How it would sound like if meat-eaters were the minority

[Guest guest]

Trading Places

by Cara Keighron

April 3, 2001

 

Here's what it would sound like if meat-eaters were in the minority.

 

" Oh, so you're a meat-eater. Wow. I have a sister that eats meat,

and she's kind of unhealthy, but I guess if you're really careful

about what you eat, and take fiber pills, you'll be alright. I know

a couple of meat-eaters, actually. I don't mind y'all as long as you

don't go preachin' to me about what to do. I mean, if the Lord didn't

intend us to eat plants, why'd he make 'em so tasty, right? "

 

" You eat meat? I did that for a while back in my teens. A lot of

celebrities ate meat, and were obviously just doing it for attention,

and a lot of my friends thought it was really cool. I guess I just

kind of followed the crowd. "

 

" You know, I actually used to eat meat when I was about your age. I

was the typical starry-eyed idealist, right? But, it's part of

growing up to be a little bit more practical. I realized I couldn't

eat all the animals in the world, and I guess I just kind of grew out

of that phase. "

 

" It's funny, I never would have guessed you were one of those meat

eaters. I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, you're kind of,

um, small boned. I don't mean you're thin, not by any stretch of the

imagination. I like a girl with some skin on her bones. But be

honest. Don't you ever cheat a little bit, and have a vegetable

when no one's looking? "

 

" Man, here we go. I bet you think you have all the answers, but

I tell you what, my uncle had a vegetable farm, and he never did

nothin' wrong to that broccoli. He gave all those plants names,

and he genuinely loved them. "

 

" Uh-oh, I bet you don't want to hear this, but I gather. Yes I do.

It's a proud tradition. And just where do you think the human race

would be if no one gathered? Why, some of these plants would just

take over. I'm thinning them out so they can be strong and healthy

instead of competing for water and sunshine. "

 

" What do you think of those freaks who take animals and lock them

up in laboratories? Me, I think that's really irresponsible, especially

if you try and say that we have to go ahead and test drugs on them?

I don't want no rat medicine. I want people medicine. "

 

" Well, I guess we have to agree to disagree here. Wouldn't the world

be a funny place if we were all alike? "

 

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