How to make friends and influence people in easy steps

[Guest guest]

How to make friends and influence people in easy steps

 

 

Hi all,

 

A book that I have been reading recently is by Dale Carnegie called " How To

Win Friends & Influence People " . This is a brilliant book that was originally

published in 1936, but the principles in it are still valid today if you wish to

make new friends and win others away to your way of thinking. It is right up

there with other books like " Think And Grow Rich " , " Psycho Cybernetics " and " As

A Man Thinketh " .

 

Although space obviously doesn't allow me to reproduce most of the book, these

are the principles it pontificates on chapter by chapter:

 

1) " If You Want To Get Honey, Don't Kick Over The Beehive " - If you want to

get the best out of other people then avoid criticizing, condemning and

complaining.

 

The more you criticize and complain about other people, the worse they get and

the more hostile they will act towards you.

 

2) " The Big Secret Of Dealing With People " - Give honest and sincere

appreciation, compliments and praise often.

 

Flattery is insincere and will get you nowhere.

 

3) " He Who Can Do This Has The Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot Walks A

Lonely Way " - Arouse in the other person an eager want.

 

If you want to be friends with somebody you need to identify with them

something in common in which they think your company is valid.

 

 

SIX WAYS OF MAKING PEOPLE LIKE AND APPRECIATE YOU

 

1) " Do This And You Will Be Welcome Anywhere " - Be genuinely interested in

other people.

 

Take the time to remember conversations with them and remember what interests

them. This shows that you care about them and will make a lasting impact on

them.

 

2) " A Simple Way Of Making A Good First Impression " - Smile.

 

No grinning, simpering or smirking. It takes only a moment to do so, but it

lasts a lifetime for others.

 

3) " If You Don't Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble! " - Remember that a

person's full name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in

any language.

 

4) " An Easy Way To Become A Good Conversationalist " - Be a good listener.

 

Encourage people to talk about themselves, but share in the questioning

otherwise they'll realize you are absorbed with yourself.

 

5) " How To Interest People " - Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

 

6) " How To Make People Like You Instantly " - Make the other person feel

important - and do it sincerely.

 

 

HOW TO WIN PEOPLE AROUND TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

 

1) " You Can't Win An Argument " - The only way to get out of an argument is to

avoid it.

 

2) " Making Enemies - And How To Avoid It " - There are two words to avoid

saying if you don't want to get on the wrong side of people: " YOU'RE WRONG! "

 

3) " If/When You're Wrong - Admit It " - If you are in the wrong, admit it

quickly and emphatically.

 

4) " A Drop Of Honey " - Begin what you say in a friendly way.

 

As Abraham Lincoln said: " A drop of honey catches more flied than a gallon of

gall " . Also remember Aesop's story about how the sun and the wind contended to

get a traveler to take off his coat. Kind words motivate more than criticizing

words.

 

5) " The Secret Of Socrates " - Get the other person saying " yes, yes "

immediately.

 

6) " The Safety Valve In Handling Complaints " - Let the second party do a great

deal of the talking.

 

7) " How To Get Co-Operation " - Let the other person feel that the idea is his

or hers.

 

Twenty five centuries ago, a Chinese sage by the name of Lao-tse said: " The

reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of 100 mountain streams is that

they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain

streams. So for the sage, wishing to be above men, he puts himself below them.

They, though his place be above man, they do not feel his weight; though hi

place be before them, they do not count it an injury " .

 

8) " A Formula That Will Work Wonders For You " - Try honestly to see things

from the other person's point of view.

 

Dean Donham, a student at Harvard Business School once commented: " I would

rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person's office for two hours before an

interview than step into the office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was

going to say and what that person - from my knowledge of his or her interests

and motives - was likely to answer. "

 

9) " What Everybody Wants " - Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and

desires.

 

Dr. Arthur Gates in his book " Educational Psychology " : " Sympathy the human

species universally craves. The child eagerly displays his injury, or even

inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy. For the same

purpose, adults ... show their bruises, relate their accidents, illness,

especially details of surgical operations. 'Self-pity' for misfortunes real or

imaginary is, in some measure, practically a universal practice. "

 

10) " An Appeal That Everybody Likes " - Appeal to the nobler motives.

 

11) " The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don't YOU Do It? " - Dramatize your

ideas.

 

Use a sense of showmanship and visualization. Give people a set of ideals for

the life and the world they want to see happen, and something to aspire to.

This is something that the likes of PETA and the likes of the INF, the AANR and

TNS need to be working on a lot more if they want to win others over to their

way of thinking instead of inviting ridicule and criticism from the majority of

society. If you focus on esthetical ugliness and feature people considered to

be ugly and repugnant, then your organization will not get respect.

 

12) " When Nothing Else Works, Try This " - Throw down a challenge.

 

Harvey Firestone, who founded the Firestone tyre company observed: " I have

never found that pay and pay alone would either bring together or hold good

people. It think it was the game itself " . Frederic Herzberg, a behavioural

scientists agreed. He studied the work attitudes of people ranging from factory

workers to CEOs. He eventually realized that the one facet of the jobs that was

most stimulating was not money, good working conditions of fringe benefits. The

one major factor that motivated the people to come back was the work itself. If

the work was exciting and interesting, they looked forward to doing it and were

motivated to doing a good job. This is what separates successful people from

failures.

 

 

HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENCE:

 

1) " If You Must Criticize, Compliment First! " - This is almost self

explanatory.

 

As was said in the film " Mary Poppins " - 'a spoonful of sugar helps the

medicine go down'. For instance if you wish your other half would lose weight,

don't say something like " I want to say something but promise you won't get

mad? " If the other party reassures you and then you say " I think you are too

fat! " then expect a kick in the groin. If you want the best out of people, show

them what they are doing right first up. Try something like " I like the way you

are handling the telephone calls, but I reckon if you want to get more sales I'd

like to suggest you know when to move on if one person is not showing much

interest " .

 

2) " How To Criticize And Not Be Hated For It " - Call attention to people's

mistakes indirectly.

 

The preacher Lyman Abbott was invited to do a eulogy to the late Henry Ward

Beecher. He read out the speech to his wife. Rather than tell him it was

long-winded, boring, and unnatural, she simply said " It sounds good if you want

to submit it to the North American Review. " By saying this, he tore up his

manuscript and did the speech without using any notes.

 

3) " Talk About Your Own Mistakes First " - Talk about your own mistakes before

criticizing other people.

 

4) " No One Like To Take Orders " - Ask questions instead of giving direct

orders.

 

5) " Let The Other Person Save Face "

 

Even when we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only

destroy egos by causing somebody to lose face. The French aviation pioneer and

author Antoine de Saint-Exupery wrote: " I have no right to say or do anything

that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him,

but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime. "

 

6) " How To Spur People On To Success " - Praise the slightest improvement and

praise every improvement. Be 'hearty in your approbation and lavish in your

praise.'

 

William James, one of the most distinguished psychologists and philosophers in

America said: " Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We

are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources.

Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his

limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use. "

 

7) " Give A Dog A Good Name " - Give other people a fine reputation to live up

to.

 

8) " Make The Fault Easy To Correct " - Use encouragement. Make the fault seem

easy to correct.

 

9) " Make People Glad To Do What You Want " - Make the other person happy about

doing the thing you suggest. Give them incentives. For instance if you want

people to do letterbox drops or poster runs for your campaign, then shout them

some food or drinks afterwards for their time even if it's on a volunteer basis.

Treat them like valued people and they'll do an extra good job.

 

Best wishes,

 

Dario Western

 

'If you think this message is rubbish, please save the environment and do not

print it out and store it for keepsakes'

 

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