Is the US government hiding time travel?

[Guest guest]

Saturday, May 8, 2010

 

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

 

Stephen Hawking, the famous British theoretical physicist

and paralytic, recently made headlines by coming out of the

scientific closet.

 

Hawking has already warned that we should be very wary about

making contact with extraterrestrial beings. " If aliens ever

visit us, I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher

Columbus first landed in America, which didn't turn out very

well for the Native Americans, " he said.

 

But, as he presented his latest ideas about what travel in

the future might resemble, he reportedly admitted that he

had kept quiet on the subject for fear of being labeled a

heretic by the scientific community.

 

In a much more recent documentary he suggested that spaceships

will one day be so fast that we won't know whether we've come

or gone. Hawking suggests that Einstein's theories of relativity

will become obsolete. He posits that, at some point when we're

all long gone, a day on a spaceship traveling at 650 million

miles per hour would be akin to one year on Earth. In other

words, a passenger on such a trip would be able to time travel

forward one year in only a day.

 

While sounding completely bizarre, it does comply with Einstein's

theories. The closer you approach the speed of light, the slower

time moves for you, the traveler, in relation to an observer who

is stationary.

 

Before you conclude that such a phenomenon is provable, you

should know that right now, the United States government does

possess technology which can move forward through time relative

to us Earth-bound observers consistent with Einstein's theories!

 

Yes, the United States possessed time travel technology. They

are called satellites. Time dilation is a measurable phenomenon

that must be taken into account by the satellites that provide

us with our GPS coordinates. Since the satellites are moving

thousands of times faster through space than we are in our cars,

time actually moves slower for them. In other words, they are

slowly creeping into our future by thousandths of a second!

 

Creepy, isn't it?

 

Bizarrely,

 

Lewis

 

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+------------ Even More Bizarre May Holidays -------------+

 

May 20 is Eliza Doolittle Day

 

May 21 is National Memo Day & National Waitresses/Waiters

Day

 

May 22 is Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day

 

May 23 is Penny Day

 

May 24 is National Escargot Day

 

May 25 is National Tap Dance Day

 

May 26 is Grey Day

 

May 27 is Body Painting Arts Festival

 

May 28 is National Hamburger Day

 

May 29 is End Of The Middle Ages Day

 

May 30 is My Bucket's Got A Hole In It Day

 

May 31 is National Macaroon Day

 

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------------- Workers dig pool in wrong yard -------------

 

BRISBANE, Australia - An Australian homeowner said workmen

mistakenly began digging a swimming pool in his garden

and fled once they discovered the $17,700 mistake. Peter

Collard of Brisbane, who is trying to sell the house, said

he received a call from his real estate agent saying he

should rush home because two men were digging in his yard,

The Daily Telegraph reported Thursday. " The first I heard

of it was when my agent rang me and said: 'There's someone

digging your yard up. You'd better rush home,' " Collard

said. " I rushed home to find this huge mess and about

$20,000 (U.S. $17,700) worth of damage. " " These guys

obviously knew there was something up and took off, " he

said. Susan Grantham of Queensland state police said the

men loaded their backhoe onto a dump truck and left the

scene without explanation. " They just picked everything up

and were gone, " she said. Collard said his insurance is

not covering the damage and appealed to neighbors to come

forward if they recently arranged to have a pool dug in

their yards.

 

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----------- Police seek drag-dressing car thief -----------

 

WAUWATOSA, Wis. - Wisconsin police said they are searching

for a suspected car thief who led police on multiple high

speed chases while dressed in drag. Wauwatosa police said

a motorcycle officer pulled over a speeding vehicle Friday

and asked the driver, a man dressed in women's clothing

and makeup, for identification, WauwatosaNOW.com reported

Thursday. The officer said the driver, who seemed nervous,

did not have identification and sped off when asked who

owned the car. Police said the officer chased the car

for about a minute, but stopped for the safety of other

motorists when the man sped to speeds of 100 mph. Investi-

gators said they ran the license plate and found the car

had been stolen two weeks earlier in Brookfield, Wis.

Brookfield police said the suspect, a 20-year-old

Milwaukee man, has been linked to several car thefts and

ensuing high speed chases. They said the suspect always

wears women's clothing and makeup.

 

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

 

Here's one for you Lewis, " A Chinese man has died after an

eel was inserted in rectum by friends as, reports claim,

a joke. "

[With friends like those...]

 

 

According to Myth Busters this is an urban legend. Pee is

not constant enough to conduct a current unless you are

really close. The odds of the pee conducting through the

case of a PS2 is even more problematic. -John

[Maybe, but I still wouldn't want to test the theory.]

 

 

The guy who peed in his PlayStation 2 while it was still

plugged in was an idiot. Everyone knows you're supposed to

unplug it before you pee on it! It says so in the owner's

manual! -Chris

 

 

Hey, Lewis! Reading about our $12 trillion nation debt I

was reminded of a movie back in the late 70's about America

being far in debt (I'd hate to think what the number was

in that movie). When the foreign creditors demand payment,

they have a telethon. I believe it was called America-thon.

How depressing, then AND now! -mascot

[i remember that movie. It starred John Ritter as President,

a bachelor president, as I recall, and Harvey Korman. That's

about all I remember. Although the premise of the movie is

not completely bizarre. We might be at that point before

long.]

 

 

Lewis, we here at my office read you every week. I bet you

really ARE one Bizarre dude. -tom

[i'm not bizarre, I'm just fascinated with the bizarre, and

like to report on it. I'm actually a fairly middle of the

road guy.]

 

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