Humor: Suthran Girls

[Guest guest]

Suthrun Girls!!!!!

 

Someone once noted that a Suthruner can get away with the most awful

kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with kind words like,

" Bless Her heart " or " Bless His heart. " As in, " Bless His heart, if

they put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a

six lane highway. "

 

Or, " Bless Her heart, she's so buck-toothed, she could eat an apple

through a picket fence. "

 

There are also the sneakier ones:

 

" You know, it's amazing that even though she had that baby 7 months

after they were married, Bless Her heart, it weighed 10 pounds. "

 

As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the insult can't be all

that bad. I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was

telling about her new Transplanted Northern friend who was upset because

her toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a Suthrun accent. My

friend, who is very kind and, Bless Her Heart, cannot do a thing about

those thighs of hers, was justifiably miffed about this. After all,

this woman had CHOSEN to move to the South a couple of years ago. Can

you believe it? " said the friend.. " A child of mine is going to be

" taaaallllkkin liiiike thiiiissss.. "

 

Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the North,

Bless Their Hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships and

their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten

past their endless complaints that you can't find good bread down here.

And the heathens, Bless Their Hearts, don't like cornbread!

 

We've already lost too much. I was raised to say " Swanee, " not swear,

but you hardly ever hear anyone say that anymore, I swanee you don't.

 

And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying something is " right

much, " " right close, " or " right good " because non natives think this is

right funny indeed. I have a friend from Bawston who thinks it's

hilarious when I say I've got to " carry " my daughter to the doctor or

" cut off " the light. She also gets a giggle every time I am " fixin' " to

do something.

 

And, Bless Their Hearts, they don't even know where " over yonder " is or

what " I reckon " means!

 

My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, " Bless Her Heart, she can't

help being ugly, but she could've stayed home. "

 

Suthrun girls know bad manners when they see them:

 

1. Drinking straight out of a can.

2. Not sending thank you notes.

3. Velvet after February.

4. White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day.

 

Suthrun girls always say:

 

1. " Yes, ma'am. "

2. " Yes, sir. "

 

Suthrun girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:

 

1. " Y'all come back now ya heaah, "

2. " Well, Bless Your Heart. "

3. " Drop by when you can. "

4. " How's your mother? "

5. " Love your hair. "

 

Suthrun girls know their three R's!:

 

1. Rich

2. Richer

3. Richest

 

Suthrun girls know everybody's first name:

 

1. Honey

2. Darlin'

3. Sugah

 

Suthrun girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:

 

1. " Gone With the Wind "

2. " Fried Green Tomatoes "

3. " Driving Miss Daisy "

4. " Steel Magnolias "

 

Suthrun girls know their cities that are dripping with Southern charm:

 

1. Hotlanta or Adlanna = (Atlanta as outsiders say)

2. Richmon

3. Challston

4. S'vannah

5. Birminham

6. Nawlins'

7. OH! And that city in Alabama ? It's pronounced MUNTGUMRY!

 

Suthrun girls know the three deadly sins:

 

1. Bad hair

2. Bad manners

3. Bad blind dates

 

G.R.I.T.S. = Girls Raised in The South!

 

Now you run along, Sugah, and send this to someone else Raised In The

South, i.e., Southern Belles, or ANY females aspiring to be GRITS. Even

the northern ones, " Bless Their Hearts " .

 

Reminds me. I have a rubber stamp that says " Just because your children

were born in the South does not make them Suthruners. After all, if a

cat had kittens in the oven, that wouldn't make them biscuits. "

 

Bless Yer Hearts ;-)

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/3/2006 12:47:22 PM Pacific Standard Time,

butchbsi writes:

 

LOL, Butch..being a Southern Belle myself, this is hilarious! You know, they

don't call me Scarlet for nothin'! Thank you for the laughter. Kaye

 

> Suthrun Girls!!!!!

>

> Someone once noted that a Suthruner can get away with the most awful

> kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with kind words like,

> " Bless Her heart " or " Bless His heart. " As in, " Bless His heart, if

> they put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a

> six lane highway. "

>