Inconsiderate People

May 4, 2003

Hi All-

I've been sort of on leave from this group for a little while. I had a baby back

in December and he was in intensive care for a couple weeks--everthing's fine

now though.

Anyway, I just wanted to write about how people can be so inconsiderate of

others. A week ago, I had my son's 3 year birthday party. In an effort to

please everyone, we had a party sub for the small meal that was served. I must

admit, although with much embarassment and disgust, I ordered part of the sub

with meat on it. This was to please some of the guests (my in-laws). Anyway,

there were the usual anti-vegetarian comments made, to which I just walk away

from now. What really upset me though was the fact that I made an effort to

have things they choose to eat, even though it was not something I eat, and they

were in MY home. Why do people find it necessary to make it their concern what

I eat? I don't talk to them about what I eat or what they eat. (And believe me,

I could give them an earful about what they eat). They were in MY home!

And of course, there were comments made about my parenting style. Because of my

son's premature birth, we were told to stay close to home until the risk of RSV

was over. I was labeled a hypochondriac by my Mother-in-law and Sister-in-law.

In fact, they had an at length conversation about it in my home at the birthday

party, although they didn't think I knew about it. My 3 year old got RSV when

he was 9 months and was in the hospital, and they saw what we went through with

that. I guess I'm just frustrated that my family would say these things. I am

ready to give them a piece of my mind, but I know it would get turned around and

then I would not only be a hypochondriac, worry-wort, " hippie-vegetarian " , but I

would be labled as insecure and trying to stir up trouble. I know there is

nothing I can say to the in-laws to change their minds or opnions. They are

stuck in their ways, and we disagree about much (they closed minded about

eveything from race, to sexual preference, to what people eat--never mind that

they all suffer from health problems...high blood pressure, overweight,

arthritis, osteoporosis, etc.) I just wanted somewhere I could vent, where

people would understand.

By the way, my husband, not a vegetarian, is also sick of his family. He said

he has had it with them, and if they can't respect us in our own home, they will

not be invited to our home.

Thanks for listening.

Karen

The New Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.

May 5, 2003

Karen-

I wanted to respond to your venting. Boy how I can relate! We are

having a 2 year b-day party for my vegetarian daughter this weekend.

All the people that are coming are meat eaters but my father.

Needless to say, my mom is bringing the meat. I considered putting

my foot down but who needs the grief? I told my mom that if she

wanted meat served, she had to buy and deal with it. It should be an

experience. My husband and I had a vegetarian wedding. I did put my

foot down then(8 years ago). I heard a lot of grief but the food

ended up being wonderful! I said if people can't skip eating meat

for one meal, give me a break! I got a lot of grief when I was

pregnant, too. And when I announced that my child would be a

vegetarian. What is it with people? Is it any of their business?

Anyway, just thought I would share my experiences.

Christina

May 5, 2003

Karen - I am sorry this happened to you and understand your frustration. We

home birth, are vegetarian, homeschool, etc, etc. People who aren't even

influenced by our decision seem to have strong opinions. It never ceases to

amaze me that our family decisions can be construed as so far-reaching. I

often privately wonder if other peoples' lives are so lacking that they have

to make such a big deal out of mine :-)

Anyway, we have been fortunate that our eating choices haven't caused much

of a stir, but receive many unsolicited remarks regarding our choice for

family-based education. I thought my canned response may help you. I just

smile, say, " Thank you for your concern. I will take your thoughts into

consideration, but for now this is working for us. " Then quickly change the

subject. Your response will acknowledge that you hear their concerns, may

look at them more closely later if needed, but for now have no intentions of

changing. They may eventually consider you a broken record and even a

little dim-witted, but that's probably better than " insecure and trying to

stir up trouble " :-)

You might also ask your husband to step in, if needed, since it is his

family. I would consider having future meetings with the in-laws at a

neutral place (a park maybe) so that you have the option to leave

graciously.

Warmly,

~Marvelyn

-

" Karen Butler " <kbutlerjr

Sunday, May 04, 2003 7:37 AM

Inconsiderate People

>>I am ready to give them a piece of my mind, but I know it would get turned

around and then I would not only be a hypochondriac, worry-wort,

" hippie-vegetarian " , but I would be labled as insecure and trying to stir up

trouble. I know there is nothing I can say to the in-laws to change their

minds or opnions. They are stuck in their ways, and we disagree about much

(they closed minded about eveything from race, to sexual preferen!

> ce, to what people eat--never mind that they all suffer from health

problems...high blood pressure, overweight, arthritis, osteoporosis, etc.)

I just wanted somewhere I could vent, where people would understand.

> Karen

May 5, 2003

Hi Karen,

I know what you are going through! For years my dh's family (some, not all),

have ALWAYS had to have some kind of comment about us being vegetarian. At

our dd's first bday last year, there were hurtful comments said about where

was the meat, etc...and from people who know we never serve meat at our

home. We had a 'picnic-type meal' and I went overboard with food to

compensate, pasta salads, tons of appetizers, side dishes, fruit & veggie

platters, lots of cheese & bread, etc - but still got complaints. Sometimes

they think they are kinda being funny about it, but it never is funny and

actually disrespectful.

As for the preemie part - my dd was 6 1/2 wks premature and you can bet that

NO ONE picked her up without washing their hands first. People thought we

were somewhat overreacting also, but most people have no idea what you have

gone through and what kind of risks there can be. I am also part of a

preemie too - which is also great.

Melodese

mom to Hadley 22mos.

Karen Butler [kbutlerjr]

Sunday, May 04, 2003 5:38 AM

Inconsiderate People

Hi All-

I've been sort of on leave from this group for a little while. I had a

baby back in December and he was in intensive care for a couple

weeks--everthing's fine now though.

Anyway, I just wanted to write about how people can be so inconsiderate of

others. A week ago, I had my son's 3 year birthday party. In an effort to

please everyone, we had a party sub for the small meal that was served. I

must admit, although with much embarassment and disgust, I ordered part of

the sub with meat on it. This was to please some of the guests (my

in-laws). Anyway, there were the usual anti-vegetarian comments made, to

which I just walk away from now. What really upset me though was the fact

that I made an effort to have things they choose to eat, even though it was

not something I eat, and they were in MY home. Why do people find it

necessary to make it their concern what I eat? I don't talk to them about

what I eat or what they eat. (And believe me, I could give them an earful

about what they eat). They were in MY home!

And of course, there were comments made about my parenting style. Because

of my son's premature birth, we were told to stay close to home until the

risk of RSV was over. I was labeled a hypochondriac by my Mother-in-law and

Sister-in-law. In fact, they had an at length conversation about it in my

home at the birthday party, although they didn't think I knew about it. My

3 year old got RSV when he was 9 months and was in the hospital, and they

saw what we went through with that. I guess I'm just frustrated that my

family would say these things. I am ready to give them a piece of my mind,

but I know it would get turned around and then I would not only be a

hypochondriac, worry-wort, " hippie-vegetarian " , but I would be labled as

insecure and trying to stir up trouble. I know there is nothing I can say

to the in-laws to change their minds or opnions. They are stuck in their

ways, and we disagree about much (they closed mi! nded about eveything from

race, to sexual preference, to what people eat--never mind that they all

suffer from health problems...high blood pressure, overweight, arthritis,

osteoporosis, etc.) I just wanted somewhere I could vent, where people

would understand.

By the way, my husband, not a vegetarian, is also sick of his family. He

said he has had it with them, and if they can't respect us in our own home,

they will not be invited to our home.

Thanks for listening.

Karen

The New Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.

May 6, 2003

Hi all -- one of the reasons that my ex-husband was considered to be a good

father in the official court records was because he would serve the kids

NORMAL food. This is beyond inconsiderate -- this is narrow minded &

insecure.

Karen (another Karen!)

tripleoxer8 [tripleoxer8]

Monday, May 05, 2003 11:29 AM

re:inconsiderate people