Ireland-Iraq War Called Off!

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

 

This one made me laugh

 

Many thanks to a Vet colleague, Mariate Poblet.

 

Saddam better count himself lucky!

Phil

 

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The Irish Declare War on Iraq

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Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to

invade next when his telephone rang.

 

" Hello, Mr. Hussein! " , a heavily accented voice said. " This is

Paddy down at the Harp Pub in Ballymote, County Sligo,

Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring

war on you! "

 

" Well, Paddy, " Saddam replied, " this is indeed important news!

How big is your army? "

 

" Right now, " said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, " there is

myself, my cousin Sean Clancy, my next door neighbour Mick

Houligan, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes

eight! "

 

Saddam paused. " I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million

men in my army waiting to move on my command. "

 

" Begorra! " , said Paddy. " I'll have to ring you back! "

 

Sure enough, later that day, Paddy called again. " Mr. Hussein,

the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry

equipment! "

 

" And what equipment would that be, Paddy? " Saddam asked.

 

" Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm

tractor. "

 

Saddam sighed. " I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000

tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've

increased my army to 1.5 million since we last spoke. "

 

" Saints preserve us! " said Paddy. " I'll have to get back to you. "

 

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. " Mr. Hussein, the

war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne!

We've modified Houligan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns

in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have

joined us as well! "

 

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. " I

must tell you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000

fighter planes. My military complex is guarded by laser-guided,

surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've

increased my army to TWO MILLION! "

 

" Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! " , said Paddy, " I'll have to ring you

back. "

 

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. " Top o' the

mornin', Mr.Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to

call off the war. "

 

" I'm sorry to hear that, " said Saddam. " Why the sudden change

of heart? "

 

" Well, " said Paddy, " we've all had a long chat over a feed of

pints, and we decided there's no way on earth that we could

manage to feed two million prisoners. "

 

God Bless the Irish! Mariate Poblet

 

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>>>>>>

 

And see this little ditty from Val & Jo, sung to the air of:

" If You're Happy And You Know It Clap Your Hands " ...

 

If You're Happy And You Know It Bomb Iraq

by John Robbins

If you cannot find Osama, Bomb Iraq.

If the markets are a drama, Bomb Iraq.

If the terrorists are frisky,

Pakistan is looking shifty,

North Korea is too risky,

Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, Bomb Iraq.

If we think that someone's dissed us, Bomb Iraq.

So to hell with the inspections,

Let's look tough for the elections,

Close your mind and take directions,

Bomb Iraq.

It's pre-emptive non-aggression, Bomb Iraq.

To prevent this mass destruction, Bomb Iraq.

They've got weapons we can't see,

And that's all the proof we need,

If they're not there, don't believe it!

Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, Bomb Iraq.

If your mood is quite dejected, Bomb Iraq.

If you think Saddam's gone mad,

With the weapons that he had,

And he tried to kill your dad,

Bomb Iraq.

If corporate fraud is growin', Bomb Iraq.

If your ties to it are showin', Bomb Iraq.

If your politics are sleazy,

And hiding that ain't easy,

And your manhood's getting queasy,

Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, Bomb Iraq.

For our might knows not our borders, Bomb Iraq.

Disagree? We'll call it treason,

Let's make war not love this season,

Even if we have no reason,

Bomb Iraq.

 

Val added that he would shake John Robbin’s hand if he had the

chance; so would I. It is a brilliant satire. I pray that both side

will draw back from the Abyss of war.