O/T Joke Groaners

[Guest guest]

1 . My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled

him in .

 

2. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

 

3. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says " I'll give you some cream to put on it. "

 

4. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'. " That

sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " 'Is it common?' " It's not unusual. "

 

5. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me " Can you

give me a lift? " I said " Sure. You look great ... the world's your

oyster .... go for it. "

 

6. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5

people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or

my Dad,or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?

But I think its Colin.

7. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,

and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the

other one off

 

8. " You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. "

They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'

" So that was nice. "

9. A man walked into the doctors, he said, " I've hurt my arm in

several places " . The doctor said, " Well don't go there anymore " .

 

10. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a

small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search

and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that

number to climb as digging continues into the night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having

a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says,

" Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me. "

 

So the Doberman says, " I love liver and cheese. " The Collie says, " That's

not good enough. "

 

The Bulldog says, " I hate liver and cheese. " She says, " That's not

creative. "

 

Finally, with his Mexican accent, the Chihuahua says, " Liver

alone......cheese mine. "

 

 

Juana Serrano

True Essence Bath & Body

 

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift...

 

....that is why it's called the " present. "