Surrender

[Guest guest]

I have found complete surrender to be more difficult than I had imagined it

would be. The

past continually asks to be a player on the stage and in the scene and I find

that Trust can

be lacking due to the past wanting to protect me from experiencing anything

negative

agian.

 

Why is it so hard to let go? It is one of the lessons that is coming up for me

now. My little

girl wants to read into my experiences and project hurts onto them in the here

and now. It

is difficult to explain, but real surrender takes much effort. How do we really

know if a

situation is truly safe to trust? The mind wishes to protect, and to not allow

a repeat of

past abuse. But the kundalini requires only surrender. It is imperative that

one allow the

forces to enter and transform. And again. I wonder if it is safe to completely

let go and be

so vulnerable. But holding onto percieved hurts blocks the energy from rising

opening to

the new. My mind is in a split dicotomy.

 

Is it wise to listen to the small voice that says, " We've been here before and

it may not be

wise to follow this path " ? Or is it that in the dark shadows appear real, and

figments of

the imagination come to tuant when there is no real danger? How does one get to

the

place of trust, surrender, vulnerability, and yet keep from being hurt again and

again. Is it

wise for the fool to jump off of the cliff over and over again, every day with a

new trust?

What is the benefit of having our memories and discernment to compare the new

information to?

 

It is a sick twist of time. Now is not then, and now is always new, yet the

mind is always

projecting onto the now what was. This is my struggle. To be like a child

again and again,

even though in our world and the world beyond, there are those who will take

advantage

of this child-like vulnerability. Surrender sometimes brings fear if the past is

tied to hurt.

It is the reality for me, and I am trying to allow this to be without projecting

the old parts

onto it. At the same time, I honor those parts. They are there to remind me of

who I was

and to protect me. The void is so vast and unknown. This is the death before

death. Osho

says that one cannot be harmed except that we believe this to be true. All

things happen

for the benefit of one's or another's soul path. Trust and Surrender take Faith,

again and

again.

 

 

In Love, Tara