Morning chuckle

[Guest guest]

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma

to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After

every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a " gripesheet, " which tells

mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

 

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then

pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said

that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Pilots (marked with a P) and the

Solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way,

Quantas is the only major airline that has never, ever had an accident.

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

 

" When the soul approaches the mysteries; when it tries to

rally to the great spiritual principles, the perfumes are there "

~Marguerite Maury, The Secret of Life and Youth " ~