Guest guest Posted July 5, 2000 Report Share Posted July 5, 2000 Hey Cynthia; Yah, I totally relate to feeling afraid of being rude by asking for what you want. I really think that asking for what you want is absolutely OK though. The politeness issue comes in HOW you ask. When you do it really politely, clearly, firmly and pleasantly, the waiter can end up thanking you for the opportunity to serve you. No kidding! I've had it happen! When you practice a bit, you get good at it, and pretty soon, it becomes easier and easier and more and more fun. Some waiters or managers can be nasty about it no matter how well you ask, but I have found most are happy to do their best, and some are more than that! I think actually it's more than OK to ask, I think it is our duty as those who have been blessed with the knowledge to say what is true for us. You smile, look them in the eye, speak firmly, calmly and pleasantly, and say something like " I would like mine with just vegetables please, hold all meat cheese and eggs. " If they look puzzled or confused, be ready to clarify details like " No, no fish thanks! Just vegetables, rice is good, pototoes are good too. No, no chicken thanks. What vegetables do you have tonight? I'll have ALL of those please! No, no cheese sauce thanks. Do you have lemon? Yes, some lemon wedges on the side would be lovely thank you! " Smile, smile and smile. Pretend the waiter(ress) is being the MOST helpful person you have ever met, and s/he probably will start acting that way. I think every time we say and ask for what we want, it helps others to see the light a little more, even if it seems at first that they are negative about it. Sometimes the most negative people at first turn into the most positive... Also, I think it is our job as consumers and patrons of a restaurant to give them the chance to serve us what we want by telling them how we want our food so that they have the chance of giving it to us the way we want it, so that we can be happy with it. Because a happy customer is a repeat customer. Right?! And a happy customer tells other people... a happy customer is the best advertising possible. Cheeseless pizza is totally cool, we have it all the time here, tonight even! What we say is " I'd like the vegetarian special please and HOLD the cheese! THANKS! " The important part is to be pleasant and appreciative when they get it right. If they act weird about it at first, they will probably be much more cool about it the second time. I remember when we first started ordering cheeseless pizza, they couldn't understand at first. It was like we speaking a foreign language, but pleasant persistence and patience won out, and now it is totally ordinary to them, many people do it now. You can even ask to have the price reduced when you skip the cheese, because that is an expensive item that they aren't putting on yours! I think you were right thinking in terms of asking if there is a way to get the pasta without meat on it. They may offer a plain tomato sauce or one called " Marinara " which may be just vegetables and tomatoes. I find that when I ask them " How can I have this with just vegetables, without meat or cheese? " they get very helpful. Asking them " How can we do this? " is an open question that inspires them to think in terms of doing what you want. I have found when I take this kind of approach, it can be AMAZING what I can get! I find it is best to avoid negative questions like " Why can't I? " because that only makes them think in terms of why you can't. I want to hear HOW I CAN, rather than just reasons or more likely excuses for why I can't. That's a bummer that your Mom stopped you from asking. I'm hoping your Mom can be convinced that you can ask politely, and that she will be on your side!! Maybe it would help if you and she talk about it at home and work out a way of asking that you would both be comfortable with. If she is worried about the possibility of sarcastic remarks coming flying out, maybe she will feel better if you demonstrate asking politely for what you want at home so that she sees you behave politely. You do have the right to ask for what you want. It sounds like the first thing you need to ask for is your Mom to agree to you asking for what you want at a restaurant! This may be something that your Mom has some trouble with doing herself, so you may be moving into territory that she finds threatening, so going gently and firmly with her about it may be necessary. You can sit together at a table at home and practice ordering to a pretend waiter! That way she can see what you plan to say and make suggestions and hopefully she will find out that it really is OK. It's sounds to me like she has some things to learn from you, Brave Girl! If she persists in blocking you from asking for what you want, it may be necessary to ask her to go to a counsellor with you so that you can get another adult to help her understand that asking for what you want is appropriate, preferrably a vegan counsellor who will already understand your position without you having to defend it! Something I find helps a lot is phoning ahead to the place you are going. It gives them warning, and can reduce the tension that asking for something different right here, right now can create. When you phone ahead, you can say what you want and discuss details and I have found that by doing that, I have often ended up with the best dinner at the table! Bon appetite! Deborah in BC, Canada Hey Deborah, ahh thank you..Ill go to those sites when Im done replying to you..=) oh yes I just figured that out that now Im going to have tolike tell the waiters and stuff not to put cheese on my food and that type of thing...like my parents like italian food and like they are just cheese everywhere and i wanted this pasta but it had meat sauce and I was going to ask if there was anyway to get it without meat in it..but my mum told me I couldnt do that eh?....I thought I had ever right but..I didnt sooo it is okies for me to ask them to not put a certain thing on it?...like cheesless pizza?....Ive never really done it and Im a polite person probably more then I should be...and I feel soo rude doing it even if it is MY food and Im paying them to make it..you know? ahh and those little things about what I could say thats what I was thinking cos Im pretty sarcastic and I tell them things like that..haha so thatll be good...but Ill let you go again thanks a mill. once again bye byes..=) " Why cant the livestock be free?!? " ~silverchair ~**Cynthia**~ > " Deborah Pageau " <Deborah_Pageau > > >Re: Hey Im new >Tue, 4 Jul 2000 09:54:43 -0700 > >Hi Cynthia: > >Here is a website about hidden animal ingredients >(www.veg.org/veg/FAQ/animal_derived.html) > >I just found it on the Columbia vegan website. >http://www.sbvdesigns.com/veg/ > >The following bits of wisdom are also from there: > >131 and 132 is the personal advice of Peter Nagy, Slovak Republic: > >131. Learn to explain clearly to waiters what do you want. Then learn to >reject politely what they bring to you. Then learn to cook. >Pick some of your friends you will give your old (even vegetarian) >cookbooks. >Study eastern philosophy, animal rights, agriculture and medicine. You will >need it in your future conversation. > >132. For the sake of not to feel offended or bored with the same questions >and jokes, learn to give surprising answers to the question of why you are >vegan: > " It was my grandmother's last wish on her death-bed. " > " All people are vegan. Some just eat animal products still. " > " I want to get into Guinness' Records Book with the lowest cholesterol >level. " > " My doc advised me to eat this diet in order to live with this bottle of >vodka and 60 cigarettes daily, you know. " > " I tried to force my dog not to beg at every meal. And I got used to this >diet. " > >This one was submitted by a highschool student who finds herself... > >144. having resorted to carrying around a list of why I am vegan and common >questions with answers so that if anyone asks me anything involving my diet >choice I can just hand it to them then casually ask them when they are done >if there are any points that they find unclear. > >Wishing you happy days... >Deborah in BC, Canada > > ~**Silver Moon Goddess**~ <freakgoddess42279 > > July 3, 2000 11:51 PM > Hey Im new > > > Hello, > Im new to the list...Im 15 yrs old and I have decided to become >vegan..I > am already vegetarian i have been for the past yr and three months i >just > decided I wanted to give it all up...and I was wondering for me being >a new > vegan would there be any advice someone would like to give me?...or >maybe > like...tell me of some ingredients I should be watching out >for...neways > email me if you can give good advice..thanks!!! > > freakgoddess42279 > > ~Free the animals~ > ~**Cynthia**~ > >______________________ > Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at >http://www.hotmail.com > > >---------- > > > >---------- > > Post message: > Subscribe: - > Un: - > List owner: -owner > > Shortcut URL to this page: > /community/ > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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