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hi chrism,

 

Two different things happened back then, there were like hundreds or

thousands of beings from all cultures, predominantely natives of

every land...medicine men/women...who didn't want their knowledge of

healing and what they had learnt on Earth to be lost.

 

It was so vast there's no way I could learn it so my mind or sub

conscious was opened and it just poured into me. It was a terrible

couple of days as I was overwhelmed and overpowered by it all. All I

know now is that it's inside of me and when I need it I will call it

up, or it will be brought up if required.

 

After all that there was one more book I was to read and I couldn't

read it. I sat with a blank frame of mind as I couldn't absorb

anymore information, I couldn't watch TV or read a book or anything.

I had to sit and be still - nonthinking.

 

So I remembered reading about Edgar Cayce and how he would absorb a

book by sleeping on it...so I did that with the book I was supposed

to read. I felt it worked, I slept for a few hours and felt much

better when I woke up.

 

The other 'lineage' occurance was at the same time. A living Yogi

came to me and told me all about his lineage and me learning it or

being in it....however it's described. I said no because I believe I

had a choice too...but he didn't take any notice of me. I nominated

another lineage that I felt more comfortable with but it was ignored.

 

Before writing this email I sat and thought about it all and realised

I have done it anyway...this is where Vastu is coming from...and also

I brought up the past knowledge that has been lost or misinterpreted

because it's so old.

 

My guidance (or me - I don't know who's who anymore) said this

morning that I've now gone to another level with the lineage thing

and I'm allowed to create my own 'Yoga' or lineage...which is my

business. It's all about leading a good lifestyle, in balance with

the earth and universal laws...and helping people find their

reconnection with God/Source....and finding their own true self.

 

But I'm not the Guru or the healer....my aim is to help them find the

Guru/Teacher/God within...become their own healer etc.

 

Something along the lines of that saying (can't remember it exactly)

Don't give man his meal of fish - teach him how to fish for

himself...any one know the correct story?

 

Things are happening at a fast pace for me now and I'm burning with

the Kundalini....I'm being aligned with something...my path...

 

I know you and others on the lists will tell me to surrender....but

all I feel is depression, I don't want this in my life, I don't want

to be a healer or teacher...all I want is my normal life, my kids and

my family most of all....I miss them because I spend so much time

alone going through K clearings and stupid phobias and fears.....

 

my heart just isn't in it....

 

Amaargi

 

 

 

, chrism

<> wrote:

>

> Amaargi,

> You should write as much as you can of the

knowledge that was given. They havent wasted their time on you as you

are still in process, you will change as you continue your journey.

The line of Kundalini I have is similar to that of a person who is

called " John of God " in Brazil. A lineage is a line or a continuation

of a pattern. Your lineage is a strong one and is and will do many

good things for many individuals. Do as much as you possibly can to

include it in your life by surrendering completely to your Kundalini,

that is the doorway to the answers you seek . You are passing on

aspects of your lineage on the Oz list and this one and it is most

welcome. More later as I must go now.....blessings-chrism

>

>

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Hi Anne-

 

I can relate to this. I think I am greatly vacillating between

surrender and resistance, the more surrender the more resistance. I

have done some work and am more open but the result is not a comfort, .

What comes doesn't address my wants. It seems to want to transcend

them, by pass them, as if they have no relevance at all. I get a bigger

sense of spirit, mine or otherwise, I do not know either like you. It

is still very subtle like a muffled voice which has just gotten louder.

It is like a different body that is round and impermeable, spacious but

hard. I cannot identify with it, it is beyond personality and in so

very impersonal. It cannot address my wants, there is nothing there to

want and no way of wanting it. If this is me it is very different than

me.

 

My yearnings in life are still great and I am passing a very lonely

time. I feel a need to divest from all yearnings that now I think of as

false promises, forgoing pursuing what would be considered certain

expected and well adjusted relationships. I am very irritated with most

interactions. Most people I cannot understand anymore, it is like they

are speaking gibberish. I don't sense they get what I say either.

People also respond to something in me that I know is there but which I

don't seem to be able to manifest in my manner and personality and they

get disappointed to find that I am not what they thought I was. They

often don't understand how it is emanating and get confused from their

expectation of how it should be, which must make them uncomfortable.

What I most want from others now as far as interaction is to play

music, good music. This I can see as a relationship that can nurture

me.

 

I have a great push to become more reclusive and this I think is not

outside of the plan for me. I will continue my service, which now

consists of standing outside of the supermarket and giving all who pass

a blessing with my special personal prayer, words of gratitude to my

personal name of the Goddess. This is something that I know is

powerful. I can feel it working on me and going out from me. I don't

know what it is but I know it is functioning. However this is not

something I can own in my personality and if one were to say how

beautiful this is or something else similar this would seem so absurd

to me in the context of what it is. It just doesn't apply. I can be

what the spirit moves me to be, I just cannot make it part of my

personality and cannot abide others responding as if it were. I accept

the anonymousness of my spiritual interaction with the world and

believe I need to learn how to present it this way even with making

public my art. Deference I see as a virtue.

 

I am going to go off list. There are too many words for me now and very

little penetrates. The surrender that seems to be wanted is very great

and I need to divorce myself from any desire of support with it. If you

want to write me, please do so directly.

 

Bret

 

On Feb 14, 2006, at 5:51 PM, ama_ar_gi wrote:

 

> I don't want

> to be a healer or teacher...all I want is my normal life, my kids and

> my family most of all....

 

> my heart just isn't in it....

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