focus on the immediate threat.

Not Always Outward, but Inward

The need to forgive isn't always against someone else; many times

the most unforgiving emotions can be directed at yourself. If we

cannot forgive ourselves then forgiving others will be almost

impossible. When anger is turned inward, it's likely to have an

on-going toxic health effect that can be even more destructive to

physical and mental health. One study concludes that men who don't

forgive themselves on a regular basis are seven times more likely to

experience recurring depression. Psychologist Julie Exline from the

Case Western Reserve University states that "certain types of people –

those with a high sense of narcissistic entitlement – may be especially

reluctant to face the costs of forgiving others". Un-forgiveness can

surface in many ways including bitterness, resentment, uncontrollable

anger, the urge to get-even at all costs and grudge-holding to quieter

manifestations such as irritability and stress. Many people who don't

practice forgiveness on a regular basis, attempt to self medicate with

alcohol, drugs, tobacco or unhealthy eating habits, which can often

lead to secondary health problems.

Practical Ways to Forgive

Forgiving someone doesn't mean justifying the act nor does it

minimize the offense. You can extend forgiveness without excusing the

act. It's common for a person to become so preoccupied with an offense

that they unknowingly cause themselves to miss life in the present

moment. A secret to enjoying life to the fullest is being fully present

in the moment, not thinking or worrying about what happened an hour ago

or the bills you have to pay tomorrow, but allowing yourself to be

completely present in mind and body. Just "be." Do allow yourself to

experience the anger without holding onto it for longer than needed for

acceptance; however, if/when the negative emotion begins to consume

you, you know you've held on too long. Realizing that the un-forgiving

person is often the victim and the one who receives the most punishment

can help to extend forgiveness. Replace negative feelings with

positive emotions and repeat this action until the brain is trained to

identify the offending person positively instead of negatively.

According to R. Klimes, PhD the five steps in granting the gift of

forgiveness are listed below. Without these steps, there usually

cannot be forgiveness and reconciliation. The results of a broken

relationship that has not been healed are often bitterness, blaming,

continuation of harm and vengeance, increasing insensitivity,

estrangement, hating and acts of violence.

Acknowledge the anger and hurt caused by the clearly identified specific offenses.Bar revenge and any thought of inflicting harm as repayment or punishment to the offender.Consider the offender's perspective. Try to understand his/her attitude and behavior.Decide to accept the hurt without unloading it on the offender. Passing it back and forth magnifies it.Extend compassion and good will to the offender. That releases the offended from the offense.

The 5 Steps in Forgiveness according to the Bible – Ephesians 4:31-32:

Let all bitterness, wrath and angerand clamor and slander (and thought of revenge) be put away from you, along with all malice.

Consider the offender's perspective, accept the hurt, extend compassion:Be kind to one another, (while considering the other's perspective),gentle and tender-hearted (and accepting the hurt),

forgiving each other just as God in Christ has forgiven you (with compassion).

Karl Menninger, famed psychiatrist, once said that if he

could convince the patients in psychiatric hospitals that their sins

were forgiven, 75% of them could walk out the next day!

Forgiveness Quotes

To err is human, to forgive, divine.- Alexander Pope

Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury. –E. H. Chapin

We are told that people stay in love

because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other,

because of many kindnesses, because of luck … But part of it has got to

be forgiveness and gratefulness. –Ellen Goodman US journalist

Forgiveness is of high value, yet it costs nothing. –Unknown

But I say unto you, love your

enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and

pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That you

may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he makes His

sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and

on the unjust. (Matthew 5:44-45)

For if you forgive men their

trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if you

forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your

trespasses. (Matthew 6:14-15)

But love your enemies, and do good,

and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and

you shall be the children of the Highest: for He is kind unto the

unthankful and to the evil. Be therefore merciful, as your Father also

is merciful. Judge not, and you will not be judged: condemn not, and

you will not be condemned: forgive, and you will be forgiven. (Luke

6:35-37)

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. —George Herbert

I can forgive, but I cannot forget,

is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to

be like a cancelled note—torn in two, and burned up, so that it can

never be shown against one.

—Henry Ward Beecher

The practice of forgiveness has been

shown to reduce anger, hurt, depression and stress and leads to greater

feelings of hope, peace, compassion and self confidence. Practicing

forgiveness leads to healthy relationships as well as physical health.

It also influences our attitude which opens the heart to kindness,

beauty, and love. –Frederic Luskin, Ph.D

Forgiveness both practied and

received is like clear, cool water flowing over parched lips — healing,

refreshing and restoring. –Loretta Lanphier, ND, CN, HHP, CH

2010 – not only a new year, but a new decade. Is there someone or

situation that needs to be forgiven? Take some time to search your

heart and soul. Forgive, forget, make amends, apologize, restore

relationships and walk in peace. In other words start over and clear

your life-slate of past hurts and perceived wrongs. In the journey

towards health one should consider the importance of forgiveness in

relationship to health and well-being while realizing that those who

have health have hope, and those who have hope, have everything.

Sources

"Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness" By Katherine Piderman, Ph.D. "Power of Forgiveness – Forgive OthersCase psychologist Exline studies relationship of narcissistic personality, forgivenessNegative Health Effects of Un-forgivenessResearchers say forgiveness can prevent disease, preserve health" By Melissa Healy Los Angeles Times"5 Ways to Forgive: Forgiveness happens in different ways for men and women" By Genevieve LillLearningWell.org – Forgiveness Therapy

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Tags: ability to forgive, biblical forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness and health, forgiveness and stress, forgiveness quotes, unforgiveness, ways to forgive

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3 Responses to "2010 Health Resolution – Walk in Forgiveness"

Marjorie Copeland says:

January 7, 2010 at 1:13 pm

I have enjoyed the music provided on your website. Thank you.

Kyle says:

January 7, 2010 at 1:30 pm

One

of the best articles about the need to practice forgivness that I have

ever read. Thanks Dr. Lanphier for reminding everyone the impact of

negative emotions on our health and wellbeing. I also enjoy the music!!

Happy New Year to OAW and keep up the great work.

niki says:

March 15, 2010 at 6:38 pm

What is the date of the walkhttp://www.oasisadvancedwellness.com/health-articles/2010/01/2010-health-resolution-%E2%80%93-walk-in-forgiveness.html"To Err is HuMan; to ForGive, DiVine."Carpe Diem! Sieze The Day!"Live & Let Live""Count your Blessings""Peace begins with a Smile"HeartBodyMindSoulNSpirit- HeartBodyMindSoulNSpirit/