A Vegan at the Holiday table

[Guest guest]

Odd Bird Out: Maintaining Family Peace During Holiday Feasts

by Jim Neeland

 

http://www.vegfamil y.com/marriage- family/odd- bird-out. htm

 

" But what am I going to cook for you? " asked my sister Lorraine over the

telephone. I sighed, then replied, " I'm sure there'll be plenty of veggies.

Potatoes. Let us not make an issue over the food. It's seeing all the family

that's most important. " My sister and I concluded the conversation, confident

that we had resolved some major holiday dilemma that ranks right up there with

who's-sleeping- where and how-am-I-gonna- pick-up-Grandma- at-the-airport-

when-I'm- waist-deep- in-turkey- and-wrapping- paper. Picture my sister: a

beautiful, competent mother of two, registered nurse and great cook. Food is

important to her, as to me. Now picture me: a vegan who appreciates the labor

that goes into arranging holiday festivities and doesn't wish for the holiday

table to become a lecture hall, debating team, or food laboratory.

 

As vegans, we've probably heard it all before:

 

1. " What do you mean, no meat? What about eggs? Can you do them? There are eggs

in that nog, ya' know. "

2. " When did you decide to become a Vulcan? Do you attend any of the

conventions? Have you ever met William Shatner? "

3. " Aw, c'mon! Just a little white meat! It ain't gonna kill ya'!!

4. " I never ask questions about anybody else's religious preference, dear. "

5. " What do you mean gelatin has meat in it? This is lime flavored. "

6. " Do you have to be good all the time! Just put a little dollop of this turkey

gravy over your cous-cous. After all, it's Christmas! "

 

Sound familiar? The holiday season can make vegans feel like social outcasts and

their family and friends feel confused, sometimes angered and, depending on the

temperament of the vegan relative, like naughty school kids being given a

lecture on manners by the school ma'arm.

 

It need not be this way. The idea that those who practice a wholly vegan

lifestyle and those who (still) consume animal products are simply not meant to

break bread together is false and does damage to the cause of veganism itself.

(Allow me to back-track here: cross-out that word " lifestyle. " That word smacks

of lava lamps, mood rings and pet rocks. Faddish. Well, not for me. Veganism is

here to stay, both in my kitchen and in my heart.) Making veganism appear to be

some uppity sect within the larger sphere of marginal behavior is not how we

vegans are going to win hearts and minds, let alone converts. Inclusiveness is

the way, especially during the holidays!

 

Think about it. How many times during the year can those of us who are fortunate

enough to have family sit down with them and eat? By family, I mean the whole

clan: uncles, aunts, cousins once-removed and so on. Even if your family is

smaller and includes solely the immediate members, and even if you are lucky

enough to have supper together as a family each and every evening, there are

still not that many other instances during the year when food plays such a

central (and unfortunately, at times, divisive) role as it does during the

holiday season. For both the preparers and diners alike, food is the tangible

behind that most coveted of all intangibles: love. The ooh's and aah's that

accompany each course, each helping. The aromas that liner. That sense of reward

when you, as the preparer(s), can see the measurable appreciation of those

partaking of your food and when you, as the diner(s), notice in turn how your

appreciation has made it worthwhile.

Haven't we all said at one point, " This is the best meal ever! " Haven't we all

heard at one point, " You guys make it all worth it! "

 

Yeah. Connections. Grandma's stuffing. Just how does she keep it so moist? Mom's

basted turkey. She gets it perfectly browned every year. Dad's bread pudding.

With plump raisins and vanilla sauce. Aaah, yeah. Uncle Phil's sliced meat and

cheese platters. Oooooh! Taste that hickory flavor! To die for! And then…

there's you. What was it Aunt Connie called you again? A Vulcan?

 

Don't be the odd bird out!

 

If you are attending, either for the first time or regularly, a holiday

gathering, and all your carni-kin are expected, please don't panic. Don't hide

in your bedroom with your favorite turkey jerky and Free Willy on DVD. You are

stronger than that. You are also smarter. And a smart person knows how to handle

it. Take some tips:

 

The best way to avoid any unpleasantness or confusion is simply to arrange

things ahead of time. Call whomever may be in charge, and be honest. Tactfully

so. Never preachy. If you've been there before, they know what to expect. 'Tis

be a first time, ease into the subject. Do it in such a way that whatever vegan

food choices that the host or hostess may prepare for you rank among your

favorite foods. Baby carrots with pineapple glaze? Sounds great! Be respectful.

Remember that you will be in the minority at this affair (though hopefully that

will change someday!) Expect folks to be curious about what you will and, more

importantly, will not eat. Talk to them ahead of time. You will be a guest, and

the last thing any host or hostess wants is an unhappy one.

 

If it's food we're talkin' here, then it's food you're bringin' there! A great

way to talk to folks about your food choices is not to talk at all. Show them.

Prepare some dishes, and bring them along. Always remember to tell your host or

hostess ahead of time. You don't want guests to decide over two planters of yams

- yours and the house yams! Also, bring the food in disposable containers

(ideally recyclable, but don't let on; that topic can be saved for another

holiday). Or bring it in your own decorative kitchenware. Do not expect the

house to get saddled with the duty of cleaning it though.

 

Be respectful. (I know you are!) This is not the time to unleash " alien "

foodstuffs onto an unsuspecting table of flesh-eaters. The idea is not to try to

fool your family into thinking that the loaf you made is really ground round,

when it's pure wholesome soy. This is not the night for conversion. The idea is

to incorporate your beliefs with their tastes. And how simple is that? Remove

the turkey, duck, roast or ham, and the table could pass for a vegan feast:

broccoli with almonds, cauliflower gratin with fresh rosemary and toasted bread

crumbs, peas with tarragon and pearl onions, beets with citrus dressing, squash

with maple and savory, mashed 'taters, brown gravy, great breads, cracker trays,

raw veggies and fruit, relishes, jams and chutneys. They don't need to know that

you've used soy spread instead of butter in the spuds, or vegetable stock for

the gravy or soy milk in the béchamel sauce on the cauliflower. Bring the

traditional dishes up to

date, the wholesome vegan way. In all due respect to the many good folks out

there doing tremendously useful work for vegans and animals alike, and for the

good of all people really, this evening is going to be one when the militants

should be on strike. If you are planning to preach about the evils of meat

production, and how harmful it is to the human body, even as you see Uncle Harry

reaching for his 3rd serving of ham (barely two months out of the cardiac unit),

then stay home! I write this with kindness. I do not want to see your holiday

ruined anymore than that of your family and friends. Remember, winning hearts

and minds. Be as gracious as you can. Good food, vegan or not, does not digest

well on a marching stomach. Here are some other great dishes you can offer to

take with you (always with the permission of the host or hostess):

 

* The classic staple, rice and beans, with saffron and finely chopped tomato and

onion. A shot of hot sauce to taste. I like my rice dishes to have lotsa'

flavor, so cook the rice in veggie stock first. When done, and rice has cooled,

fry it up in olive oil and sofrito. Add the cooked beans (black work well), and

all seasonings and let it stew. Buen Provecho!

* Asian noodles tossed with tahini, natural peanut butter, fresh basil and dark

sesame oil. Serve this dish cold, topped with julienned seeded cucumber and, if

you're up for it, pickled ginger. Kids love this.

* Thick sliced (vegan) brown bread, topped with chunky natural peanut butter

(mixed with real maple syrup beforehand) and placed under a broiler until the

peanut butter starts to bubble. Remove and sprinkle spiced-up and fried veggie

bacon all over the top.

* Stuffed mushrooms. Take your basic bread crumb or cracker meal stuffing and

add whatever you like: chopped olives, capers, onions, garlic, peppers, soy

bacon, even shredded coconut and chopped orange, liberally drizzled with soy

sauce and a touch of ginger.

* Everyone's favorite: salsa! I don't even need to go into this. Use your

imagination and really do it up. I have also never met a person who doesn't love

a batch of fresh salsa, spicy, especially when served alongside fresh tortilla

chips. I don't even think such a person exists! If you're looking to cut back on

the fat, use baked chips and no-oil salsa.

* Mushroom caviar. Simple: Halve the mushrooms and place them in a large bowl.

Sprinkle with a little salt, cover, and refrigerate overnight. The next day,

they'll be bathing in their own rich, delicious juice. In a food processor,

simply puree the 'shrooms with soy cream cheese, rye bread crumbs, caraway

seeds, grated onion, more salt and veggie broth to desired consistency. Best if

flavors allowed to blend for a few hours prior to serving.

 

What can you prepare either to bring or at home? It's limitless. Absolutely

endless vegan options. Given that most holiday food tends to be uniformly rich,

just a simple green salad or steamed vegetable plate may be what you'd bring. Go

easy. Go to town. It's up to you.

 

Tell your host or hostess that you have found a wonderful stuffing recipe and

would like to bring it along, with their permission. Explain how you make a

superb brown gravy only during the holidays and want to share it. Find the

freshest gourmet (vegan) bread, and bring that long. And do it: make that

stuffing with dried (vegan) cornbread cubes, white bread cubes and wheat bread

cubes; add a handful of pitted fresh cranberries and crushed walnut pieces; bind

it with a little unsweetened applesauce; season it with rosemary, sage, thyme,

black pepper and a pinch of nutmeg; keep it moistened with a little bit of

veggie stock; toss with sautéed onions, celery and carrots, and add a few

tablespoons of walnut oil, for further moistening and nice character. Take along

this stuffing in a beautiful piece of earthenware and wait for the compliments.

Just don't try to outdo the house. Make that brown gravy, add a splash of cognac

or red wine. Slice that bread,

throw on some tomato and onion, and drizzle it with olive oil. Even vegans get

to splurge during the holidays. Loosen your belt for this one and save the no

fat recipes, good as they may be, for January 2nd. Prepare your take-along food

with the freshest of herbs and seasonings. And, above all, take care with your

preparation and pride in the finished product. Transform " Here comes that vegan

with all those funky foods " into " Pass me s'more of that cornbread-cranberry

stuffing! "

 

I love tofu. Firm or silken. Your fellow diners may not. I love the whole array

of meat analogs: soy burgers and crumbles, seitan in savory broth, tofu dogs,

veggie patties, and on and on. Again, your fellow diners (surprise!) may not. If

you can not do without these foods, one of the best ways to incorporate them

into the meal is as appetizers or part of a platter, such as fresh vegetables. A

block of smoked tofu sliced thinly mimics the flavor and texture of many

cheeses. A nice dip made with soy cream cheese and soy sour cream, seasoned and

spiced just right, and served in a hollowed-out loaf of sourdough bread is a

winner. Just don't lie to your family. Tell them it's tofu gracing that platter,

not an unripened gouda! The " pickin-plates " are the portion of the meal where

most folks would be willing to try foods unfamiliar to them. Marinated

mushrooms. Dilled green beans. Cubes of fresh firm tofu, marinated in teriyaki

sauce, baked, then served with

skewers. Use your imagination, bearing in mind that a main course tofu stew may

be unfamiliar and unwelcome, whereas a tofu appetizer presents a chance to

experiment. And they will.

 

Bring several varieties of non-alcoholic beverages: sparkling apple cider,

sparkling white grape juice, lemonade spritzer made with vanilla-flavored

seltzer water. Bring kid-friendly and adult-happy drinks. If you must, bring

along a nice wine, though I've always found it best to leave those libations up

to the house. Egg and dairy free " egg " nog is a nice choice. There are some

great brands on the market. Spike it yourself with extra cinnamon and nutmeg.

This is one menu item where a little " cheating " is dandy. You don't need to tell

your fellow diners that that nog they're sipping is made with soy milk. They

probably won't know or even care. Bring some flavored ground coffee and herbal

tea. Tell your host or hostess ahead of time that you will be in charge of the

coffee. Get involved in the meal though, once again, not in an obtrusive way. Be

a guest worth inviting, not one who's out for fighting.

 

Just desserts. What better way to wrap-up a holiday meal than with pie, cake,

strudel, or quick breads? If you don't bake, that's okay. There are countless

high-quality vegan dessert options out there. Does that natural restaurant in

your community, as it does in ours, take orders for vegan pumpkin pie? Go pick

one up. Again, be honest with your family. Don't pass off a vegan pumpkin pie as

one made with eggs, butter, and cream. Also, do not push. As with anything else

you may bring to the meal, invite diners to try it, then leave them alone. You

are much less likely to feel like the Great Green Interloper if you bring along

your own food, as detailed. When folks ask, and they will, what you eat, point

them in the direction of that beautiful crock full of baked beans or that

luscious stuffing sitting in that casserole dish. Bake your stuffing in a loaf

pan ahead of time. Looks great and is an unusual presentation. Shift the focus

from what you eat to how

well you eat. Also, refrain from using words or phrases such as " alternative " or

" better than " or " instead of. " The key is inclusiveness. Your food choices are

not an alternative. And you are not better than your fellow diners. You may be

more informed and enlightened, but your family and friends are still worthy of

respect. Educate them by showing them just how abundant your diet is and not how

shameful and wasteful theirs is. Fill their heads by filling their bellies. It

is the only truly gracious and respectful means of bridging gaps at the holiday

table.

 

If you're certain that it won't matter what you do, or what you bring, or how

gracious and cooperative you may be, but you're still going to be subjected to

" so how do you get your protein? " and you still want to go, then eat ahead of

time. Stay away from the table, bring some board games for the kids, and make

yourself useful in the kitchen. spend time talking to people. Read stories to

all the children. Collect coats. Be polite, pay your respects, and then leave.

Just do all of the things you would normally do with Aunt Helen or Uncle Ricky

or Cousin Ralph, just leave the food out of it. If you become the show and tell

exhibit, and the house had flat-out declined all of your wonderful offers to

bring some wonderful food, and you're left with nothing to munch on but swizzle

sticks and your own nails, by all means make short work of it. Kiss 'em all

goodbye, and take yourself, your spouse, your kids home! Doubtful that your host

or hostess would be so

obstinate or disrespectful, or that fellow guests so badgering, but if it

happens, call it an early night. I have never experienced this but I've heard

stories…

 

Family holiday gatherings are a time of belonging, of sharing. See your veganism

as a source of abundance, not as something to be merely tolerated. If you're

comfortable with it, most likely your fellow diners will be, too.

 

Now… being a vegan guest may be child's play compared to being a vegan host or

hostess. Hmm, they're all gonna be there, at your home! The phone calls are

coming in rapidly. The demands are piling up. What is this " vee-gum, er

vee-gunge " stuff anyway? What are they gonna serve us, alfalfa sprouts and mung

beans? " Whoa! That's your cue to pass the collection hat, and rent a room at

your local restaurant. Until we live in a world where more and more folks have

embraced the bounty and joyfulness of the vegan way of life, it would be the

only " gracious and respectful " think to do!

 

I think my sister Lorraine would approve.

 

Eat

Drink

Be Merry

 

Naturally!

 

Happy Holidays!