Guest guest Posted January 28, 2002 Report Share Posted January 28, 2002 I am at a loss for words on this one...any feedback would be greatly appreciated. We recently invited some new friends over to our house for dinner. I am vegan and my husband is a carnivore. (My husband is welcome to eat meat out but I cook vegan in the home and he is very happy as I am a very good cook.) The couple we invited for dinner both eat meat but are very health conscious (they are owners of a health food store and he is a nutritionist). When I invited them to dinner, I asked if they had any dietary restrictions. The husband said that the wife didn't eat wheat and I said that was fine because I didn't cook with wheat anyway. Then the husband said, " I guess you will be cooking vegan " . I said yes. He said, " Well, you know we don't ascribe to that lifestyle " . I said that I knew that - even though I thought to myself, " Well, you certainly must eat vegetables, grains and fruit, right? " He then asked if there would be protein for dinner. I said, of course, tofu, legumes, etc., but he did not seemed satisfied with that. I offered to cook dairy, if necessary, but that I could not cook meat. It was still an awkward moment, so I said, " Well, if you really must have meat we can order some take out food but I cannot cook it in my house. " He said that was fine. I was so mad after this conversation, I didn't know what to do. I am mad at myself for giving in. I am mad that these people who, although they are more health conscious than the average person, acted as if they would perish from eating one meat-free meal. And, finally, how rude it seemed to me to be so forward about demands for meat. It's not like they couldn't eat everything else that was being served. It really made me mad, also, thinking about all of the times I was stuck eating lettuce at someone's house because of the intolerance for vegetarianism...and here is someone who can't go without a hunk of flesh for a few hours! I want to just think up an excuse and cancel the dinner, mainly because I don't think I want to became friends with this couple and also because I think they are rather intolerant. Thanks for letting me vent, A tolerant vegan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2002 Report Share Posted January 29, 2002 I think that's just plain rude and I personally doubt you could create a friendship with someone who is just so disrespectful and just plain rude. I have no kinder words to speak. You could cancel the dinner if you like, or try it out, though I would not expect it to be a pleasant and relaxed evening if that was the start: you'd probably be criticized or receive snide remarks by this " nutritionist " who definitely sounds like he thinks he know better than everyone around. I wonder if his wife is like that too. Hugs, " My darling girl, when are you going to understand that being normal isn't necessarily a virtue. It rather denotes a lack of courage! " Aunt Frances in Practical Magic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2002 Report Share Posted January 29, 2002 to tolerant vegan, i can't believe that guy did that! i totally understand your frustration. i dont'think you have to think up an excuse because you actually have a very good one already. one idea is you can be honest and say that you've thought about it and the meal you will prepare will be 100% vegan, you have decided that meat will not be brought into your house and they're still welcome to come if they are ok with those conditions. i know it's tough and you may feel more uncomfortable, just know that you are not alone and that this is not being mean, it's just setting boundaries with your veganism and tolerance. plus your saving the animals and our planet and their health. too bad they own a health food store--must be a ton of " protein " myths flying around there! good luck! ps.. i'd love to come over for your vegan dinner!! jeannie >Zebramoon9 > > > A really weird dinner invitation... >Mon, 28 Jan 2002 14:37:41 EST > >I am at a loss for words on this one...any feedback would be greatly >appreciated. > >We recently invited some new friends over to our house for dinner. I am >vegan and my husband is a carnivore. (My husband is welcome to eat meat >out >but I cook vegan in the home and he is very happy as I am a very good >cook.) >The couple we invited for dinner both eat meat but are very health >conscious >(they are owners of a health food store and he is a nutritionist). > >When I invited them to dinner, I asked if they had any dietary >restrictions. >The husband said that the wife didn't eat wheat and I said that was fine >because I didn't cook with wheat anyway. Then the husband said, " I guess >you >will be cooking vegan " . I said yes. He said, " Well, you know we don't >ascribe to that lifestyle " . I said that I knew that - even though I >thought >to myself, " Well, you certainly must eat vegetables, grains and fruit, >right? " He then asked if there would be protein for dinner. I said, of >course, tofu, legumes, etc., but he did not seemed satisfied with that. I >offered to cook dairy, if necessary, but that I could not cook meat. It >was >still an awkward moment, so I said, " Well, if you really must have meat we >can order some take out food but I cannot cook it in my house. " He said >that >was fine. > >I was so mad after this conversation, I didn't know what to do. I am mad >at >myself for giving in. I am mad that these people who, although they are >more >health conscious than the average person, acted as if they would perish >from >eating one meat-free meal. And, finally, how rude it seemed to me to be so >forward about demands for meat. It's not like they couldn't eat everything >else that was being served. It really made me mad, also, thinking about >all >of the times I was stuck eating lettuce at someone's house because of the >intolerance for vegetarianism...and here is someone who can't go without a >hunk of flesh for a few hours! > >I want to just think up an excuse and cancel the dinner, mainly because I >don't think I want to became friends with this couple and also because I >think they are rather intolerant. > >Thanks for letting me vent, >A tolerant vegan > _______________ MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos: http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2002 Report Share Posted January 29, 2002 These people seem unbelievably rude to me. They seem to be trying to push a point that you should eat meat. Even my hard core meat eating family doesn't ask me to cook or order in meat for them at my house. Maybe you should just cook a great vegan meal and if they say anything...say you assumed they were joking about not being able to go without meat for one meal....(Make sure you have lots of vegan information on hand to support your beliefs and when the inevitable tense conversation comes up you can pile it on...this nutrionist obviously needs some information....and manners.) OR order in the greasiest most disgustingly high cholesterol deep fried burgers you can find... hahaha:) and comment about how you can't believe a nutriontist eats that crap. OR cancel the meal... I don't know...it's a tough one. Best of luck. Melanie. > > Zebramoon9 [Zebramoon9] > Monday, January 28, 2002 11:38 AM > > A really weird dinner invitation... > > > I am at a loss for words on this one...any feedback would be greatly > appreciated. > > We recently invited some new friends over to our house for dinner. I am > vegan and my husband is a carnivore. (My husband is welcome to > eat meat out > but I cook vegan in the home and he is very happy as I am a very > good cook.) > The couple we invited for dinner both eat meat but are very > health conscious > (they are owners of a health food store and he is a nutritionist). > > When I invited them to dinner, I asked if they had any dietary > restrictions. > The husband said that the wife didn't eat wheat and I said that was fine > because I didn't cook with wheat anyway. Then the husband said, > " I guess you > will be cooking vegan " . I said yes. He said, " Well, you know we don't > ascribe to that lifestyle " . I said that I knew that - even > though I thought > to myself, " Well, you certainly must eat vegetables, grains and fruit, > right? " He then asked if there would be protein for dinner. I said, of > course, tofu, legumes, etc., but he did not seemed satisfied with > that. I > offered to cook dairy, if necessary, but that I could not cook > meat. It was > still an awkward moment, so I said, " Well, if you really must > have meat we > can order some take out food but I cannot cook it in my house. " > He said that > was fine. > > I was so mad after this conversation, I didn't know what to do. > I am mad at > myself for giving in. I am mad that these people who, although > they are more > health conscious than the average person, acted as if they would > perish from > eating one meat-free meal. And, finally, how rude it seemed to > me to be so > forward about demands for meat. It's not like they couldn't eat > everything > else that was being served. It really made me mad, also, > thinking about all > of the times I was stuck eating lettuce at someone's house because of the > intolerance for vegetarianism...and here is someone who can't go > without a > hunk of flesh for a few hours! > > I want to just think up an excuse and cancel the dinner, mainly because I > don't think I want to became friends with this couple and also because I > think they are rather intolerant. > > Thanks for letting me vent, > A tolerant vegan > > > > For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG > website at http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful > for families go to http://www.vrg.org/family. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2002 Report Share Posted January 29, 2002 Dear tolerant vegan: I do not believe that anyone should be asked to violate their beliefs and practices re: vegetarianism or anything else because they invited someone to their home who does not agree with those practices. What I would probably do is call the fellow back and indicate that I was not comfortable with the way the conversation ended. Personally, I would not bring meat into the house for dinner if that is not your practice. And, I say this as a participant here who is the mother of a 14 year old vegetarian. I, myself, am not a vegetarian although we are making moves to cut back on meat in the house. I joined so that I could learn more. And I have. So many of these assaults on vegetarians come down to lack of respect for other human beings. I personally think it's pretty rude to question another's lifestyle when they have just invited you to dinner. Sue - <Zebramoon9 Monday, January 28, 2002 2:37 PM A really weird dinner invitation... > I am at a loss for words on this one...any feedback would be greatly > appreciated. > > We recently invited some new friends over to our house for dinner. I am > vegan and my husband is a carnivore. (My husband is welcome to eat meat out > but I cook vegan in the home and he is very happy as I am a very good cook.) > The couple we invited for dinner both eat meat but are very health conscious > (they are owners of a health food store and he is a nutritionist). > > When I invited them to dinner, I asked if they had any dietary restrictions. > The husband said that the wife didn't eat wheat and I said that was fine > because I didn't cook with wheat anyway. Then the husband said, " I guess you > will be cooking vegan " . I said yes. He said, " Well, you know we don't > ascribe to that lifestyle " . I said that I knew that - even though I thought > to myself, " Well, you certainly must eat vegetables, grains and fruit, > right? " He then asked if there would be protein for dinner. I said, of > course, tofu, legumes, etc., but he did not seemed satisfied with that. I > offered to cook dairy, if necessary, but that I could not cook meat. It was > still an awkward moment, so I said, " Well, if you really must have meat we > can order some take out food but I cannot cook it in my house. " He said that > was fine. > > I was so mad after this conversation, I didn't know what to do. I am mad at > myself for giving in. I am mad that these people who, although they are more > health conscious than the average person, acted as if they would perish from > eating one meat-free meal. And, finally, how rude it seemed to me to be so > forward about demands for meat. It's not like they couldn't eat everything > else that was being served. It really made me mad, also, thinking about all > of the times I was stuck eating lettuce at someone's house because of the > intolerance for vegetarianism...and here is someone who can't go without a > hunk of flesh for a few hours! > > I want to just think up an excuse and cancel the dinner, mainly because I > don't think I want to became friends with this couple and also because I > think they are rather intolerant. > > Thanks for letting me vent, > A tolerant vegan > > > > For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for families go to http://www.vrg.org/family. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2002 Report Share Posted January 29, 2002 I have to agree. That is weird. I think I probaby would have told them that if the food is really so much more important than the company, we should just forget about it. Perhaps something can suddenly come up that you have to attend to and you can get back to them to reschedule the dinner at a later time. Phil Welsher Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2002 Report Share Posted January 30, 2002 you are right and they are boors and apparantly quite ignorant as well. move on and keep your head high! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2002 Report Share Posted January 30, 2002 Explain that after rethinking the conversation, you are uncomfortable with serving meat in your home, no matter where it was cooked. Tell them what dishes you would plan to be serving, and that you will understand if they must decline the invitation. good luck Bonnie - <Zebramoon9 Monday, January 28, 2002 2:37 PM A really weird dinner invitation... I am at a loss for words on this one...any feedback would be greatly appreciated. We recently invited some new friends over to our house for dinner. I am vegan and my husband is a carnivore. (My husband is welcome to eat meat out but I cook vegan in the home and he is very happy as I am a very good cook.) The couple we invited for dinner both eat meat but are very health conscious (they are owners of a health food store and he is a nutritionist). When I invited them to dinner, I asked if they had any dietary restrictions. The husband said that the wife didn't eat wheat and I said that was fine because I didn't cook with wheat anyway. Then the husband said, " I guess you will be cooking vegan " . I said yes. He said, " Well, you know we don't ascribe to that lifestyle " . I said that I knew that - even though I thought to myself, " Well, you certainly must eat vegetables, grains and fruit, right? " He then asked if there would be protein for dinner. I said, of course, tofu, legumes, etc., but he did not seemed satisfied with that. I offered to cook dairy, if necessary, but that I could not cook meat. It was still an awkward moment, so I said, " Well, if you really must have meat we can order some take out food but I cannot cook it in my house. " He said that was fine. I was so mad after this conversation, I didn't know what to do. I am mad at myself for giving in. I am mad that these people who, although they are more health conscious than the average person, acted as if they would perish from eating one meat-free meal. And, finally, how rude it seemed to me to be so forward about demands for meat. It's not like they couldn't eat everything else that was being served. It really made me mad, also, thinking about all of the times I was stuck eating lettuce at someone's house because of the intolerance for vegetarianism...and here is someone who can't go without a hunk of flesh for a few hours! I want to just think up an excuse and cancel the dinner, mainly because I don't think I want to became friends with this couple and also because I think they are rather intolerant. Thanks for letting me vent, A tolerant vegan For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for families go to http://www.vrg.org/family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2002 Report Share Posted January 30, 2002 wow - I totally understand why you're so annoyed. They sound perfectly rude. I really don't appreciate it when meat eaters imply that there will be nothing for them to eat at a vegan meal, in the same way that there is nothing for me to eat at a pig roast where the only thing that's served is roasted pig with sausage stuffed potatoes or something. I mean, DUH, a meat eater can eat whatever a vegan can eat. For someone who considers himself nutritionally educated, it sure is an ignorant thing to ask if there will be a protein served. I mean, most all vegan foods have plenty of protein, unless you're planning on serving pepsi and licorice for dinner. I personally would come up with an excuse to cancel and be done with it. Besides being intolerant, they sound really rude and not worth pursuing. Perhaps you could cancel the dinner because your low-protein diet has left you too weak to cook that day. Sorry if I sound sarcastic, but people like that really get my goat, er I mean, get my tempeh. You sound like a pretty intelligent, flexible, tolerant person and I don't see why you should encourage this type of behavior. Someone bringing takeout to a dinner you've cooked filled with foods he can eat is the most rude thing I've ever heard. (Although my father-in-law brought beef slim jims to my vegan wedding rehearsal dinner and passed them out to our carnivorous guests, so perhaps we could have a contest on rude behavior.) Leena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2002 Report Share Posted January 30, 2002 ROTFL!! Jack in the box time! I'd cancel... what a crappy position to be in. :-( I do have a friend who teases me incessantly that " this meal would be great, with a little meat " or " I made sure to have meat for lunch since I knew I was coming to dinner " but he's really joking and he and I both KNOW he's joking. Sandra > order in the greasiest most disgustingly high cholesterol deep fried burgers > you can find... hahaha:) and comment about how you can't believe a > nutriontist eats that crap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2002 Report Share Posted January 30, 2002 Sounds like this guest is not worthy of your hospitality. I wouldn't blame you for trying to get out of it. If you decide to go through with it, though, and serve up a delicious vegan meal, he might not make the same mistake again. He sounds like a particularly difficult one, but sometimes people don't believe they can have a tasty, healthy meat-free meal until they have one. I really wouldn't resort to takeout or dairy--show off your culinary abilities! If you don't win a convert, you'll at least prove a point. And you need not ever invite them again. Best wishes, Barbara --- Zebramoon9 wrote: > I am at a loss for words on this one...any feedback > would be greatly > appreciated. > > We recently invited some new friends over to our > house for dinner. I am > vegan and my husband is a carnivore. (My husband is > welcome to eat meat out > but I cook vegan in the home and he is very happy as > I am a very good cook.) > The couple we invited for dinner both eat meat but > are very health conscious > (they are owners of a health food store and he is a > nutritionist). > > When I invited them to dinner, I asked if they had > any dietary restrictions. > The husband said that the wife didn't eat wheat and > I said that was fine > because I didn't cook with wheat anyway. Then the > husband said, " I guess you > will be cooking vegan " . I said yes. He said, > " Well, you know we don't > ascribe to that lifestyle " . I said that I knew that > - even though I thought > to myself, " Well, you certainly must eat vegetables, > grains and fruit, > right? " He then asked if there would be protein for > dinner. I said, of > course, tofu, legumes, etc., but he did not seemed > satisfied with that. I > offered to cook dairy, if necessary, but that I > could not cook meat. It was > still an awkward moment, so I said, " Well, if you > really must have meat we > can order some take out food but I cannot cook it in > my house. " He said that > was fine. > > I was so mad after this conversation, I didn't know > what to do. I am mad at > myself for giving in. I am mad that these people > who, although they are more > health conscious than the average person, acted as > if they would perish from > eating one meat-free meal. And, finally, how rude > it seemed to me to be so > forward about demands for meat. It's not like they > couldn't eat everything > else that was being served. It really made me mad, > also, thinking about all > of the times I was stuck eating lettuce at someone's > house because of the > intolerance for vegetarianism...and here is someone > who can't go without a > hunk of flesh for a few hours! > > I want to just think up an excuse and cancel the > dinner, mainly because I > don't think I want to became friends with this > couple and also because I > think they are rather intolerant. > > Thanks for letting me vent, > A tolerant vegan > > Everything you'll ever need on one web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts http://uk.my. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2002 Report Share Posted January 30, 2002 I have to say I feel like venting now after reading your story. How strange that he would ask if you were having protein for supper! Isn't that strange? I'm a very health conscious person, too, and I just don't ask people who have invited me to dinner if there are going to be foods from all food groups. I don't advocate being rude back to people, but I hope you don't have to endure your take out food night with them if you don't want to. Just wanted to say I'm sorry for your experience, and I understand... A sympathetic vegan - <Zebramoon9 Monday, January 28, 2002 1:37 PM A really weird dinner invitation... > I am at a loss for words on this one...any feedback would be greatly > appreciated. > > We recently invited some new friends over to our house for dinner. I am > vegan and my husband is a carnivore. (My husband is welcome to eat meat out > but I cook vegan in the home and he is very happy as I am a very good cook.) > The couple we invited for dinner both eat meat but are very health conscious > (they are owners of a health food store and he is a nutritionist). > > When I invited them to dinner, I asked if they had any dietary restrictions. > The husband said that the wife didn't eat wheat and I said that was fine > because I didn't cook with wheat anyway. Then the husband said, " I guess you > will be cooking vegan " . I said yes. He said, " Well, you know we don't > ascribe to that lifestyle " . I said that I knew that - even though I thought > to myself, " Well, you certainly must eat vegetables, grains and fruit, > right? " He then asked if there would be protein for dinner. I said, of > course, tofu, legumes, etc., but he did not seemed satisfied with that. I > offered to cook dairy, if necessary, but that I could not cook meat. It was > still an awkward moment, so I said, " Well, if you really must have meat we > can order some take out food but I cannot cook it in my house. " He said that > was fine. > > I was so mad after this conversation, I didn't know what to do. I am mad at > myself for giving in. I am mad that these people who, although they are more > health conscious than the average person, acted as if they would perish from > eating one meat-free meal. And, finally, how rude it seemed to me to be so > forward about demands for meat. It's not like they couldn't eat everything > else that was being served. It really made me mad, also, thinking about all > of the times I was stuck eating lettuce at someone's house because of the > intolerance for vegetarianism...and here is someone who can't go without a > hunk of flesh for a few hours! > > I want to just think up an excuse and cancel the dinner, mainly because I > don't think I want to became friends with this couple and also because I > think they are rather intolerant. > > Thanks for letting me vent, > A tolerant vegan > > > > For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for families go to http://www.vrg.org/family. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2002 Report Share Posted January 30, 2002 I have lurked here for about a year, but this I had to respond to. These people are about the rudest I have ever heard of! I was always taught to be grateful that someone would spend the time and energy making a meal for me, even if it was not what I would have chosen for myself (like you I have gotten stuck with lots of lettuce). I would not make any excuse to cancel dinner, I would just call them and say flat out that you are uncomfortable with having meat in your house and if they would still like to do some activity together, make it a food-less one. Or have them cook and bring your own dinner (I wouldn't trust anything they cooked). I would also think long and hard about increasing your association with them. They certainly do not seem like people who are respectful of anyone else's differences (you are not different religions are you? because I could see some holy war getting started). Are they on the Atkins diet (is that the protein and fat only one? I get these all confused) or something? If they are willing to do something so horrible for their bodies, then that is their choice, but don't feel pressured to contribute to it. Don't get me wrong, my dh is an omnivore, but he eats vegan at home where I cook. No one is going to get me to do something in my kitchen that I do not believe in and that I will have to live with. What kind of health food store do these people run anyway? Good grief. I think it is great to be tolerant, but not if you and your beliefs end up being treated as unimportant. Sorry, I got really upset for you. Good luck in dealing with these folks - hope you don't see them too often! -Lucy _______________ Join the world’s largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2002 Report Share Posted January 30, 2002 Zebramoon9, I agree with most everyone else here that your guest's behavior was horribly rude. I don't think you have to stand by and be bullied by this guy who you were nice enough to invite into your home and offer to cook for. I suggest calling him back and telling him that while you do plan on serving a balanced meal, you're just not comfortable serving meat in your own home. If he feels he must have meat for this one meal, perhaps he should cancel. (That puts the ball in his court, and you don't have to " uninvite " your guests.) I've had people ask if they could bring meat to events I was hosting (knowing my husband and I are vegans) which I thought was a little rude in itself, but they've always be gracious enough when I explained that we keep a vegan home and don't feel comfortable bringing meat into it. I've never had someone insist that I serve them meat when they visit me. This guy's behavior is really over the top. On Wed, 30 Jan 2002, Leena Isac wrote: > Someone bringing takeout to a dinner > you've cooked filled with foods he can eat is the most rude thing I've ever > heard. (Although my father-in-law brought beef slim jims to my vegan > wedding rehearsal dinner and passed them out to our carnivorous guests, so > perhaps we could have a contest on rude behavior.) Hey, if we're having a contest, my mother served a huge honey-baked ham at my baby shower. This was a surprise even to my mother-in-law who helped plan the shower. I didn't make a stink in front of the other guests, but we got into a big argument afterwards. I still maintain that it's rude to throw a party in someone's honor and then intentionally plan activities at the party that you know the guest of honor finds offensive. My mother's take, though, is " It's my house, I can serve what I want. " ---- Patricia Bullington-McGuire <patricia The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical. They were all, one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely different way ... -- Stanislaw Lem, " Cyberiad " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2002 Report Share Posted January 31, 2002 Hmm. Well, while I'd have been annoyed, too, I think she's right. I had a vegan shower, but I ended helping plan it (ok, the only thing she did was pay for half) when my mother ended up too busy *after* the invitations had been sent. I found a little vegetarian friendly restaurant. I figured that if anyone was THAT desperate foe meat, they could order it themselves. No one did, btw. Sandra > Hey, if we're having a contest, my mother served a huge honey-baked ham at > my baby shower. This was a surprise even to my mother-in-law who helped > plan the shower. I didn't make a stink in front of the other guests, but > we got into a big argument afterwards. I still maintain that it's rude to > throw a party in someone's honor and then intentionally plan activities at > the party that you know the guest of honor finds offensive. My mother's > take, though, is " It's my house, I can serve what I want. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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