OT: Humor: U.S. Ambassador to Bulungi Suspected of Making the Country Up

[Guest guest]

Hey y'all,

 

Closing out with some humor .. even though the Onion is a left wing

outfit they have some pretty funny stuff from time to time .. satire

is their game and they do it well.

 

There are photos at the link below. :-P Butch

 

U.S. Ambassador to Bulungi Suspected of Making the Country Up

 

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30389

 

March 22, 2007

 

October 2, 1996

Issue 30•08

The Onion

 

WASHINGTON, DC—Chad Halpern, U.S. Ambassador to the West African

nation of Bulungi since 1994, has been asked to return to Washington

to face allegations that the country does not exist.

 

" I want to stress that nothing has been substantiated as of yet, "

President Clinton told reporters at a press conference Monday. " But

there is a possibility that Ambassador Halpern made the country up. "

 

According to Clinton, suspicions first arose last month when Ghanaian

prime minister Kwame Okoye paid an official visit to the U.S. When

Secretary of State Warren Christopher asked Okoye for an update on the

fighting between the Ghanaian army and Bulungi's Mukka-Lukka rebels

during a formal state dinner, Okoye replied, " I am sorry—I do not

understand of what you speak. "

 

Christopher then explained to Okoye that Ambassador Halpern had

recently informed him that fighting between the two rival nations had

reached a breaking point, with Ghana's army advancing all the way to

the Bulungian capital of Yabba-Dabba.

 

" After dinner that night, " Clinton said, " Secretary Christopher and I

made the decision to look Bulungi up in an atlas. Unfortunately, we

were unable to find it. We also looked for it in a large dictionary,

under several different spellings, but again it was without success. "

 

Ambassador Halpern, 24, of Laguna Beach, CA, was appointed to his post

by President Clinton after a chance meeting at a Laguna Beach

McDonald's where Halpern was working at the time. After discussing

Bulungian politics with Halpern for more than two hours, Clinton was

impressed enough to name him ambassador.

 

" Mr. Halpern is a charismatic and persuasive young man, " Clinton said

two years ago at a ceremony celebrating the appointment. " I am

confident that with his great expertise, the U.S. can reestablish

strong relations with Bulungi and help the nation move beyond all the

problems that plagued it in the past, such as last year's brutal

tribal war between the Dodos and the Mukka-Lukkas, and the Great Bongo

Drought of 1994. "

 

Pending further investigation, Halpern's $14,500 monthly salary, which

for the past two years has been sent to his girlfriend in Tahiti, has

been suspended. Incidentally, for the past two years, Halpern's

girlfriend's phone line in Tahiti has also been serving as a

switchboard for routing calls between Halpern and Washington, a

situation the ambassador explained was necessary because " the phones

here in Bulungi are just all fucked up. "

 

These conversations, which occurred " about once every month, " were

" brief but informative, " according to Christopher. Despite suspicions

surrounding Halpern, Christopher praised the ambassador, saying he has

done " an excellent job monitoring a period in Bulungian history marked

by often intense sectional surfing competitions. " Christopher did not,

however, deny that several of the calls were characterized by giggling.

 

Christopher added that while Halpern told him getting a ticket for a

flight to Washington was " a bitch, " the ambassador assured him he

would be on the next available plane departing from Bulungi's

Primo-Ganja Airport.

 

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