Guest guest Posted August 22, 2000 Report Share Posted August 22, 2000 deb, i also believe it should be your daughter's decision to make but she has to be old enough to understand the basis for making a decision one way or another i think your doing the right thing for now which is to raise her as a vegetarian as long as her diet is well rounded (this can vbe easily researched through VRG and other sources) re your husband, it is necessary that the two of you open up lines of communication and reach a mutual understanding on this issue or it will become a source of constant irritation for each of you good luck > " deb proen " <deb_proen > > > eating meat >Tue, 22 Aug 2000 11:35:18 GMT > >I have this ongoing battle with my husband and in-laws on what to feed our >13 month old daughter. Until Sunday, my husband has been very tolerant of >my preference. At a picnic, he fed our daughter lamb chops and she liked >it. I am so sad and in panic mode. I very much want her to be a >vegetarian >but I also believe it has to be her decision to make. > >Any thoughts or suggestions? >______________________ >Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com > > ______________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2000 Report Share Posted August 22, 2000 Dear Deb, I agree with you to a point. Ultimately it must be your child's decision to be a vegetarian, but a 13 month old is not capable of understanding its actions and of making decisions, that is why they have parents on whom they are so dependent. I think your bigger issue right now is not what you child has eaten so much as it is the relationship with your husband that would have him be so disrespectful of your desires, beliefs and interests in the decisions about raising your child. Consider that a child that is raised in a vegetarian home has the power of choice to decide about his or her vegetarianism every time he/she leaves the home. A child raised in a meat eating home (as I was) has no choice without confronting their parents, an often difficult and intimidating task for a child. When my daughter went off to school, at the age of six, we had a long talk about the choices she would face in the school cafeteria. She was told that her parents would not be there to tell her what to do and that she had the power to decide for herself, but by then she really did understand what she was deciding about. She is seventeen now and, I'm proud to say, a life long vegetarian by choice. I think that feeding a child meat truly steals from them an innocent that they had a right to control. It is the beginning of desensitizing them to the world around them. Your first order of business, though, is a well considered conversation with your husband over whether parenting is a joint effort or an individual sport. Good luck, Phil Welsher Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2000 Report Share Posted August 22, 2000 I have this ongoing battle with my husband and in-laws on what to feed our 13 month old daughter. Until Sunday, my husband has been very tolerant of my preference. At a picnic, he fed our daughter lamb chops and she liked it. I am so sad and in panic mode. I very much want her to be a vegetarian but I also believe it has to be her decision to make. Any thoughts or suggestions? ______________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2000 Report Share Posted August 22, 2000 Hi Deb: My son is 10-years-old and a lifelong vegetarian. He is only now getting old enough to decide for himself if he wants to continue to be a vegetarian. And I know what his decision will be. " Eat dead animals??!! No way! " You wouldn't allow a 13-month-old to decide whether or not to wear her seatbelt or to choose whether to go to a Catholic church or a Presbyterian. It is your responsibility to raise your child as you see fit and if you decide that she is going to be a vegetarian until she is truly old enough to make her own decisions, then make sure that everyone understands how it will be and stick to your decision! As your child grows, you can tell her why the two of your are vegetarians so she will understand why she doesn't eat lamb chops or hot dogs or hamburgers. When my son was little, I'd ask him if he knew why we were vegetarians and when he said " no " , I'd paraphrase Edison: " Animals are our friends and we don't eat our friends " . This is a very simple equation for children to understand. It is entirely logical and doesn't require long, drawn out explanations that can quickly become age-inappropriate. As she becomes older you can gently tell her more of the reasons why you are vegetarian. But not too many gory details when she is young. I recently met a woman in her 20s who was raised a vegan and she pleaded with me not to show my child the horrific photos published by animal rights people because they had upset her greatly. I will pay attention to her advice. My son is sensitive and caring and I don't need to preach to the converted. He deserves a childhood before he gets too much unforgetable knowledge about the meat and fur industries. Wendy deb proen wrote: > > I have this ongoing battle with my husband and in-laws on what to feed our > 13 month old daughter. Until Sunday, my husband has been very tolerant of > my preference. At a picnic, he fed our daughter lamb chops and she liked > it. I am so sad and in panic mode. I very much want her to be a vegetarian > but I also believe it has to be her decision to make. > > Any thoughts or suggestions? > ______________________ > Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com > > > > For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for families go to http://www.vrg.org/family. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2000 Report Share Posted August 23, 2000 Deb: I agree with Phil that it sounds like you and your husband need to have a discussion about dietary choices and your daughter's upbringing. Was it a family picnic that you were at where he fed your daughter the lamp chops? He may be feeling pressured by his family. If he is not fully understanding where you are coming from or why you make the food choices you do, it will be harder on him when he hears comments from his family. Have you spoken openly of your philosophy with him? I write from a peculiar perspective. I am the mother of a 13 year old vegetarian, but am not one myself........yet. But, I have paid close attention to the response of family members who give my daughter a bad time for her choice. Some of them feel as if *they*are being rejected because my daughter doesn't want to eat meat. Others think that her diet is weird and unhealthy and that we are irresponsible parents for allowing her to eat this way. The fact is that while she attends family meals, she doesn 't participate in the exact same way that they do [i.e., eat the exact same foods] and therefore they feel uncomfortable, perhaps even judged. In response, they judge her. The " family meal, " while it is in danger of disappearing because of hectic and overloaded modern schedules, still stands as a metaphor for family unity. I think there are some people who feel that family unity is threatened if not everyone participates in the meal in the exact same way. Good luck to you, Sue Lang Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2000 Report Share Posted August 24, 2000 I don't know if you read about my episode with my grandmother-in-llaw, but I totally understand what you are going through. I definitely agree with those who said you need to speak to you husband. I think you have to decide whether or not you both are in this togethe. My husband doesn't totally agree with my philosophy, but he has agreed to let me raise Brayden vegetarian until he is old enough to decide for himself. Your family needs to know that you are serious about this and why. Just remember we are all here for you. -- August 23, 2000 12:13:17 PM GMT Digest Number 21 For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for families go to http://www.vrg.org/family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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