Mixed Marriages- good gourmet vegan cookbooks anyone?

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Deborah, for the encouragement.

 

I thnk it will do me good to learn to be less afraid of asserting my

wishes, and definately will check out the books. Patience and

consistency will be very influencial, in additon to letting him know

how I feel. The few animal products he's put in food for me can

easily be substitued. In addition, he once said he'd never eat tofu

but now he loves it more than I.

 

I plan on emailing him vegan recipies for when I come to visit

him. He definately does love to rise to a challenge and is very

proud when he comes up with something new that makes me happy.

Instead of giving him restrictions, I'll give him new ideas! He will

be at his parents house when I next visit- scary. They are into

healthy gourmet cooking, too, and they will be very impressed if they

are served something good that is totally new.

He is open to the the philosophy end, too. He shares my loathing

of ads from various industries peddling a high-fat, low fiber diet

and admitted having a harder time eating pork after we visited some

real-life pigs. Even if he did become vegan, I think he would be

like me and shy away from making any official pronouncement on his

new set of " rules " . Even more so if it appeared as if " some woman "

made him do it.

The whole irony is, I would never have renewed my veg*nism if he

hadn't come along and made all these new veggie foods for me, took

me to Indian and Thai restaurants, etc. Im from a Standard American

Diet family in addition to not being very creative in the kitchen.

I am visiting him (out of state for now) for a week on tuesday and

will be sure to bring up my feelings, as well as bring lots of great

new recipies!!!

 

Any suggested cookbooks anyone? (he likes the fancy, ethnic

influenced stuff, spicy is good) I'll let you know how it goes.

 

Thank you again, G

 

, " Deborah Pageau "

<Deborah_Pageau@s...> wrote:

> G said: Fortunatly, bc of me, he has learned to cook and enjoy

vegetarin foods.

> It sounds like you are a good influence on him and that he is

benefiting from doing what pleases you!

> G: But now that I am making more restrictions, I feel as if it

will make things more frustrating for him,

> I think that is a completely understandable fear. It sounds

like you really want and enjoy the relationship, and also would

really this particular issue cleared up. Is that right?

> It is good that you understand how giving up anything can

result in frustration, so that is something you can deal with in

advance by also asking him to " Please ENJOY cooking and eating 100%

vegan! "

> On another level, have you read the Mars and Venus series by

John Gray? www.marsandvenus.com He explains how men thrive when

rising to meet challenges. So, if he encounters some frustration

along the way, it is apparently good for him to cope with that

because it tends to increase a man's committment to his relationship

when he gets to feel like a hero for her sake. (I think this is one

of the ways men and women are very different!)

> and make me feel uncomfortable expressing my true wishes (or

even more so when I

> dont.)

> Exactly! As a woman, I can totally relate to what you are

saying, that it can be difficult, even scary at times to express

one's true wishes. I also agree with you that holding back tends to

only makes things worse! So, if we agree that we need to say what we

want, the next question is how to do it as pleasantly and easily as

possible.

> There are some tools of female-to-male communication that I

have found very helpful that I picked up from John Gray's

recommendations that have worked for me with my husband every time!

It starts with the woman telling the man that she needs to talk to

him about something important and asking when would be a good time

for him to listen. This gives him warning so he can prepare himself

to hear something that may be challenging to him. He is more likely

to respond rationally rather than reactively this way.

> When he is ready to listen, the next most important thing is to

ask him to " Please JUST LISTEN quietly while I tell you this. " I have

generally found this to be an essential step. John Gray explains

about why this is.

> Step three is to tell him how much you appreciate him and how

much he makes you happy in so many ways. This will encourage him to

listen; very important! If he is the one for you, making you happy

will be the most important thing to him, so hearing that he is doing

so will be deeply satisfying to him.

> Step 4 is to say what you want. I am of the impression that

you would really like him to eat and cook 100% vegan because a. it

would make you feel happy and b. it would help you make the progress

to 100% vegan that you would like to make yourself. Is that right?

> Wishing you all the best G...

> Deborah in BC, CANADA

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Deborah, for the encouragement.

You are welcome G. I hope it helps!

I thnk it will do me good to learn to be less afraid of asserting my

wishes, and definately will check out the books. Patience and

consistency will be very influencial, in additon to letting him know

how I feel.

I absolutely agree. That sounds like a recipe for success to me!

The few animal products he's put in food for me can

easily be substitued. In addition, he once said he'd never eat tofu

but now he loves it more than I.

Interesting! Clearly, he is a man who is willing and able to learn!

Excellent!

 

I plan on emailing him vegan recipies for when I come to visit

him.

Good idea! :-))

He definately does love to rise to a challenge and is very

proud when he comes up with something new that makes me happy.

Wonderful! :-)

Instead of giving him restrictions, I'll give him new ideas!

That's the ticket! We found in our family when we started eating vegan,

that we actually increased the variety of foods we were eating. By giving up

the few central animal products, we opened our eyes and lives to a vastly more

colourful and abundant array of flavours, textures and nutrients.

He will

be at his parents house when I next visit- scary.

I'm with you on that!

They are into

healthy gourmet cooking, too, and they will be very impressed if they

are served something good that is totally new.

Excellent! I have my fingers crossed for you to have a wonderful time!

G: He is open to the the philosophy end, too. He shares my loathing

of ads from various industries peddling a high-fat, low fiber diet

and admitted having a harder time eating pork after we visited some

real-life pigs. Even if he did become vegan, I think he would be

like me and shy away from making any official pronouncement on his

new set of " rules " .

Deborah: I felt that way for a very long time after we went vegan. I

probably didn't really start saying I was vegan until a few years ago. Up until

then, I used to say only that I " prefer to eat a vegan diet " . I was eating 100%

plant foods but I just didn't want to get pigeon-holed by people who use the

label " vegan " similarily to the way they use labels such as " divergent " or

" weird " . Also, I wanted to make sure that I gave the message to people " It's

not that we are different, you and I, we are all just people. It is just that I

make these particular choices about what I eat. " I always felt that expressing

it this way was more inclusive and encouraging to others to at least consider

making similar choices.

G: Even more so if it appeared as if " some woman " made him do it.

Deborah: My husband agrees with John Gray about this, that the trick to

avoiding this situation is just what you were saying at the beginning: telling

him honestly and openly what you would prefer, being patient; and most

importantly, being effusively enthusiastic and appreciative for every step he

makes.

The whole irony is, I would never have renewed my veg*nism if he

hadn't come along and made all these new veggie foods for me, took

me to Indian and Thai restaurants, etc. Im from a Standard American

Diet family in addition to not being very creative in the kitchen.

It sounds to me like you two have a good thing happening there, the way you

are helping each other move towards healthier and more consciencious lifestyle

habits! :-)

I am visiting him (out of state for now) for a week on tuesday and

will be sure to bring up my feelings, as well as bring lots of great

new recipies!!! I'll let you know how it goes.

Yes please G. It sounds to me like you are on the track to success! Wishing

you health, happiness and prosperity...

Deborah in BC, CANADA

 

Thank you again, G

 

, " Deborah Pageau "

<Deborah_Pageau@s...> wrote:

> G said: Fortunatly, bc of me, he has learned to cook and enjoy

vegetarin foods.

> It sounds like you are a good influence on him and that he is

benefiting from doing what pleases you!

> G: But now that I am making more restrictions, I feel as if it

will make things more frustrating for him,

> I think that is a completely understandable fear. It sounds

like you really want and enjoy the relationship, and also would

really this particular issue cleared up. Is that right?

> It is good that you understand how giving up anything can

result in frustration, so that is something you can deal with in

advance by also asking him to " Please ENJOY cooking and eating 100%

vegan! "

> On another level, have you read the Mars and Venus series by

John Gray? www.marsandvenus.com He explains how men thrive when

rising to meet challenges. So, if he encounters some frustration

along the way, it is apparently good for him to cope with that

because it tends to increase a man's committment to his relationship

when he gets to feel like a hero for her sake. (I think this is one

of the ways men and women are very different!)

> and make me feel uncomfortable expressing my true wishes (or

even more so when I

> dont.)

> Exactly! As a woman, I can totally relate to what you are

saying, that it can be difficult, even scary at times to express

one's true wishes. I also agree with you that holding back tends to

only makes things worse! So, if we agree that we need to say what we

want, the next question is how to do it as pleasantly and easily as

possible.

> There are some tools of female-to-male communication that I

have found very helpful that I picked up from John Gray's

recommendations that have worked for me with my husband every time!

It starts with the woman telling the man that she needs to talk to

him about something important and asking when would be a good time

for him to listen. This gives him warning so he can prepare himself

to hear something that may be challenging to him. He is more likely

to respond rationally rather than reactively this way.

> When he is ready to listen, the next most important thing is to

ask him to " Please JUST LISTEN quietly while I tell you this. " I have

generally found this to be an essential step. John Gray explains

about why this is.

> Step three is to tell him how much you appreciate him and how

much he makes you happy in so many ways. This will encourage him to

listen; very important! If he is the one for you, making you happy

will be the most important thing to him, so hearing that he is doing

so will be deeply satisfying to him.

> Step 4 is to say what you want. I am of the impression that

you would really like him to eat and cook 100% vegan because a. it

would make you feel happy and b. it would help you make the progress

to 100% vegan that you would like to make yourself. Is that right?

> Wishing you all the best G...

> Deborah in BC, CANADA

>

 

 

 

----------

 

 

 

----------

Post message:

Subscribe: -

Un: -

List owner: -owner

 

Shortcut URL to this page:

/community/

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hey G!

 

I was just cleaning up my files and I found this from you. I remember we

wrote a few times about it. How is it going?

 

Deborah

 

 

Thank you, Deborah, for the encouragement.

 

I thnk it will do me good to learn to be less afraid of asserting my

wishes, and definately will check out the books. Patience and

consistency will be very influencial, in additon to letting him know

how I feel. The few animal products he's put in food for me can

easily be substitued. In addition, he once said he'd never eat tofu

but now he loves it more than I.

 

I plan on emailing him vegan recipies for when I come to visit

him. He definately does love to rise to a challenge and is very

proud when he comes up with something new that makes me happy.

Instead of giving him restrictions, I'll give him new ideas! He will

be at his parents house when I next visit- scary. They are into

healthy gourmet cooking, too, and they will be very impressed if they

are served something good that is totally new.

He is open to the the philosophy end, too. He shares my loathing

of ads from various industries peddling a high-fat, low fiber diet

and admitted having a harder time eating pork after we visited some

real-life pigs. Even if he did become vegan, I think he would be

like me and shy away from making any official pronouncement on his

new set of " rules " . Even more so if it appeared as if " some woman "

made him do it.

The whole irony is, I would never have renewed my veg*nism if he

hadn't come along and made all these new veggie foods for me, took

me to Indian and Thai restaurants, etc. Im from a Standard American

Diet family in addition to not being very creative in the kitchen.

I am visiting him (out of state for now) for a week on tuesday and

will be sure to bring up my feelings, as well as bring lots of great

new recipies!!!

 

Any suggested cookbooks anyone? (he likes the fancy, ethnic

influenced stuff, spicy is good) I'll let you know how it goes.

 

Thank you again, G

 

, " Deborah Pageau "

<Deborah_Pageau@s...> wrote:

> G said: Fortunatly, bc of me, he has learned to cook and enjoy

vegetarin foods.

> It sounds like you are a good influence on him and that he is

benefiting from doing what pleases you!

> G: But now that I am making more restrictions, I feel as if it

will make things more frustrating for him,

> I think that is a completely understandable fear. It sounds

like you really want and enjoy the relationship, and also would

really this particular issue cleared up. Is that right?

> It is good that you understand how giving up anything can

result in frustration, so that is something you can deal with in

advance by also asking him to " Please ENJOY cooking and eating 100%

vegan! "

> On another level, have you read the Mars and Venus series by

John Gray? www.marsandvenus.com He explains how men thrive when

rising to meet challenges. So, if he encounters some frustration

along the way, it is apparently good for him to cope with that

because it tends to increase a man's committment to his relationship

when he gets to feel like a hero for her sake. (I think this is one

of the ways men and women are very different!)

> and make me feel uncomfortable expressing my true wishes (or

even more so when I

> dont.)

> Exactly! As a woman, I can totally relate to what you are

saying, that it can be difficult, even scary at times to express

one's true wishes. I also agree with you that holding back tends to

only makes things worse! So, if we agree that we need to say what we

want, the next question is how to do it as pleasantly and easily as

possible.

> There are some tools of female-to-male communication that I

have found very helpful that I picked up from John Gray's

recommendations that have worked for me with my husband every time!

It starts with the woman telling the man that she needs to talk to

him about something important and asking when would be a good time

for him to listen. This gives him warning so he can prepare himself

to hear something that may be challenging to him. He is more likely

to respond rationally rather than reactively this way.

> When he is ready to listen, the next most important thing is to

ask him to " Please JUST LISTEN quietly while I tell you this. " I have

generally found this to be an essential step. John Gray explains

about why this is.

> Step three is to tell him how much you appreciate him and how

much he makes you happy in so many ways. This will encourage him to

listen; very important! If he is the one for you, making you happy

will be the most important thing to him, so hearing that he is doing

so will be deeply satisfying to him.

> Step 4 is to say what you want. I am of the impression that

you would really like him to eat and cook 100% vegan because a. it

would make you feel happy and b. it would help you make the progress

to 100% vegan that you would like to make yourself. Is that right?

> Wishing you all the best G...

> Deborah in BC, CANADA

>

 

 

 

----------

 

 

 

----------

Post message:

Subscribe: -

Un: -

List owner: -owner

 

Shortcut URL to this page:

/community/