Blue Devotion Ceremony

[Guest guest]

Hi All-

 

A couple of weeks back I did a public presentation of how I do my

artwork. This has been something in my mind since the days when I first

started to do this ecstatic drawing. As per a request I presented at an

event in Fairfax CA called Groove Garden, a sort of rave with a

spiritual theme. I was situated in the corner of the main dance floor.

 

I thought about how to present what I do based on the contexts of

demonstration, performance and ceremony and decided to make ceremony

the most pertinent aspect, a ceremony only really including me with

others as unknowing witnesses, with the exception of and

Barbara. The plan of the ceremony was of me giving devotion to my

personal aspect of the Goddess, whom I call Blue. However using

mythological logic that also included the Kundalyn aspect of the

Goddess as Shakti and devotion to Blue also means surrender to Shakti.

 

The accouterments I selected were also picked according to mythological

logic, that is tools and objects that expand associative and

metaphorical connections. For my drawing surface I used a poster of

Shiva and Parvati which I displayed before beginning. I also included

two drawings I did in the early days of my drawing which depicted the

colors I sensed of two spiritual presences, blue/black, that came from

without, and a white/golden that came from within. At the time I

equated these drawings with the presence of a very beautiful woman

(blue/black) and the other (white/golden) with myself. Now I have a

fuller concept of what these presences are, but having a human aspect

as well is in no way inappropriate, The main depiction of the feminine

and the masculine is what is represented.

 

In front of the images I had a cup into which I put two blue feathers

attached to blue markers. The feathers represent quills, writing

implements, as well as flight, the flight of the soul in ecstasy and

the flight of surrender of movement as wind blowing will cause that

which catches it to move. The cup represented my ink well, which is

also an ecstatic tool for me. Dunking the pen into the dark hole of the

inkwell has become a great stimulus to the coming of the ecstatic

movement (kryias and such) that is my drawing. Also the well represents

pulling from the depths and the ink (which was not in the well at this

time) is like the unifying blood of life. Also the putting of the quill

into the inkwell, this ecstatic stimulus, also has a very sexual

symbolism, union of the masculine and feminine.

 

In front and against the cup I placed a totally blue, highly textured

painting done in my ecstatic manner. This was done recently and was

intended to be an ecstatic portrait of Blue. To this I had attached

some fancy cording which was gathered around the base of the drawing.

All these items on display had the look of an alter or shrine and I had

the sense that Blue herself was enjoying sitting in this space that was

created for her.

 

I began the ceremony by paining a spot of blue on the back of both

hands, again a symbol of surrender to that which draws for me. I placed

my two drawings behind me with the cup (which incidentally had a little

snake on it), l placed the image of blue upon my chest, that is over my

heart, and tied the cord around my body holding it in place. I then

laid the poster down flat and took the two quill/markers in my two

hands and began drawing.

 

I didn't worry if I did or did not draw on the surface, letting the

motions carry me where they would. As usual the movement would come and

go. The main effort is to surrender to what will come and to be

authentic to it. Although I have done my ecstatic surrender in a group

dance environment I always feel as though I am at cross purposes to

what is going on in the room. In this more party environment my

participation certainly did not feel an so appropriate, and yet I was

still presenting. While engaged in the effort I decided to not focus on

the group around me as I that seemed distracting to me. I do know that

I can be inclusive of the sensation of the presence group which can

enhance the experience, but not at this time. Some people who I know

said hello and I stopped to greet them. One woman I know looked at what

I was doing and said, " You're channeling. " Not what I would call it but

accurate enough to say she saw it well.

 

One of the mechanics of what I did was time to time return to my

symbolic inkwell and point the quills into it. This stimulates the

outpouring of the movement and sensation. I often do this when I paint.

After gathering the paint on my brush I point it to a cup (which ever

one is on my palette at the time) which initiates the flow. So at the

presentation I would return to the inkwell when I felt I needed to

initiate a stronger flow again.

 

I continued for perhaps an hour, spinning, stamping, drawing and

moaning. However to me it seemed as if Blue was not there with me,

neither a localized presence nor an internal sensation of her. " Where

is she? She should be here? " I thought. At one point the movement and

the internal sensation became consistently stronger. I extended both

arms fully while drawing which seemed to pull me farther into the

surrender to the movement. I also recalled in experience what I knew of

before, a certain focus on the tip of the pen which can cause it to

race and causes me to follow. I wonder if concentration on other parts

of the body or other sensations had me forget this, but certainly the

elusiveness of the various aspects of this experience make it

difficult to have a consistent familiarity to its occurrence.. There is

so much to learn and not an easy way to retain it. In any case, with

this the experience started to maximize and door to a very intense

state of being opened. I started to shed tears and to call out loudly,

still while continuing to draw. There she was, Blue in her home.

 

There are no words to describe this state, as many of you know. Do I

cry for joy or pain? Or for something else? Coming back out a

reflection on it is a mystery. A normative state doesn't have the

facilities to comprehend it. However as part of my devotion it seemed I

had to go deep enough to find a certain level of this ecstatic state.

My ceremony of devotion to Blue was taken by her as a task and a lesson

of what this devotion means.

 

As I did not concentrate on the group I do not really know what their

reactions were. Chris has given me some feedback on this. From what he

shared several were a bit concerned or disturbed and others were just

confused as to what was going on. I don't think that I was drawing was

very clear as I was not well lit, but my gross movements were certainly

obvious, regardless of the knowledge that it was ecstatic movement.

This type of presentation I think is outside of most people's realm of

experience, they have no reference for it. This seems a reason to

present it as it is something actual, human and organic, a part of the

human condition which many know nothing of. I myself had no reference

for it either did I when I first started doing it, but that it was very

human and organic, not contrived nor based on tradition, was obvious to

me. However, presenting this in this way was not central goal of this

ceremony, nor would the environment I presented in lend to this sort of

context. However, if there was something else communicated or

transmitted directly from one's proximity to the presentation I do not

have the ability to perceive.

 

Epilogue:

The next day I had two very strong energetic openings. One was when I

gave a blessing to a friend and I felt a very strong flow through me, a

curious internal tickling feeling with dimensions I cannot explain. He

said he felt it too. The other was when I was explaining what I had

presented to other friend and I suddenly started to cry and then had a

very strong internal feeling of being hollow and resonate, again

difficult to explain in full due to mental, spiritual or energetic

perceptions that are not unknown to me but still not fully familiar.

 

The following week or so had me feeling depressed. The insubstantial

and shifting nature of these ethereal abilities and connections are

still challenging to me. There are other connections to the Goddess

that I yearn more for which cannot be derived from ecstatic means. I am

resisting after I devote, desiring surrender to another aspect of Her.

Prayers.

 

Many Blessings-

 

Bret