Time For Bubba Claus Again!! Merry Christmas Everybody!!

[Guest guest]

Bubba Claus

 

TO: All Concerned

Santa Claus

 

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer

serve

the States of Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky,

Louisiana,

Mississippi, North and South Carolina, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas

and

Virginia on Christmas Eve.

 

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract

was

renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part

of

the

new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and

cookies

so

keep that in mind.

 

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with

your

local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.

His

side

of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of

delivering

toys

to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences

between

us.

 

Differences such as:

 

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from

Bubba

Claus.

 

He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that

reads: " These

toys

insured by Smith and Wesson. "

 

 

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children

leave

RC

cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace.

 

And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so

please

have an empty spit can handy.

 

 

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs

instead

of reindeer.

 

I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time,

and

Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

 

 

4. You won't hear " On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.. " when

Bubba

Claus arrives.

 

Instead, you'll hear, " On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and

Petty. "

 

 

5. " Ho, Ho, Ho! " has been replaced by " Yee! Haw! "

 

And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, " I her'd dat! "

 

 

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does

have

Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words " Back Off. "

 

 

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as " Miracle on 34th

Street "

and

" It's a Wonderful Life " will not be shown in your negotiated viewing

area.

 

Instead, you'll see " Boss Hogg Saves Christmas " and " Smokey and the

Bandit

IV " featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus with dozens of state

patrol

cars

crashing into each other.

 

 

And Finally,

 

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt.

 

If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the

other

way

when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

 

Sincerely Yours,

 

Santa Claus