To vegan, or not to vegan, that is the question:

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To vegan, or not to vegan, that is the question:

by Susan Crandeall, April 22,2001

Susan is 18 years old, a 6-year vegetarian and 1-year vegan.

This poem is parody of one of Hamlet's famous " To be or not to be "

soliloquy in Shakespeare's Hamlet.

 

To vegan, or not to vegan, that is the question:

Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer

The lactose and whey of dairy's nature

Or to take arms against a sea of whiteness,

And by abstaining end it. To eat to drink

No more; and by this dietary change we end

The cholesterol, and the thousand food products

That we once ate. Tis an adjustment

Devoutly to be followed. To eat to drink

To drink perhaps to sustain; ay, there's the grub!

For in that food of vegan what health may come

When we have rid off this lacto-ovo dependence

Must give us joy. There's the discovery

That makes gaiety of such a restricted meal

For who would leave the tofu and tempeh of soy,

The pantry's legumes, the fridge's vegetables

The joy of parve products, the delectable tabouli,

The falafel of abundance, and the hummus

That the now-animal-free connoisseur may partake

When she herself might her realization make

The simplicity of this lifestyle? Who would not this inconvenience bare

To drool and dream over the cheese of a greasy tongue

That the dread of something after chewing

The mooing cow, from whose sore utters

No vegan samples puzzles the will,

And makes us rather bear those bothers we have

Than fly to others our stomachs cannot digest?

Thus conscience does make vegans of us all,

And thus the compassionate hue of resolution

Is affixed o'er with the stamp of extremism

And creates a meal so full of great grains and starches

With this regard that the milk and eggs turn away

And lose their once attraction. Soft you too!

Be the fair vegan! Now, and in thy body

Be all your wellness rememb'red.