dining alone or sharing

[Guest guest]

Hey vegans,

 

1. A few articles on the interest of dininng alone and

doing it together.

2. They're offered because we all know the most powerful

choice one can make is about what one eats.

3. If you're eating alone consider this:

a) eating with others builds community

b) eating with others exposes them to your diet which may

be holistically different than theirs.

4. How to do this? Try a dinner party. If you've never had

a dinner party they're fun, inexpensive (depending upon

how you do them), and sometimes someone brings a person in

from the fringes of the meat-eating society and exposes

them to new ways of living.

 

http://www.beliefnet.com/frameset.asp?pageLoc=/story/71/story_7168_1.html & boardI\

D=13121

 

 

" Robert Putnam, a Harvard professor who studies the role

of voluntary associations in promoting healthy society,

.....though, more people are bowling than ever before. The

result is the " bowling alone " syndrome.

 

0----------------------

 

The New Family Dinner

There are ways to adapt this ritual to the way we live

now.

By Carol McD. Wallace

Reprinted from Parents magazine with permission of the

author.

 

Four or five nights a week, my husband and I sit down to

dinner with our two sons, Will, 12, and Tim, 9. At this

age, the boys are good company, and I know they enjoy

these meals as much as Rick and I do, because they

complain when we miss a few nights. But family dinner

wasn’t always like this. In fact, when the children were

small, we called it “dining hell.”

 

We endured whining, spilling, and endless struggles to

keep restless toddlers at the table long enough to eat

something. We weathered complaints about unacceptable food

and whose leg was kicking whose chair.

 

Ground Rules for a Happy Family Dinner

 

Attendance is not optional.

In a 1996 survey*, 73% of families said scheduling

conflicts are the biggest barrier to eating together, so

limit outside commitments.

 

Turn off all electronic devices.

An astonishing 66%* of families eat dinner while also

watching TV or videos.

 

No lecturing, scolding or squabbling.

Some families ask everyone about the best or funniest

thing that happened during the day.

 

*Survey by National Pork Producers Council

 

 

 

But as bad as it often was, I always knew it was worth it.

In fact, experts confirm that sharing regular meals as a

family brings a banquet of benefits. Ben Silliman, Ph.D.,

a family-life specialist at the University of Wyoming

Cooperating Extension Service, says, “Children of all ages

need to know that parents are accessible to them. One of

the big messages that family dinner sends is 'You’re

important enough for me to spend this time with you.'”

 

Mealtime is often the only time in the whole day when

everybody’s in the same room having a conversation,” says

William Doherty, Ph.D., author of " The Intentional Family "

(Addison Wesley Longman, 1997), “so it’s where the

family’s culture gets created.” Even more impressive is

the research suggesting that regular family meals can

sharpen a child’s intellect. Diane Beals, Ed.D., of the

University of Tulsa and Patton Tabors, Ed.D., of Harvard,

studied 80 preschools and found that mealtime conversation

built vocabulary even more effectively than listening to

stories or reading aloud.

 

 

And because gathering for a family meal is an inherently

communal exercise, it naturally gives rise to basic

courtesies, like saying “Please” and “Thank you,” and

keeping your mouth (mostly) shut when you chew.

 

Indeed, the phrase " family dinner " has become almost a

metaphor for a commitment to family--a commitment strong

enough to survive the considerable odds against it. After

all, in order to eat together, every family member must

make it a priority. No band practice, no TV show, no late

commute can interfere. Someone--usually an exhausted soul

who’s already put in a long day--must get the food on the

table, and someone must clean up. Everyone must eat--more

or less the same thing. And everyone must behave in a way

that’s not going to horrify, or annoy, the other diners.

 

 

An astonishing 66% of families

eat dinner while also

watching TV or videos.

 

 

Getting all these variables to work at the same time can

be so difficult that many families just give up. They

believe that family dinner is a good idea--they simply

lack the stamina to pull it off. And then they feel

guilty.

 

Yet the guilt and the giving up are as unnecessary as the

linen tablecloth that graced your grandmother’s table. The

New Family Dinner is a flexible tradition that can be

accomplished in myriad ways. The first step is getting rid

of your preconceptions.

 

It doesn’t have to be elaborate. If you’re torturing

yourself with visions of a happy family chowing down on a

three-course, perfectly balanced meal, cease and desist.

“I’m finally realizing that you don’t have to have a

gourmet meal every time,” says Mo Chen, of Princeton, New

Jersey, mother of Patty, 10, and Neal, 7. “You can have a

tuna-fish sandwich or scrambled eggs, and that’s good

enough, as long as it’s nutritious.” Remember, the time

together is much more important than the table setting or

even the food.

 

 

 

It doesn’t have to be every night. Sixty-five percent of

families with children under 6 eat dinner together five or

more nights a week, but that number drops to 50 percent

for families with children 12 to 17. As Dr. Silliman

observes, “You get one kid in soccer, another in Scouts,

and Mom’s in a book club, and that can shoot three or four

nights a week right there.” The solution? “Eat together as

often as you can,” says Dr. Silliman, “and make it a

pleasant experience.”

 

It doesn’t have to be at home. Nobody wants to spend a

fortune taking the family out to fancy restaurants, but

fast food can be a godsend when you’re pressed for time or

the logistics get complicated. The local McDonald’s can

provide a change of scenery even the youngest children

appreciate. “When my children were preteens,” recounts Dr.

Doherty, “we got into the habit of going out for pizza on

Friday nights. We found we had more interesting

conversations and far fewer fights. You haven’t had to

work to fix the meal, and you’re out in public, so you

behave a little bit better.”

 

It doesn’t have to be Mom doing it alone. Many of us still

struggle with the stereotypes we see on late-night

reruns--Donna Reed in her apron (and high heels!),

whipping up something tasty in the kitchen. Feeding a

family is a big job, but it can be split into components

that can easily be delegated: setting the table, making

the salad, pouring the drinks, loading the dishwasher.

“When kids are involved in preparing dinner,” says Dr,

Silliman, “they’re invested in spending that time

together.”

 

It doesn’t have to be dinner. Tom Price, coauthor of the

" Working Parents’ Help Book " (Peterson’s 1996), suggests

variations on the evening meal. " If Dad doesn’t get home

until 8:00, Mom and the kids can have dessert with him.”

Or the family meal can be breakfast--or Sunday brunch.

 

The key is flexibility. If you can throw out your

preconceptions of what mealtime should be, then you can

fashion a style of family dinner that offers regular,

enjoyable time with the people you love the most.

 

 

 

 

 

Carol McD. Wallace is the author of “Elbows Off the

Table…The Modern Guide to Teaching Children Good Manners”

(St. Martin’s Press). This article was originally

published in Parents magazine. ©1999 Carol McD. Wallace.

Used by permission of the author.