Guest guest Posted November 30, 2001 Report Share Posted November 30, 2001 I may be just venting here but.... I really CAN NOT fanthom why my father, who knows that I am vegan.... (though maybe we can say he is ignorant as to what that really means and why I have made the choice to be vegan) would ask ME to buy him a BIG SALAMI for Christmas?!!!! He is THE hardest person I know to buy for... and yet I strive to make an effort becuase I really do want to make him happy and believe in really trying to give from the heart and want to give that one hidden desire that will lift a persons spirit. But does it have to be a Salami? And he goes on to explain " those really big ones, you know, the hard kind not that cotta stuff or that summer sausage ... YOU know the kind I like. " he tells me. Yes in past years he has gotten it and from me ( prior to my enlistment into eating humanely). But things are not the same.... and I am the only vegan in the family ( aside from my children). Did he have to ask ME? Is he testing me, does he sense my " weakness " in wanting to keep peace and make him happy. It is the ONLY thing he said he wanted. And my anger at myself for using the word salami setting my self up for this. All I did was ask him what he wanted he said " nothing..any thing... don't worry about it. " I asked " what is there that you would like but won't buy for yourself? " he replied " I don't know...I don't know what I want. " here it is the part where I screwed up......but... before that let me defend myself my saying... that every year ,since we were young, my siblings and I end up buying him nuts, candy, salami, or some sort of food... becuase that is the only thing that you can garentee that he will use within a year or so, and he is rarely happy with anything else... if he is even happy with that...( his diet is limited... by his own choosing, so a humane substitute will not please him and would probably actually offed him) But ... I said " you must be tired of nuts and salami Dad... what do you really want? " his reply " yeah get me a salami... those really big ones.... " ....etc. etc...... " YOU know the kind I like. " Please... pray that my head and heart do not blow up here becuase of the guilt of considering it and of the guilt the two choices I could make here to try and be peaceful and try to get him somthing that I know he would actually enjoy. Whose feelings are most important here? in this situation.... Anything else will not make him happy becuase he told me what he wanted... but... How can I give it to him with a whole in my heart.... Huuuhhhhhmmmmmmm..... I love and I have respect for this man , even though we truely disagree on many things and on so many levels. Anybody have any words of inspiration that might help me at least feel better about myself in this lose/lose situation? Debbie GeoCities - quick and easy web site hosting, just $8.95/month. http://geocities./ps/info1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2001 Report Share Posted November 30, 2001 Can you get him a soy salami? Maybe with a note that tells him how you love him and will get him anything his heart desires... within your belief system. Even if you weren't a vegan, you wouldn't get him puppy meat just because that was a delicacy served to him once in a foreign country and he wanted to try it again... same idea in my mind... Karen > > Abitof Mystique [a_bit_of_mystique] > Friday, November 30, 2001 12:26 AM > > Maybe just venting but..... > > > > I may be just venting here but.... I really CAN NOT > fanthom why my father, who knows that I am vegan.... > (though maybe we can say he is ignorant as to what > that really means and why I have made the choice to be > vegan) would ask ME to buy him a BIG SALAMI for > Christmas?!!!! > > He is THE hardest person I know to buy for... and yet > I strive to make an effort becuase I really do want to > make him happy and believe in really trying to give > from the heart and want to give that one hidden desire > that will lift a persons spirit. But does it have to > be a Salami? And he goes on to explain " those really > big ones, you know, the hard kind not that cotta stuff > or that summer sausage ... YOU know the kind I like. " > he tells me. Yes in past years he has gotten it and > from me ( prior to my enlistment into eating > humanely). But things are not the same.... and I am > the only vegan in the family ( aside from my > children). Did he have to ask ME? > > Is he testing me, does he sense my " weakness " in > wanting to keep peace and make him happy. > > It is the ONLY thing he said he wanted. And my anger > at myself for using the word salami setting my self up > for this. All I did was ask him what he wanted he > said " nothing..any thing... don't worry about it. " I > asked " what is there that you would like but won't > buy for yourself? " he replied " I don't know...I don't > know what I want. " > > here it is the part where I screwed up......but... > before that let me defend myself my saying... that > every year ,since we were young, my siblings and I end > up buying him nuts, candy, salami, or some sort of > food... becuase that is the only thing that you can > garentee that he will use within a year or so, and he > is rarely happy with anything else... if he is even > happy with that...( his diet is limited... by his own > choosing, so a humane substitute will not please him > and would probably actually offed him) > > But ... I said " you must be tired of nuts and salami > Dad... what do you really want? " his reply " yeah get > me a salami... those really big ones.... " ....etc. > etc...... " YOU know the kind I like. " > > Please... pray that my head and heart do not blow up > here becuase of the guilt of considering it and of the > guilt the two choices I could make here to try and be > peaceful and try to get him somthing that I know he > would actually enjoy. Whose feelings are most > important here? in this situation.... Anything else > will not make him happy becuase he told me what he > wanted... but... How can I give it to him with a > whole in my heart.... > > Huuuhhhhhmmmmmmm..... > > > I love and I have respect for this man , even though > we truely disagree on many things and on so many > levels. > > > Anybody have any words of inspiration that might help > me at least feel better about myself in this lose/lose > situation? > > > > Debbie > > > > > GeoCities - quick and easy web site hosting, just $8.95/month. > http://geocities./ps/info1 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2001 Report Share Posted November 30, 2001 Hi Debbie, If your dad is like my parents--they never want anything and they've had years to accumulate tons of things--he might not be comfortable asking for things. It's the thought that counts, in any case. I'm sure he'd understand you are uncomfortable giving him the sausage...how about the fancy nuts and something like a coupon book of personal favors (if you're near) or framed pix of the grandkids? I don't know him of course, but surely he wouldn't want you to feel guilty about it. Best wishes, Barbara --- Abitof Mystique <a_bit_of_mystique wrote: > > I may be just venting here but.... I really CAN NOT > fanthom why my father, who knows that I am vegan.... > (though maybe we can say he is ignorant as to what > that really means and why I have made the choice to > be > vegan) would ask ME to buy him a BIG SALAMI for > Christmas?!!!! > > He is THE hardest person I know to buy for... and > yet > I strive to make an effort becuase I really do want > to > make him happy and believe in really trying to give > from the heart and want to give that one hidden > desire > that will lift a persons spirit. But does it have to > be a Salami? And he goes on to explain " those really > big ones, you know, the hard kind not that cotta > stuff > or that summer sausage ... YOU know the kind I > like. " > he tells me. Yes in past years he has gotten it and > from me ( prior to my enlistment into eating > humanely). But things are not the same.... and I am > the only vegan in the family ( aside from my > children). Did he have to ask ME? > > Is he testing me, does he sense my " weakness " in > wanting to keep peace and make him happy. > > It is the ONLY thing he said he wanted. And my anger > at myself for using the word salami setting my self > up > for this. All I did was ask him what he wanted he > said " nothing..any thing... don't worry about it. " > I > asked " what is there that you would like but won't > buy for yourself? " he replied " I don't know...I > don't > know what I want. " > > here it is the part where I screwed up......but... > before that let me defend myself my saying... that > every year ,since we were young, my siblings and I > end > up buying him nuts, candy, salami, or some sort of > food... becuase that is the only thing that you can > garentee that he will use within a year or so, and > he > is rarely happy with anything else... if he is even > happy with that...( his diet is limited... by his > own > choosing, so a humane substitute will not please > him > and would probably actually offed him) > > But ... I said " you must be tired of nuts and > salami > Dad... what do you really want? " his reply " yeah > get > me a salami... those really big ones.... " ....etc. > etc...... " YOU know the kind I like. " > > Please... pray that my head and heart do not blow up > here becuase of the guilt of considering it and of > the > guilt the two choices I could make here to try and > be > peaceful and try to get him somthing that I know he > would actually enjoy. Whose feelings are most > important here? in this situation.... Anything else > will not make him happy becuase he told me what he > wanted... but... How can I give it to him with a > whole in my heart.... > > Huuuhhhhhmmmmmmm..... > > > I love and I have respect for this man , even though > we truely disagree on many things and on so many > levels. > > > Anybody have any words of inspiration that might > help > me at least feel better about myself in this > lose/lose > situation? > > > > Debbie > > > > > GeoCities - quick and easy web site hosting, > just $8.95/month. > http://geocities./ps/info1 > > Everything you'll ever need on one web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts http://uk.my. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2001 Report Share Posted November 30, 2001 Well now it wouldn't be a surprise if you get him what he asked for! How 'bout you just get him a gift certificate for Hickory Farms or Swiss Colony? That way he can make the choice himself, and you can have the naive hope that just maybe he'll choose something other than salami. Or get him something lasting like a fancy knife and cutting board (for the salami he buys himself)! He sounds a lot like my grandfather- I usually just give him clothes or a coffee table book. Goodluck! Bonnie - " Abitof Mystique " <a_bit_of_mystique Friday, November 30, 2001 12:25 AM Maybe just venting but..... > > I may be just venting here but.... I really CAN NOT > fanthom why my father, who knows that I am vegan.... > (though maybe we can say he is ignorant as to what > that really means and why I have made the choice to be > vegan) would ask ME to buy him a BIG SALAMI for > Christmas?!!!! > > He is THE hardest person I know to buy for... and yet > I strive to make an effort becuase I really do want to > make him happy and believe in really trying to give > from the heart and want to give that one hidden desire > that will lift a persons spirit. But does it have to > be a Salami? And he goes on to explain " those really > big ones, you know, the hard kind not that cotta stuff > or that summer sausage ... YOU know the kind I like. " > he tells me. Yes in past years he has gotten it and > from me ( prior to my enlistment into eating > humanely). But things are not the same.... and I am > the only vegan in the family ( aside from my > children). Did he have to ask ME? > > Is he testing me, does he sense my " weakness " in > wanting to keep peace and make him happy. > > It is the ONLY thing he said he wanted. And my anger > at myself for using the word salami setting my self up > for this. All I did was ask him what he wanted he > said " nothing..any thing... don't worry about it. " I > asked " what is there that you would like but won't > buy for yourself? " he replied " I don't know...I don't > know what I want. " > > here it is the part where I screwed up......but... > before that let me defend myself my saying... that > every year ,since we were young, my siblings and I end > up buying him nuts, candy, salami, or some sort of > food... becuase that is the only thing that you can > garentee that he will use within a year or so, and he > is rarely happy with anything else... if he is even > happy with that...( his diet is limited... by his own > choosing, so a humane substitute will not please him > and would probably actually offed him) > > But ... I said " you must be tired of nuts and salami > Dad... what do you really want? " his reply " yeah get > me a salami... those really big ones.... " ....etc. > etc...... " YOU know the kind I like. " > > Please... pray that my head and heart do not blow up > here becuase of the guilt of considering it and of the > guilt the two choices I could make here to try and be > peaceful and try to get him somthing that I know he > would actually enjoy. Whose feelings are most > important here? in this situation.... Anything else > will not make him happy becuase he told me what he > wanted... but... How can I give it to him with a > whole in my heart.... > > Huuuhhhhhmmmmmmm..... > > > I love and I have respect for this man , even though > we truely disagree on many things and on so many > levels. > > > Anybody have any words of inspiration that might help > me at least feel better about myself in this lose/lose > situation? > > > > Debbie > > > > > GeoCities - quick and easy web site hosting, just $8.95/month. > http://geocities./ps/info1 > > > > For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for families go to http://www.vrg.org/family. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2001 Report Share Posted November 30, 2001 Hmmm....it would seem to me that if one asks a vegetarian to purchase a salami, then one must be expecting a vegetarian salami. That would be one way to honor the request without dishonoring your values! I know a company called Tivall (Kosher, I believe) makes a vegetarian salami. But since I've never actually looked at it for myself, I'm not sure if it's vegan. I would think that your father would understand if you explained that you cannot make this purchase because it doesn't fit in with your values. He may not have considered the fact that your vegetarian ethics extend to the purchasing of products for others. Best of luck in making your decision, and remember that you don't have to compromise yourself to make others happy. Robin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2001 Report Share Posted December 1, 2001 Debbie, I would just buy your father the biggest assortment of nuts that you can find and when he opens up the present tell him you wish it could have been salami but you are a vegan now and it would have gone against your beliefs. If he makes noises what can you do? Just realize you are doing what is right for you and everyone will not agree w/ you and many of them will take offense. I've resigned myself to the fact that some people will never get it and they are allowed to feel that way no matter how much I would love to bring them over to my way of thinking. Good luck and please stick to your guns, JENNIFER Buy the perfect holiday gifts at Shopping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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