vegan parents, what about the kids

[Guest guest]

It seems late to chime in on this subject, with so many other posts

having made excellent points already, but this was my first chance to

write.

 

I think that children are very smart, and they catch on immediately if

they sense some discomfort in an adult about any child-rearing issue.

They want clear and consistent boundaries, and will push against any

weakness just to see how far it will take them.

 

Now that my daughter is old enough to carry on conversations with my

dad, things are becoming very difficult with regard to vegetarianism.

She can tell that our family rule, that we don't eat animals, makes him

uncomfortable. So, she pushes. She asks him for some of his food when

we're out at a restaurant together. Notice: she doesn't ask me. She

bats her big brown eyes directly at him and asks in a sweet little

voice. He starts stammering and doesn't know what to do. I've talked

with him privately many times, explaining to him that all he has to do

is echo my rule and she'll stop pushing. If he says to her " no, honey,

this is meat, and you know that you and your mommy don't eat meat " ,

she'll stop pestering him. It's not that she really *wants* it -- it's

just that she knows there's an opportunity to do something taboo because

we are not presenting a united front.

 

I think that the two parents have to work this out together and come to

an agreement that allows them to face their children together and say

" this is the rule in our family " , whatever that rule ends up being.

 

On a side note, I happen to know of a vegan family that had a problem

with one of their two children. He wasn't getting enough nutrition

because he wasn't able to stomach anything they gave him. After months

of frantic testing and experimenting, they came to the realization that

this particular child needed to eat meat. Apparently, there was some

allergy/nutritional reason why he needed to switch to that diet. I

don't understand it, but I have to accept that they did everything they

could to find out how to help their child, and that this was the

appropriate solution. I think this is a very different situation than

saying that a child " needs " to eat meat because otherwise he won't fit

in with his friends.

 

Also, FWIW, my child is able to interact with my dad's favourite hobby

-- fishing -- because my dad practices " catch and release " . (Yes, I

know the argument that it can weaken the fish, making them more

susceptible to predators immediately after release.) You can go on a

weekend camping trip with the guys without joining them on their hunt.

It's not a black-and-white issue. There are ways to be " one of the

guys " without doing everything exactly the same as they do. Besides,

not all little boys go on hunting trips with their dads. Why can't they

go to a sporting event instead? That seems much more universal.

 

Some thoughts,

 

Liz

[Guest guest]

Liz,

 

One of the hardest parts about becoming a vegetarian is the decision you

inevitably get to about " offending " other people. From the moment my

children were old enough to sit up and eat, we always referred to meat as

" dead cows " or " dead chickens " , etc. As morbid as this may sound to some,

it works. My children don't have any reservations about telling others

(including grandparents) that they don't eat meat, dairy or eggs. Does this

offend my parents? In a way, because it's a topic they don't want to think

about, especially when eating. But then again, I'm offended by the whole

meat and dairy industry and how can I not call it what it really is. And

what about the comments some people make about " don't you really miss meat "

or " how can you eat that stuff, I give you a lot of credit " . That offends

me. If you don't stand firm, a lot of people are really quick to point a

finger and call you a hypocrite. Or they will tell you that vegetarianism

may be OK for you, but why are you forcing it on your children?

 

It's a really sensitive issue for every one, but I want my children to know

from the start what it is. If they later express curiosity, I think

they'll give it a try (you can't stop them) and then come back. The

important thing is that they KNOW THE TRUTH. Otherwise, just telling them

that " we don't eat that kind of food " leaves them wondering why and they

don't really understand.

 

Susan C.

 

 

-

E. R. Bakwin <bakwin

 

Friday, August 03, 2001 12:08 PM

Re: vegan parents, what about the kids

 

 

> It seems late to chime in on this subject, with so many other posts

> having made excellent points already, but this was my first chance to

> write.

>

> I think that children are very smart, and they catch on immediately if

> they sense some discomfort in an adult about any child-rearing issue.

> They want clear and consistent boundaries, and will push against any

> weakness just to see how far it will take them.

>

> Now that my daughter is old enough to carry on conversations with my

> dad, things are becoming very difficult with regard to vegetarianism.

> She can tell that our family rule, that we don't eat animals, makes him

> uncomfortable. So, she pushes. She asks him for some of his food when

> we're out at a restaurant together. Notice: she doesn't ask me. She

> bats her big brown eyes directly at him and asks in a sweet little

> voice. He starts stammering and doesn't know what to do. I've talked

> with him privately many times, explaining to him that all he has to do

> is echo my rule and she'll stop pushing. If he says to her " no, honey,

> this is meat, and you know that you and your mommy don't eat meat " ,

> she'll stop pestering him. It's not that she really *wants* it -- it's

> just that she knows there's an opportunity to do something taboo because

> we are not presenting a united front.

>

> I think that the two parents have to work this out together and come to

> an agreement that allows them to face their children together and say

> " this is the rule in our family " , whatever that rule ends up being.

>

> On a side note, I happen to know of a vegan family that had a problem

> with one of their two children. He wasn't getting enough nutrition

> because he wasn't able to stomach anything they gave him. After months

> of frantic testing and experimenting, they came to the realization that

> this particular child needed to eat meat. Apparently, there was some

> allergy/nutritional reason why he needed to switch to that diet. I

> don't understand it, but I have to accept that they did everything they

> could to find out how to help their child, and that this was the

> appropriate solution. I think this is a very different situation than

> saying that a child " needs " to eat meat because otherwise he won't fit

> in with his friends.

>

> Also, FWIW, my child is able to interact with my dad's favourite hobby

> -- fishing -- because my dad practices " catch and release " . (Yes, I

> know the argument that it can weaken the fish, making them more

> susceptible to predators immediately after release.) You can go on a

> weekend camping trip with the guys without joining them on their hunt.

> It's not a black-and-white issue. There are ways to be " one of the

> guys " without doing everything exactly the same as they do. Besides,

> not all little boys go on hunting trips with their dads. Why can't they

> go to a sporting event instead? That seems much more universal.

>

> Some thoughts,

>

> Liz

For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at

http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for families go to

http://www.vrg.org/family.

>

>