Beets, Horseradish and Matza

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And The Beet Goes On ...

Beets, Horseradish and Matza - A guide to the gastronomic trauma of

Pesach

 

http://www.wzo.org.il/en/resources/view.asp?id=115

 

OK here it is again all around the table, our stomach protests just

at the sight of it all. Our cholesterol level erupts just with the

smells, and we get constipation at the thought. WELCOME TO PESACH!

 

Welcome to the matzo balls that hit the bottom of your stomach and

stay there until Chanukah. In our house there were two ideological

streams, not reform and orthodox, but the great matza ball

controversy. Every year my aunt and grandmother would fight over what

a matza ball should feel like. My grandmother thought it should

bounce. My aunt thought it should be declared a lethal weapon. My

Aunt Sophie was no mean pilpulist and claimed she had proof that her

method is based on Yiddish tradition. " The word keneidel " she would

intone to anyone within her grasp " comes from the process of testing

the item. If you throw it at someone's head and it " can addle " his

brains it is ready. Hey, she was a pilpulist not a linguist.

 

Needless to say the judgement came when you dropped them into the

soup - if the plate cracked it was my aunt's, if it jumped into your

neighbor's lap it was my grandmother's. My grandmother's was more

fun.

 

Which of course brings us to the who-will-spill-first contest. The

table is whiter than a Tide commercial: Crisply ironed linen napkins

at each setting which no one knows how to use, gleaming silverware

which are like mirrors and make you look upside down (I never could

figure that one out), and glassware so clear you couldn't be sure if

it really existed. The tension grows - who will be the first to spill

their wine. And the race is on...

 

Usually it was my uncle and we used to place bets on how long it

would take him. When he was in really good form he could spill his

cup and his neighbor's with a flick of his Hagadah all before we

completed the first blessing. I only found out years later that he

used to do it on purpose. He would see who had how much money riding

on which minute and act accordingly. I should have offered him a cut.

 

Now here we are again, readying ourselves for the dietary onslaught.

I think this is probably the Egyptians' sweet revenge. We may have

left there 3500 years ago but they sit back hysterically laughing

each year as we do this to ourselves. There is no denying most Jewish

holidays revolve around food but none more than Pessach. It marries

the two greatest motifs in Judaism: Food and guilt. So here are a few

of my favorite recipes and the " reasons " for them. Try them out on

your friends, or thinking about that again....

 

Beets - this comes from the tradition that we let nothing get

BEETween us and God. Another tradition says it comes from the Hebrew

word SELEK meaning " to get rid of " which is what Pharaoh did to us

after we drove him crazy. Anyway it's also good for staining

tablecloths and white shirts. It also looks great on fingers like

blood which is good for scaring parents.

 

Beets are the heavy ingredient in horseradish or as it's known

traditionally, " Chrain. " Where does the word come from? Sorry you

asked. I have no idea but it gives you a chance to clear your throat,

and to show off your Hebrew pronunciation. Why combine the two?

Probably from the old rabbinical dictum " You can't beet a dead

horse. "

 

The idea behind eating horseradish or general bitter herbs is to

remind us of the bitter trials of slavery. If you taste it - for the

first seconds it taste sweet - then it hits, so too our slavery. We

thought we were getting a good deal until slowly we lost our freedom

of action.

 

The idea of chrain is that it should be strong. How strong? I thought

you'd never ask. Strong enough to melt plastic! Strong enough to

bring an elephant out of a faint at 30 meters. In order to retain its

potency you should theoretically make it on a space station or better

yet in a vacuum. Either way try not to expose it to air for long

periods. Always use a glass jar (preferably with a narrow opening)

with a good lid.

 

Chrain is to be eaten with gefilte fish. It is one of the anomalies

of Jewish culinary art - spend 3 hours making sweet gefilte fish then

drown it in chrain which destroys your taste buds totally for the

rest of the meal. If the fish come back to life then you know it's

strong enough.

 

Chrain

combine:

 

1/2 cup vinegar

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 cup water

add salt

add beets (raw) peeled and in pieces.

 

You should use twice the amount (weight) of Horseradish to beets

grind it in short blasts in your food processor etc or grate by hand

add horseradish root, peeled and in pieces.

 

grind as well

quickly pour into a jar etc..

 

Make sure the beets and the root are not soft. The root also should

be the size of a 3/4 inch pipe.

 

You may want to wear a mask for this. I do it outside but check the

wind direction first.

 

Before we leave this allow me to indulge in a story told by my friend

Mike Lowy -

 

Last year there was a horseradish blight in Spain and Spanish Jews

were in a turmoil; what will they do for Pesach? They decided to

import a planeload from Israel. The only problem was they forgot to

obtain an agricultural permit. The plane landed and for days they

went from office to office trying to get permission to unload the

plane.

 

Unfortunately nothing they did was any good, leaving the local Rabbi

to comment " The chrain in Spain stays mainly on the plane " .

 

Hey don't blame me; e-mail Mike.

 

The problem with all this is that you will always have leftover beets

- what do you do with them?

 

Beet Salad Recipe

Wash them well.

Cook the beets until you can pass a fork easily through them.

Peel them while they're warm - once they're cold it's the pits.

 

Use the beet water, adding more-or-less equal amounts of sugar and

vinegar. Some people prefer to substitute lemon juice for at least

part of the vinegar. My grandmother used to use sour salt.

 

Dip your finger into the mixture until either you like the taste or

you are sick of it. If you find you added already two liters of

vinegar and 3 kilos of sugar you've got a problem. Some people like

to add a pinch of cloves or even ginger.

 

Slice the beets thinly.

Slice up a few onions.

 

Place the beets in a jar alternating layers with a thin layer of

onions. Then pour the liquid over the whole thing until covered.

Close TIGHTLY. It should sit for at least a day or two before using.

 

Enough.

 

Next stop: Charoset - sounds like a stop on Amtrack.

 

For those of you that aren't familiar with the term, it is a great

mixture with an impossible name. Some people claim it comes from the

word Cheres which means clay. The idea being that it represents the

mortar we used in Egypt when we were slaves.

 

Traditionally in most communities it is made sweet, which doesn't

make sense when you consider we are talking about forced labor.

However, consider another point: In Hebrew the difference between

Cheres - clay for building and Heres - destruction, is only a small

dot of ink. All " building " can be used for both sweet and bitter.

 

Charoset Recipe

The great thing about this is that you can't really screw it up. As

long as you like it, hey!! So keep tasting.

 

Grind nuts (preferably hazelnuts) and apples.

Add sweet red wine and cinnamon to taste.

 

Alternatives:

 

dates / raisins

almonds/ walnuts

cloves/ginger/cardamon

cayenne pepper for cajun Jews

 

 

Tzimmes

In medieval times it was eaten on Thanksgiving watching the

Superbowl. I've got absolutely no idea what it means.

 

My grandmother (yeah, the same one) would use it when basically

telling me to stop making a big deal out of the black eye my brother

gave me. She would say " Stop making a big tzimmes out of it " . To this

day my right eye begins to twitch whenever I eat it.

 

Tzimmes recipe SIMPLE!!!!

1 kilo carrots

salt/pepper

brown sugar

pitted prunes

 

A little red wine ( it can't hurt, have a sip or two while your

cooking it and you wont be able to taste the difference anyway) cook

carrots with S/P until slightly soft.

 

Drain most of liquid.

Add remaining ingredients and cook over small flame 10 minutes.

 

Better tzimmes recipe !!!

8 carrots cut

salt /pepper

water to cover

2T margarine

1T honey [substitute]

cinnamon (optional)

mix it all and boil till almost soft.

 

Some people make dumplings to go with it . Usually they cook them in

the water with the carrots. All you do is grate 2 potatoes and an

onion. Drain the water, add an egg and enough matzo meal to make a

vaguely thick consistency - remember it has to drop in.

 

OK I've stalled long enough now for Matza Balls.

 

First decide are you going to use whole matzos or ground matza. Whole

matza may be a bit easier but it can be quite lumpy and have the

consistency of hardened contact glue. So whatever you decide good

luck, you'll need it.

 

The " even I can make it " Matza Ball recipe

1t marg

1 egg sibstitute

pinch baking powder

salt/pepper and/or soup base

 

Mix with a fork or your fingers if no one is looking.

Slowly add matza meal until thick but not like cement.

Chill it for an hour or two.

 

Wet your hands and then drop into boiling water or chicken soup until

" behold it has risen " . If it doesn't or falls apart start again.

Enjoy (who am I kidding?)

 

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