Digest Number 177

[Guest guest]

>Hi all,

>I accidentally sent my message before I was able to finish it. Basically I

>wanted to see how others deal with family and friends that are not

particularly >ike-minded and what

>has worked for you. We love our families and we don't want to alienate

them, >but we do want them to respect our wishes with regard to our child.

>Thanks!

>Caroline

 

Sorry it took me so long to respond to this, I have gotten behind in my

e-mail a bit!

I will be the first to admit that this is not always an easy thing to do!!!

I am not a confrontational person, and I do not want to offend or seem

ungrateful, but we try hard to get the message out there, that there are

only certain things we want as gifts for our children. At the same time, we

try hope to limit the number of gifts all together to prevent an expectation

of lots of stuff and an attitude of consumerism.

Anyway, we started with my parents, because they are the most understanding

of us being " off the beaten path. " We asked them to spread the word for us;

I guess I feel more comfortable about the others talking about how wierd we

are when I'm not there. It would probably be better if I could give them

some concrete reasons to help them to understand, but I am afraid that would

seem like I disapprove of all the things they have given to all the other

children and that I find their judgement lacking...

It seems like a slippery slope to me sometimes, but it is really important

to us, so we keep trying. I have accepted gifts that I didn't approve of,

saying " it's ok, don't worry about it, " and then sending the things along to

someone else. We try to to keep celebrations small and simple, in hopes

that it will limit the number of gift-givers! I have offered to give people

catalogs or websites that we like so they don't feel hopeless when they

really want to get something. When people ask me what to get, I usually

suggest those things, books (although we are afraid in this department

also-- there are so many commercial and non-vegan books out there!), or I

say that there is a great music, play, swimming, etc. class I want to sign

him up for, could they get me a gift certificate or give money toward it.

That has happened once. Luckily, the older grandparent folks sometimes just

give money towards his college fund. That's very easy to accept!

 

Maybe you found this helpful , but in the least, know that you are not alone

and even though it is frustrating, you are doing a great thing and you have

supporters here!

Jennifer