Wow!

[Guest guest]

Thank you everyone, for your responses! You've given me much to think

about this morning.

It's amazing to me, sometimes, how my thinking goes, when I stop

to consider it. A few weeks ago I realized that I automatically use

my connection to spirit when shopping, but not in more Important

avenues. I'm a Finder. And I'm an outlet shopper.

As an example, I'm going to use one from many years ago, when I

had decided that I wanted a set of bathroom items i.e. toothbrush

holder, soap dish, etc, from one of Liz Claiborne's collection, but I

couldn't pay the full mall price for the items. There were 5 that I

had decided I wanted.

What I do, is visualize the item, get a feeling on the pattern of

energy that it carries, put it out to the Universe that I want it,

and then follow whatever urges I have to go here or there.

I ended up finding these pieces over a period of two months, at 4

different stores in the metro area where we were living. I found them

at odd times, when I had a sudden urge to go to a store across town,

or one that I had never even been to before....and at my target price

of $5 a piece.

Soooo......my realization was in the form of a question: " Why

would God send me shopping Angels so that I could find all of the

pieces of a bathroom set, and not send me guidance for the rest of my

life? " (God values cozy bathrooms more than inner peace??) Why would

I have such a firm and automatic belief that I would be guided in

Shopping, but then forget that belief Entirely when it came to

important life issues?

Maybe it's not even a Belief any more, but a Knowing that I can

find anything I want to find. (this came in handy when I was doing

private investigator work) From that aspect, it's not even a Belief

that I need to cultivate, that I will be guided in the rest of my

life, but a Knowing.

We were able to live, for nine months, in a small town in

northern CA, that lies between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe, in the

foothills. It was the place that I was most energetically connected.

I was having some synchronicities there. There is one that I don't

talk about very much. I don't understand the Why of this.....I will

explain what " why " later.

In spite of my feelings of connectedness, my husband and I were

having some marriage problems....exacerbated by the fact that they

had sent him to Detroit, and he was returning home for 2 day visits

every three weeks. As such, I was struggling with depression. One

weekend, when he was home, he decided to take our children and go to

a movie. I begged off, saying that I wasn't feeling well. And so,

they left the house.

I sat down in our bedroom and began counting pills.....75 xanax,

leftover vicodin, misc muscle relaxants.....and opened a bottle of

wine. A debate started in my head. The " voices " were telling me that

I shouldn't do it. I told the voices, that they could not stop

me....I pointed out that my family would be gone for two hours or

more, I had made no friends there, there were no neighbors or family

to stop by....they Could Not stop me. Everything was bleak, I had

nothing to live for. I kept telling them " you Can't stop me! " This

went on for about 20 minutes.

I poured my first glass of wine, put the first pile of pills in my

hand, and suddenly, the bedroom door opened, and there was my

husband. I was shocked. He picked up the pills, grabbed me by the

hand, and pulled me out to the car, shoved me in, and took me to the

theatre. I was greatly surprised and confused. I asked him, at one

point, why he came back. He said that he drove into the theatre

parking lot, and felt that he needed to come back to get me. So, he

turned around and did just that.

I couldn't understand Why they would save me. There's been alot of

pain since, in my life, and I still, after 7 years, don't understand

Why I would be saved. What is it that I am supposed to make of what

has appeared to me, to be a pathetic mess of a life? So there you

have it.....Renee has shopping Angels and Don't Kill Yourself Angels,

but the How to Find Peace in Your Life Angels seem to be noticeably

missing.

Then again, maybe I don't really need to know Why. Namaste, Renee