Remembering All WHo Have Gone (Was RE: Michele & Was: Suicide)

[Guest guest]

Even though it is a little past the " Day of the Dead " and " Samhain "

celebrations - which both are designated to honor our ancestors and

loved ones who have passed to the other side - I want to take a moment

to remember all who have gone before us. No matter what circumstances

have brought people into our lives and unfortunately taken them out of

our lives, they will ALWAYS be a part of us, and always be in our hearts

and souls. They live forever in so many ways, and I thank them for

having not only graced us with their presence, but also having been so

much a part of who we are today! Thank you

 

*Smile*

Chris (list mom)

http://www.alittleolfactory.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

and the critters in our lives!! Don't forget them.

 

I was so upset w/ my puppy's red and runny eye. I can't imagine what some of

you are going through right now with your loved pets.

 

They'll be waiting for us too when we go home.

 

Dale

-

Christine Ziegler

 

 

Even though it is a little past the " Day of the Dead " and " Samhain "

celebrations - which both are designated to honor our ancestors and

loved ones who have passed to the other side - I want to take a moment

to remember all who have gone before us.

 

 

[Guest guest]

Our native Odawa population has a wonderful custom

During the first 11 days in November they have ghost suppers.

No invitations are issued just the notice that soandso has a ghostsupper

, what day, what time they start serving.. a lot of families make the

commitment to have a ghostsupper very year at the same time so people know.

It's done to honor the memory of a departed.

Food is cooked that the loved one has cherished and in general a huge

spread is prepared, in family style dinners.

A sacred fire is lit outside, with a little food of every dish put into

it and one place setting is left unseated so the departed can have a

meal with us. One talks about the person that has left and this way

children will have an idea what the gone before was like. It's a

rejoicing of life and the whole family pitches in.

It never fails to amaze me how this is even 'pulled off' in the smallest

house and poorest families. Days before ghostsupper , potatoes will

appear at their door, squash a deer, turkey, chairs , coffeecans..you

name it..always done with the best dishes , etc. No paper plates there.

Food is served until one runs out or no one comes anymore..

It's a wonderful social time , every one looks forward to.

After my son died, I found that until the day of the funeral people

where knocking my door down to be of 'help', but after the funeral, all

disappeared into their own lives.

Also no one wanted to mention his name around me or talk about him.

After a few weeks it seems all we had left was a picture and a

wondering if he ever existed.

Coming to a ghostsupper, besides the free and wonderful food, means you

honor the family of the departed, letting them know he/she/it is not

forgotten.

Especially in a suicide, people do not want to talk about it, or the

death, for it brings with it so many ' if only's and what if's '.

People are not doing it out of meanness, but rather a feeling of not

knowing what to do, I am sure.

Yet, in the first week of the death, or until the funeral there is some

kind of 'shock' hormone that takes over and let's us go through it, it's

in the weeks, months and years afterwards that one falls apart, where

there will be trigger points that cough up the memory like a bad movie,

one can not shut off.

A custom, such as a ghostsupper, helps to not 'forget' the departed,

but to turn it into a joyful occasion.

There have been 3 suicides in my immediate family.One was my 15 year old

son. We know it's not something you can catch like the flu, but once it

happens in a family, it appears a door is opened to thinking that

otherwise would not. Every one of us in the family has entertained such

thoughts, briefly, part of the grieving process. Shrinks call this ' the

seduction of the grave', an overwhelming desire to be with the departed,

out of missing and belonging. To teach people than to reach out, to get

them over the next 24 hours is very important.

One final thing about ghostsuppers, if the gone before doesn't like the

food, it will come back during the night and rattle the dishes...

C-M

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Crista, I so enjoyed reading about the ghostsuppers. And Chris,

thank you for your special note.

 

The holiday season is always particularly challenging when those we

love are no longer with us, regardless of how many years have

passed.

 

I have a special place on my altar to remember those I miss. On the

day of their birth and the day of their crossing, I burn a candle

throughout the day to honor them.

 

My parents have both been gone for years. This holiday will be my

last with my brother-in-law. He's been in my life since I was 8 (41

years). Knowing it's our last holiday season together, it's easy to

cherish every moment. The real lesson, (IMHO) is to honor every

moment with every person as though it were the only one you have.

It just may be.

 

In heart,

Michelle

[Guest guest]

Christa,

 

I really like that, I think I will try that. I started out a single

mom and I was frequently alone because I had lost most of my

friends. So like once a month, I would have this " dinner with God "

thing where on a Friday night, I set a plate of food across from me,

lit a candle and I would have a date with God. Okay, so I

personified God, it really helped me get through a difficult time and

helped me like being alone because I knew I had unseen friends around

me. I guess God got sick of me, so I met my husband two months after.

 

Michele Robles

 

, Christa Maria <cmaria@t...>

wrote:

> Our native Odawa population has a wonderful custom

> During the first 11 days in November they have ghost suppers.

> No invitations are issued just the notice that soandso has a

ghostsupper

> , what day, what time they start serving.. a lot of families make

the

> commitment to have a ghostsupper very year at the same time so

people know.

> It's done to honor the memory of a departed.

> Food is cooked that the loved one has cherished and in general a

huge

> spread is prepared, in family style dinners.

> A sacred fire is lit outside, with a little food of every dish put

into

> it and one place setting is left unseated so the departed can

have a

> meal with us. One talks about the person that has left and this

way

> children will have an idea what the gone before was like. It's a

> rejoicing of life and the whole family pitches in.

> It never fails to amaze me how this is even 'pulled off' in the

smallest

> house and poorest families. Days before ghostsupper , potatoes will

> appear at their door, squash a deer, turkey, chairs ,

coffeecans..you

> name it..always done with the best dishes , etc. No paper plates

there.

> Food is served until one runs out or no one comes anymore..

> It's a wonderful social time , every one looks forward to.

> After my son died, I found that until the day of the funeral people

> where knocking my door down to be of 'help', but after the

funeral, all

> disappeared into their own lives.

> Also no one wanted to mention his name around me or talk about him.

> After a few weeks it seems all we had left was a picture and a

> wondering if he ever existed.

> Coming to a ghostsupper, besides the free and wonderful food, means

you

> honor the family of the departed, letting them know he/she/it is

not

> forgotten.

> Especially in a suicide, people do not want to talk about it, or

the

> death, for it brings with it so many ' if only's and what if's '.

> People are not doing it out of meanness, but rather a feeling of

not

> knowing what to do, I am sure.

> Yet, in the first week of the death, or until the funeral there is

some

> kind of 'shock' hormone that takes over and let's us go through it,

it's

> in the weeks, months and years afterwards that one falls apart,

where

> there will be trigger points that cough up the memory like a bad

movie,

> one can not shut off.

> A custom, such as a ghostsupper, helps to not 'forget' the

departed,

> but to turn it into a joyful occasion.

> There have been 3 suicides in my immediate family.One was my 15

year old

> son. We know it's not something you can catch like the flu, but

once it

> happens in a family, it appears a door is opened to thinking that

> otherwise would not. Every one of us in the family has entertained

such

> thoughts, briefly, part of the grieving process. Shrinks call

this ' the

> seduction of the grave', an overwhelming desire to be with the

departed,

> out of missing and belonging. To teach people than to reach out, to

get

> them over the next 24 hours is very important.

> One final thing about ghostsuppers, if the gone before doesn't like

the

> food, it will come back during the night and rattle the dishes...

> C-M

>

>

>

>

>

>