O/T Joke diets and excercise

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News-the latest on diets & excercise

 

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

 

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them

on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not

make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by

driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

 

 

 

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

 

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.

And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient

mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef

is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop

can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

 

 

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

 

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine that means

they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness

that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

 

 

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

 

A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If

you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

 

 

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise

program?

 

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good

 

 

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

 

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In

fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

 

 

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

 

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only

be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

 

 

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

 

A: Are you crazy? HELLO .... Cocoabeans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best

feel-good food around!

 

 

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

 

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

 

 

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

 

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

 

 

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food

and diets and remember, Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the

intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but

rather to skid in sideways - beer in one hand - chocolate in the other body

thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO

WHAT A RIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!