Humor: Breaking Wind

[Guest guest]

Howdy y'all,

 

A steady rain we're having here in Paris (TN) now. Due to our having a

summer of draught, smiling am I and all the plants and animal critters

here. Maybe some of y'all could use a good smile too. :-) Butch

 

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly

fifty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's

habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would

wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she choked

and gasped for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop

it but he told her he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to

see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it.

 

He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would

laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She

told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he

was one day going to " fart his guts out " .

 

The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued

to ignore her warnings about " farting his guts out " until one Christmas

morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast.

She fixed Christmas desserts, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a

turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred

as to how she might solve her husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her

face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs

hours.

 

While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then

gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the

turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the

covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.

 

Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud

trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound

of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom.

 

The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she

rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had

finally gotten even.

 

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained

underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from

laughing and she asked him what was the matter. He said, " honey, you were

right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you " .

 

" What do you mean? " asked his wife. " Well you always told me that I would

end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened.

 

But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back

in. " ;-)