Living in a non-vegan world

[Guest guest]

, " Jennifer Forbes " <missjforbz@n...>

wrote: > I just joined the group, and I am interested in hearing how

others deal with the non vegan world, and I am about to marry a non

vegan -(finding his way to being non dairy, and giving up meat from

being around me) who is very supportive and yet I am so passionate

about who I am that the non vegan world angers me. I work and live

in NYC and the fur season makes my skin crawl. <<

 

Funny: Many people refer to me as a " skin crawler, " meaning that

my lifestyle and perceptions are seen to be weird and out of

synch with others. The truth is I am radically different. It is

sad to me that others do not sense, perceive or behave as I do.

But my perception of reality is different than that of most.

 

For the most part, I don't call attention to the differences.

There's much I likely cannot say here either...except that I am

more in tune with morphic resonance than my peers (see:

http://www.sheldrake.org ) perhaps...

 

I've known of my " differences " from my childhood. I saw, heard and

felt, and experienced many things that others call paranormal. I

don't discuss these with most people. If I did, I would likely

be thought more out of touch with social norms and probably

ostracized. So I get along. I don't speak of what I see, hear or

experience that most others do not... (Many children do but then

they socialize and forget after their parents say " it isn't so. " )

 

I just make comments like: " Is that cruelty free? " even though I

intuitively know... I avoid judging others in any overt manner. But

I do make clear my own ethical standards.

 

My wife and children do not share my veganism but do follow the

guidelines of simplicity. So I am quite alone in much of what I

do. They are influenced by me and are moving in the right direction

but I not holding my breath. They are not ready.

 

I learned as a child that I could be whatever I decided without

letting others completely into my reality.

 

I don't let the values of others bother me. But I suppose I expect

more of other vegans than I should. So I have to let go.

 

There are many lessons to living here. Living in harmony and

with compassion is the important one.

 

Ernie

[Guest guest]

, " Jennifer Forbes " <missjforbz@n...>

wrote: > I just joined the group, and I am interested in hearing how

others deal with the non vegan world, and I am about to marry a non

vegan -(finding his way to being non dairy, and giving up meat from

being around me) who is very supportive and yet I am so passionate

about who I am that the non vegan world angers me. I work and live

in NYC and the fur season makes my skin crawl. <<

 

Hi Jennifer;

 

Welcome to the list! :-) I totally relate to being passionate about your

veganism. I am too, and when I first made the change in

1985, I wanted everyone to do it too. I talked it up to family and friends and

gave them books, hoping that they would change their

ways. Sometimes I apparently came on too strongly, because on occasion, I got

back a very angry reaction. I learned from that to

be more careful, because I think pushing people so hard that they get defensive

only slows them down.

 

I also began to feel depressed about how few results I was getting for so much

output of energy. I started to look around at those

who WERE getting results. I gradually came to realize that the MOST effective

people seemed to be very clear that they were

HELPING... ie., someone has to be interested in making the change first. I

started to take a more patient and watchful position,

being available to help people as the Universe brought us together. I have

found that this low-key approach has been working much

better for me than pushing ever did. It takes some self-control but I think it

generally makes for a more pleasant life for me and

is more efficient with my own energy. My husband has been a very good example

for me, as he has naturally tended to wait for people

to ask him questions before he says anything. But he DOES wear T-shirts with

vegetarian sentiments, and has posters up in his

office. These are invitations that people can take him up on if they want, or

ignore if they want. When he answers questions, he

does so as fully and politely as possible in the circumstances. He puts being a

person's friend ahead of being their teacher, and

I'd say that seems to work the best in general. Getting suitable academic

qualifications can be a useful thing to do, then you can

teach in mainstream settings. I have heard that there is a HUGE demand for

vegan dieticians, if you are so inclined.

 

Every now and then, something happens that tells me how true it is that we do

best to " teach by example " . I have OFTEN heard women

talk about having a positive effect on their boy friends or husbands, simply

because the men who love them are learning to change

their lifestyles through caring about them. I think that is very cool! :-)

Interestingly, it was me who motivated my husband to

become vegan, but then HE became MY model for how to manage the interface

between us and the world! :-)

 

An example I had recently myself of " teaching by example " is when I was going

through the check-out at my grocery store. I have

lived in this small town for many years, and we have become known as eating a

vegan diet. As the cashier on the check-out that one

day put my usual copious order of fruits and vegetables over the scale, she

suddenly expostulated " This order is WAY too healthy! "

 

I laughed politely, because I could see that even though her words were

critical, her intent had been to make a joke. I simply

replied pleasantly that I feel much better when I eat healthy. She nodded and

that was that. A week later, I went through her

check-out again with the same type of order. I thought she had opened the door

the previous time, so I initiated the joke this time

about my " excessively " healthy order! HER response was " Well, you know, I was

thinking after you came through last that I should

follow your example. " I was so surprised and delighted to hear it! Her sudden,

surprising reaction came out of her increasing

readiness, fed by observing my consistent bahavior.

 

I think people need to take their own time to come around, that is only natural.

When I get impatient, I remind myself of how long

it took me to come around...

 

I agree with what Ernie was saying " There are many lessons to living here.

Living in harmony and with compassion is the important

one. " That can be a huge challenge, but by striving to love the meat eaters and

continue to trust that they are on their own Path

towards their Highest and Best Good, while following my own path as consistently

and gently as I can, I think it creates a very

positive charge around vegan lifestyle. I have found it a real challenge to

learn how to uphold this approach, but for me at least,

necessary.

 

I wish you and your husband-to-be a long and happy life together!

 

Deborah