resistant 5 year old

[Guest guest]

When my husband and I went veggie just under a year ago, we decided

that while we'd encourage our 5 year old not to eat meat, we wouldn't

insist on it. We don't bring meat into the home, but at restaurants

or at friends' homes we do allow him to eat non-beef meat which he

eagerly accepts. At first this felt ok, but now I'm becoming very

uncomfortable with it since we seem to be sending him a mixed

message. It also creates an opening for skeptical family members to

encourage meat-eating. DH is concerned that if we turn meat into

the " forbidden fruit " , it will become all that more appealing to our

son. He believes that our example will eventually win over.

 

I'd love to hear the group's opinion and personal experiences with

this issue. Thank you!

[Guest guest]

My cousin raised her 6 kids as vegetarians and did not allow them to

eat any meat whether they wanted it or not. I barely know her but her

oldest son spent a summer at my grandma's house a few years ago. He

was about 14 and my grandma said she was shocked because all he wanted

to eat was meat when he was there and could eat what he wanted. He

didn't eat anything else, just tons of steaks and anything meat he

could get. She said all the kids used to sneak meat and even their

grandma (my aunt) used to sneak them balogna sandwiches the way most

grandparents sneak the kids candy, which they loved.

 

Some kids will agree with a vegetarian lifestyle, but others may

resent having the choice made for them. I'm sure there are plenty of

kids who were raised vegetarian and never wanted to eat meat, but if

the child does want to eat meat he may grow up feeling that

vegetarianism was forced on him and run the other way when he can.

 

I went vegetarian (vegan) a year ago and did not make my kids become

vegans too. I cook vegan meals and encourage them to choose the least

objectionable meals at restaurants (like grilled cheese or pancakes)

but I'm not going to force my beliefs on them. To me, it's like

someone adopting a new religion and insisting on her husband and kids

converting too. I'm sure it would be different if my husband was also

a vegetarian and if we'd been vegetarian since our kids' births. It's

easier to just make it a family way of life if it's from the start.

 

My kids are slowly gravitating towards making the choice themselves to

become vegetarian. My oldest (4) has started to choose vegetarian

meals herself but is struggling with reconciling how much she loves

dairy products and an occasional cheeseburger with wanting to be " all "

vegetarian (I think of the dairy industry as almost more cruel then

the beef industry so it's a bigger change for her). She drinks soy

milk but loves cheese and ice cream. She also likes some meat,

although she's starting to choose less. I think eventually she'll

choose to be mostly vegetarian/vegan with occasional treats of meat,

cheese and other dairy. To me, that's more preferable since she's

making her own choices and she'll probably stick with it herself when

she's away from me, plus I'd rather see her have a long-term, mostly

vegan life than a short term (while she's under my control) vegan life

and then possibly chuck it all for a SAD diet.

 

I can see both sides of the issue. It's a tough one. It's more

difficult when kids have been allowed to eat all foods for part of

their lives.

 

I've also had vegetarians attack me for letting my kids make their own

choices. One compared it to safety issues like insisting your kids

are in car seats (which works if you believe that even a small amount

of those foods are harmful). Another said it was like insisting kids

couldn't abuse people or animals in other ways. I see these points

and they may be helpful for some.

 

Veganism can be tough, especially at restaurants or social functions.

It's worth it to me because my beliefs are so strong, but it comes

back to making my kids make the same sacrifices when they don't

coincide with *their* beliefs. We are in " the heartland " too, where

in most restaurants there is almost nothing vegan on the entire menu

other than a lettuce and tomato salad with french dressing. My kids

would really resent my insisting on that. If we were lacto-ovo

vegetarians, it would be easier.

 

One thought is to talk to him about how you're feeling and offer him

something extra to make up for what you're asking him to give up.

Perhaps you could agree on a special treat or gift (or even a rescued

animal as a pet) to make it easier and make him feel better about the

decision. Usually if you really talk honestly with kids they are

surprisingly empathatetic and understanding, but if meat is something

he loves it may help to have an added incentive besides altruism.

That way it would still be his choice.

 

--

Alicia

 

A Magical Childhood

http://www.magicalchildhood.com

 

" The best way to make children good is to make them happy. "

- Oscar Wilde

[Guest guest]

, Alicia Bayer <abayer@r...> wrote:

> My cousin raised her 6 kids as vegetarians and did not allow them to

> eat any meat whether they wanted it or not. I barely know her but

her

> oldest son spent a summer at my grandma's house a few years ago. He

> was about 14 and my grandma said she was shocked because all he

wanted

> to eat was meat when he was there and could eat what he wanted. He

> didn't eat anything else, just tons of steaks and anything meat he

> could get. She said all the kids used to sneak meat and even their

> grandma (my aunt) used to sneak them balogna sandwiches the way most

> grandparents sneak the kids candy, which they loved.

 

DH and I went veggie about two years before our oldest was born, so

I'm lucky not to have to deal with the changeover dilemma. However, I

do have the concern Alicia mentions above. Right now my children are 6

and 3, so we make all the choices for them - but it seems to me that

once they are older, it will have to be their choice. I will have very

clear rules about what is allowed in my house, but when my son is out

with his buddies, it will be between him and his own conscience.

 

I'll have to think about the middle situation (eating out in our

company). So far it hasn't arisen as an issue. We talk about why we

don't eat dead animals (I figure calling a spade a spade is a good

thing in this context). We are lacto-ovo vegetarians, so we have more

choices than some. But I am also blessed with the world's pickiest

eater, a vegeterian child who will not eat most fruit or any

vegetables, and who hates pizza and pasta, so that narrows the choices

down even more ... thank G-d for pancakes and grilled cheese

sandwiches 8-).

 

Be well, Hadass in Winnipeg

[Guest guest]

That's great you and your DH both went veggie together. It's also very cool

that you're being conscious of your son's feeling in the transition. I

would be uncomfortable with the current situation, too, for the reasons you

gave. It's a bit tough, because you want your son to eat! I wouldn't be so

concerned about the " forbidden fruit " idea. It's a possibility, but you

won't know until you try it, because every kid is different. You know your

son - maybe he is the type to immediately want what he cannot have. Or

maybe he'll be willing to go without meat for awhile, given the right

reasons. After you've given him some good, age-appropriate reasons, ask him

to try it for a week or a month (whatever seems manageable) and let him know

that you aren't going to be upset if he eats meat, but that you think he'll

make good choices, and you'll respect him no matter what.

 

Maybe a couple good veggie books will help him, too, so he won't feel he's

the only veggie kid out there. And on that note, do you have any veggie

family friends? Can you join or start a veg*n playgroup?

HTH

~Doh

 

 

> " clare12341234 " <clare1234

> resistant 5 year old

>

> When my husband and I went veggie just under a year ago, we decided

> that while we'd encourage our 5 year old not to eat meat, we wouldn't

> insist on it. We don't bring meat into the home, but at restaurants

> or at friends' homes we do allow him to eat non-beef meat which he

> eagerly accepts. At first this felt ok, but now I'm becoming very

> uncomfortable with it since we seem to be sending him a mixed

> message. It also creates an opening for skeptical family members to

> encourage meat-eating. DH is concerned that if we turn meat into

> the " forbidden fruit " , it will become all that more appealing to our

> son. He believes that our example will eventually win over.

>

> I'd love to hear the group's opinion and personal experiences with

> this issue. Thank you!