Help - how do I tell people that I'm coming back to the fold?

[Guest guest]

Hi,

 

I dont normally post on here, but read your email and just wanted to say

that I really felt for you when I read this email.

 

At the end of the day no one is perfect. Nope contrary to the belief I have

never meet a perfect vegan lol.

 

I have been very luck that all the years I have been vegan I have been

surrounded by many vegan friends, but at the end of the day with or without

someone elses help you can only do your best.

 

This may sound rude and I hope it does not come out that way but at the end

of the day it is no one else's business.

 

Just try, and what will be will be. May be if you were more relaxed towards

yourself, eg you sound hard on yourself, you may find it easier.

 

Nothing worse than worrying especially about other people when we are trying

to do something that means a lot to us.

 

I personally would just make small changes each day, be proud of yourself

for each accomplishment, and do not concentrate on any fall backs you have,

as that's all they are. If you make a mistake or your struggling it doesn't

mean you've failed, just keep trying and learn from mistakes, as I mentioned

no one is perfect.

 

 

Anyway, I hope you have faith in your self and do what you feel is right for

you.

 

All the best

 

 

On Wed, Dec 23, 2009 at 5:04 PM, gayalondiel99

<gayalondielwrote:

 

>

>

> I'm a long-time not posting member, as I gave up being vegan for the second

> time and never got round to leaving the group. I gave up partly through

> pressure from my family to go back to being vegetarian and partly through my

> own lack of willpower. But it just... well, it just feels wrong, and here,

> just under a year later, I find myself longing to be vegan again.

>

> My problem is how do I tell my family? My husband is on board, albeit

> worried, and has agreed that there should be a trial period in which I am

> vegan at home but not generally vegan to the wider world, so I can prove to

> him that I can manage and will be able to take care of myself in terms of

> nutrition. My parents, on the other hand, are unlikely to be so tolerant. I

> don't know how to tell them... it's mad, because they are vegetarians

> because of the impact of meat consumption on the world's resources. I am

> just taking their beliefs to the logical conclusion. I think though that

> there is a belief that my depression is impacted on by being vegan - also

> mad, as I've been near my lowest ebb this last year when I was back on the

> dairy. I just don't know how to approach telling them.

>

> My friends too. This will be the third time that I have tried being vegan,

> which is why I'm going to do it on the quiet first. I need to prove to

> myself and to my husband that I can do it. But I know that everyone will be

> waiting for me to fail again, and that's going to be a hard thing to live

> with. It's my own fault, but it will be hard and I don't know how to

> approach telling people that I'm trying again. Any advice would be welcome.

>

>

>

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi James

 

I guess for me the hardest thing about being vegan is other people - my

husband isn't vegan and my family and friends all tend to disapprove, which

I find difficult to tolerate because of my own personality quirks. There

was some debate last time about whether I was being healthy or not and

several of my health problems got blamed on being vegan, and in the end I

gave up to peer pressure.

 

In terms of other things, I think I had difficulty giving up things like

cheese - so much a staple of my vegetarian diet, and I do love it. I had

tried a number of alternatives but didn't find anything that was really the

same. At least being vegetarian at the moment I don't have to give up

meat! I guess my biggest problem was learning how to be vegan in a world of

non-vegans.

 

Cheers

Maddy

 

 

2009/12/24 james @ telestial <james

 

 

>

> Hiya,

>

> What is it that your parents need to be tolerant about?

>

> As regards to what friends/people think about you giving it another go, it

> (personally) wouldn't enter my head. You're doing it for yourself, not for

> them. And it's better to give it a third go (whether you succeed or not)

> than to just give up.

>

> What part of being vegan do you find so hard? If you say, hopefully

> there'll be a few suggestions on here to get you better prepared this time.

>

> Cheers,

> James

>

>

> -

> gayalondiel99

> <%40>

> Wednesday, December 23, 2009 5:04 PM

> Help - how do I tell people that I'm coming back to the

> fold?

>

> I'm a long-time not posting member, as I gave up being vegan for the second

> time and never got round to leaving the group. I gave up partly through

> pressure from my family to go back to being vegetarian and partly through my

> own lack of willpower. But it just... well, it just feels wrong, and here,

> just under a year later, I find myself longing to be vegan again.

>

> My problem is how do I tell my family? My husband is on board, albeit

> worried, and has agreed that there should be a trial period in which I am

> vegan at home but not generally vegan to the wider world, so I can prove to

> him that I can manage and will be able to take care of myself in terms of

> nutrition. My parents, on the other hand, are unlikely to be so tolerant. I

> don't know how to tell them... it's mad, because they are vegetarians

> because of the impact of meat consumption on the world's resources. I am

> just taking their beliefs to the logical conclusion. I think though that

> there is a belief that my depression is impacted on by being vegan - also

> mad, as I've been near my lowest ebb this last year when I was back on the

> dairy. I just don't know how to approach telling them.

>

> My friends too. This will be the third time that I have tried being vegan,

> which is why I'm going to do it on the quiet first. I need to prove to

> myself and to my husband that I can do it. But I know that everyone will be

> waiting for me to fail again, and that's going to be a hard thing to live

> with. It's my own fault, but it will be hard and I don't know how to

> approach telling people that I'm trying again. Any advice would be welcome.

>

> -------------------------

>

>

> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

> Version: 9.0.722 / Virus Database: 270.14.117/2583 - Release 12/23/09

> 08:28:00

>

>

[Guest guest]

I know it's hard, but you have to be your own person - if friends etc are trying

to pressure you, what kind of friends are they really? If it's just casual

acquaintances, then why should you give a damn about what they think? Either

way, it's your life and you have to be true to yourself. Ask your friends, would

they be so unsupportive if you were trying to give up smoking, or chocolate or

something?

 

 

The fact that you've tried and failed in the past can make it harder, as they'll

naturally assume you will fail this time - but don't let that become a

self-fulfilling prophecy! Acknowledge that you've failed in the past, but even

past failures can be seen as a partial success - you know it is possible for you

to be vegan, and you know it is a long-standing conviction. You succeeded in

being vegan: you failed to sustain it. Never mind. Try again. If you fail to

sustain it again and you still want to be vegan, then get right back on the

horse (figuratively speaking!). A life of see-sawing back and forth between

vegetarian and vegan is still better than being vegetarian and never trying to

be vegan: you'll consume less animal products, at least! And look at all the

people who try to give up smoking - many take several tries of quitting and

starting again before they give up, and some never manage it. Does that mean

they shouldn't try in the first place?!

 

 

You have probably already heard this, but arm yourself with facts about

nutrition. It's funny, but the people who express concern about the diet of a

vegan are often the ones whose own diet is less-than-healthy! Don't let them

annoy you with endless questions about where you get your protein: that just

proves they don't have a clue what they're talking about. If they ask you where

you obtain your vitamin B12 I'd be inclined to give them a little more respect,

as that can be a valid concern, rather than parrotting the tired old myths.

Either way, they should be worrying about their own health rather than

criticising yours.

 

 

It's good your husband is tentatively supportive, since you have to live with

him. Why are you worried about breaking the news to your parents? You're an

adult (I assume, since you're married!). What you eat is your choice, and you

don't need their approval. Yes it would be great if they were supportive too,

but if they're not then you shouldn't let it worry you. I know it's easier said

than done, but let's face it, there's no other solution. You can't let them

dictate what you eat as if you were a teenager, nor can you let them dictate

your beliefs. They're bound to come round eventually, especially as they're

vegetarians themselves. It's quite possible that part of their intolerance (what

a word to use!) is due to nigglng guilt that they aren't vegan themselves, and

the feeling that if you go vegan it'll somehow be showing them up as not doing

enough. If they feel that way, there's nothing you can do about it. Either

they'll go vegan themselves because they think it's the right thing to do, or

they won't.

 

 

The depression you mentioned seems irrelevent to the vegan issue, since you've

said you've felt even more depressed when not vegan. In fact, I get the

impression that it's a long-term thing that you've suffered from since before

trying to become vegan. If it didn't get worse when you became vegan then

veganism can have no bearing on it. If it got worse when you stopped being

vegan, it could be because not being vegan " just feels wrong " . Either way, don't

let people use it to twist your arm. Explain to them how you feel, and why you

don't think veganism has anything to do with your depression (and why you don't

think your depression is anything to do with them!). The very fact that you're

depressed means that you're vulnerable, and your friends shouldn't try to use

that to their advantage.

 

 

Being vegan quietly at first could be the way to go. If you're worried about

telling friends and family, then don't. If you're not eating with them you don't

have to say anything. If you are, tell them you're cutting down on certain

things. Say it's for health reasons - there's plenty of health issues associated

with dairy products! Or they might not even notice - there's plenty of things

you can eat that don't immediately scream " vegan! " . Jacket potato and baked

beans, maybe. Or pasta with a tomato-based sauce. A sandwich with hummous and

salad. Tins of vegetable soup. It doesn't need to be a big production. You can

tell them if and when you feel comfortable, when you've been vegan for a while

and they can't say " You won't last a week! " . Or alternatively, if you stop being

vegan after a while and you haven't told anyone, then no one but you (and your

husband) need know. If you're only going to be vegan at home at first, then you

may find it easier - get the confidence to be vegan, then take that confidence

out of the house and eat vegan food whenever and wherever you want. When you do

tell your friends, don't make a big thing of it and don't make it seem like a

huge change. Hopefully that way they won't make a big thing of it either.

 

 

Wow, I've practically written an essay! I hope some of this helps. Good Luck.

 

 

 

, " gayalondiel99 " <gayalondiel wrote:

>

> I'm a long-time not posting member, as I gave up being vegan for the second

time and never got round to leaving the group. I gave up partly through

pressure from my family to go back to being vegetarian and partly through my own

lack of willpower. But it just... well, it just feels wrong, and here, just

under a year later, I find myself longing to be vegan again.

>

> My problem is how do I tell my family? My husband is on board, albeit worried,

and has agreed that there should be a trial period in which I am vegan at home

but not generally vegan to the wider world, so I can prove to him that I can

manage and will be able to take care of myself in terms of nutrition. My

parents, on the other hand, are unlikely to be so tolerant. I don't know how to

tell them... it's mad, because they are vegetarians because of the impact of

meat consumption on the world's resources. I am just taking their beliefs to

the logical conclusion. I think though that there is a belief that my

depression is impacted on by being vegan - also mad, as I've been near my lowest

ebb this last year when I was back on the dairy. I just don't know how to

approach telling them.

>

> My friends too. This will be the third time that I have tried being vegan,

which is why I'm going to do it on the quiet first. I need to prove to myself

and to my husband that I can do it. But I know that everyone will be waiting

for me to fail again, and that's going to be a hard thing to live with. It's my

own fault, but it will be hard and I don't know how to approach telling people

that I'm trying again. Any advice would be welcome.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your thoughts on this. I worry about telling my family because

they were instrumental in me giving it up last time, and my illness dictates

that I am quite reliant on my parents, who live close and are in something

of a caring role when my husband is away (he's in the Navy and is away a

lot). All that said, you're right and I should just stand on my own two

feet and do it, and to hell with people telling me I can't and I'll fail.

 

Thank you for all your advice. It's really good to know that there are

supportive people out there to balance out friends and family who don't

really understand what I'm doing and why.

 

Cheers

Maddy

 

 

2009/12/26 Cat <gothcatz

 

>

>

> I know it's hard, but you have to be your own person - if friends etc are

> trying to pressure you, what kind of friends are they really? If it's just

> casual acquaintances, then why should you give a damn about what they think?

> Either way, it's your life and you have to be true to yourself. Ask your

> friends, would they be so unsupportive if you were trying to give up

> smoking, or chocolate or something?

>

> The fact that you've tried and failed in the past can make it harder, as

> they'll naturally assume you will fail this time - but don't let that become

> a self-fulfilling prophecy! Acknowledge that you've failed in the past, but

> even past failures can be seen as a partial success - you know it is

> possible for you to be vegan, and you know it is a long-standing conviction.

> You succeeded in being vegan: you failed to sustain it. Never mind. Try

> again. If you fail to sustain it again and you still want to be vegan, then

> get right back on the horse (figuratively speaking!). A life of see-sawing

> back and forth between vegetarian and vegan is still better than being

> vegetarian and never trying to be vegan: you'll consume less animal

> products, at least! And look at all the people who try to give up smoking -

> many take several tries of quitting and starting again before they give up,

> and some never manage it. Does that mean they shouldn't try in the first

> place?!

>

> You have probably already heard this, but arm yourself with facts about

> nutrition. It's funny, but the people who express concern about the diet of

> a vegan are often the ones whose own diet is less-than-healthy! Don't let

> them annoy you with endless questions about where you get your protein: that

> just proves they don't have a clue what they're talking about. If they ask

> you where you obtain your vitamin B12 I'd be inclined to give them a little

> more respect, as that can be a valid concern, rather than parrotting the

> tired old myths. Either way, they should be worrying about their own health

> rather than criticising yours.

>

> It's good your husband is tentatively supportive, since you have to live

> with him. Why are you worried about breaking the news to your parents?

> You're an adult (I assume, since you're married!). What you eat is your

> choice, and you don't need their approval. Yes it would be great if they

> were supportive too, but if they're not then you shouldn't let it worry you.

> I know it's easier said than done, but let's face it, there's no other

> solution. You can't let them dictate what you eat as if you were a teenager,

> nor can you let them dictate your beliefs. They're bound to come round

> eventually, especially as they're vegetarians themselves. It's quite

> possible that part of their intolerance (what a word to use!) is due to

> nigglng guilt that they aren't vegan themselves, and the feeling that if you

> go vegan it'll somehow be showing them up as not doing enough. If they feel

> that way, there's nothing you can do about it. Either they'll go vegan

> themselves because they think it's the r ight thing to do, or they won't.

>

> The depression you mentioned seems irrelevent to the vegan issue, since

> you've said you've felt even more depressed when not vegan. In fact, I get

> the impression that it's a long-term thing that you've suffered from since

> before trying to become vegan. If it didn't get worse when you became vegan

> then veganism can have no bearing on it. If it got worse when you stopped

> being vegan, it could be because not being vegan " just feels wrong " . Either

> way, don't let people use it to twist your arm. Explain to them how you

> feel, and why you don't think veganism has anything to do with your

> depression (and why you don't think your depression is anything to do with

> them!). The very fact that you're depressed means that you're vulnerable,

> and your friends shouldn't try to use that to their advantage.

>

> Being vegan quietly at first could be the way to go. If you're worried

> about telling friends and family, then don't. If you're not eating with them

> you don't have to say anything. If you are, tell them you're cutting down on

> certain things. Say it's for health reasons - there's plenty of health

> issues associated with dairy products! Or they might not even notice -

> there's plenty of things you can eat that don't immediately scream " vegan! " .

> Jacket potato and baked beans, maybe. Or pasta with a tomato-based sauce. A

> sandwich with hummous and salad. Tins of vegetable soup. It doesn't need to

> be a big production. You can tell them if and when you feel comfortable,

> when you've been vegan for a while and they can't say " You won't last a

> week! " . Or alternatively, if you stop being vegan after a while and you

> haven't told anyone, then no one but you (and your husband) need know. If

> you're only going to be vegan at home at first, then you may find it easier

> - get t he confidence to be vegan, then take that confidence out of the

> house and eat vegan food whenever and wherever you want. When you do tell

> your friends, don't make a big thing of it and don't make it seem like a

> huge change. Hopefully that way they won't make a big thing of it either.

>

> Wow, I've practically written an essay! I hope some of this helps. Good

> Luck.

>

>

> <%40>,

> " gayalondiel99 " <gayalondiel wrote:

> >

> > I'm a long-time not posting member, as I gave up being vegan for the

> second time and never got round to leaving the group. I gave up partly

> through pressure from my family to go back to being vegetarian and partly

> through my own lack of willpower. But it just... well, it just feels wrong,

> and here, just under a year later, I find myself longing to be vegan again.

> >

> > My problem is how do I tell my family? My husband is on board, albeit

> worried, and has agreed that there should be a trial period in which I am

> vegan at home but not generally vegan to the wider world, so I can prove to

> him that I can manage and will be able to take care of myself in terms of

> nutrition. My parents, on the other hand, are unlikely to be so tolerant. I

> don't know how to tell them... it's mad, because they are vegetarians

> because of the impact of meat consumption on the world's resources. I am

> just taking their beliefs to the logical conclusion. I think though that

> there is a belief that my depression is impacted on by being vegan - also

> mad, as I've been near my lowest ebb this last year when I was back on the

> dairy. I just don't know how to approach telling them.

> >

> > My friends too. This will be the third time that I have tried being

> vegan, which is why I'm going to do it on the quiet first. I need to prove

> to myself and to my husband that I can do it. But I know that everyone will

> be waiting for me to fail again, and that's going to be a hard thing to live

> with. It's my own fault, but it will be hard and I don't know how to

> approach telling people that I'm trying again. Any advice would be welcome.

>

>

>

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

hey as for your nutrition,

your body does not benefit much from anything that comes from cow's milk (you

lose the ability to properly breakdown milk as a child)

milk is meant for cow's not humans, these is enough fat in cow's milk to make a

little calf grow into a cow, also making cow's produce milk is torture constant

production of milk is abnormal (picture every human female constantly lactating)

all I'm saying is that there is loads of evidence to back this up (skinny Bitch

is a great place to start as it has a million references) Eggs are not much

better btw.

 

Just explain to your family and friends, back it up with the facts and there

will be nothing left to say.

 

Good Luck!

, " Cat " <gothcatz wrote:

>

> I know it's hard, but you have to be your own person - if friends etc are

trying to pressure you, what kind of friends are they really? If it's just

casual acquaintances, then why should you give a damn about what they think?

Either way, it's your life and you have to be true to yourself. Ask your

friends, would they be so unsupportive if you were trying to give up smoking, or

chocolate or something?

>

>

> The fact that you've tried and failed in the past can make it harder, as

they'll naturally assume you will fail this time - but don't let that become a

self-fulfilling prophecy! Acknowledge that you've failed in the past, but even

past failures can be seen as a partial success - you know it is possible for you

to be vegan, and you know it is a long-standing conviction. You succeeded in

being vegan: you failed to sustain it. Never mind. Try again. If you fail to

sustain it again and you still want to be vegan, then get right back on the

horse (figuratively speaking!). A life of see-sawing back and forth between

vegetarian and vegan is still better than being vegetarian and never trying to

be vegan: you'll consume less animal products, at least! And look at all the

people who try to give up smoking - many take several tries of quitting and

starting again before they give up, and some never manage it. Does that mean

they shouldn't try in the first place?!

>

>

> You have probably already heard this, but arm yourself with facts about

nutrition. It's funny, but the people who express concern about the diet of a

vegan are often the ones whose own diet is less-than-healthy! Don't let them

annoy you with endless questions about where you get your protein: that just

proves they don't have a clue what they're talking about. If they ask you where

you obtain your vitamin B12 I'd be inclined to give them a little more respect,

as that can be a valid concern, rather than parrotting the tired old myths.

Either way, they should be worrying about their own health rather than

criticising yours.

>

>

> It's good your husband is tentatively supportive, since you have to live with

him. Why are you worried about breaking the news to your parents? You're an

adult (I assume, since you're married!). What you eat is your choice, and you

don't need their approval. Yes it would be great if they were supportive too,

but if they're not then you shouldn't let it worry you. I know it's easier said

than done, but let's face it, there's no other solution. You can't let them

dictate what you eat as if you were a teenager, nor can you let them dictate

your beliefs. They're bound to come round eventually, especially as they're

vegetarians themselves. It's quite possible that part of their intolerance (what

a word to use!) is due to nigglng guilt that they aren't vegan themselves, and

the feeling that if you go vegan it'll somehow be showing them up as not doing

enough. If they feel that way, there's nothing you can do about it. Either

they'll go vegan themselves because they think it's the right thing to do, or

they won't.

>

>

> The depression you mentioned seems irrelevent to the vegan issue, since you've

said you've felt even more depressed when not vegan. In fact, I get the

impression that it's a long-term thing that you've suffered from since before

trying to become vegan. If it didn't get worse when you became vegan then

veganism can have no bearing on it. If it got worse when you stopped being

vegan, it could be because not being vegan " just feels wrong " . Either way, don't

let people use it to twist your arm. Explain to them how you feel, and why you

don't think veganism has anything to do with your depression (and why you don't

think your depression is anything to do with them!). The very fact that you're

depressed means that you're vulnerable, and your friends shouldn't try to use

that to their advantage.

>

>

> Being vegan quietly at first could be the way to go. If you're worried about

telling friends and family, then don't. If you're not eating with them you don't

have to say anything. If you are, tell them you're cutting down on certain

things. Say it's for health reasons - there's plenty of health issues associated

with dairy products! Or they might not even notice - there's plenty of things

you can eat that don't immediately scream " vegan! " . Jacket potato and baked

beans, maybe. Or pasta with a tomato-based sauce. A sandwich with hummous and

salad. Tins of vegetable soup. It doesn't need to be a big production. You can

tell them if and when you feel comfortable, when you've been vegan for a while

and they can't say " You won't last a week! " . Or alternatively, if you stop being

vegan after a while and you haven't told anyone, then no one but you (and your

husband) need know. If you're only going to be vegan at home at first, then you

may find it easier - get the confidence to be vegan, then take that confidence

out of the house and eat vegan food whenever and wherever you want. When you do

tell your friends, don't make a big thing of it and don't make it seem like a

huge change. Hopefully that way they won't make a big thing of it either.

>

>

> Wow, I've practically written an essay! I hope some of this helps. Good Luck.

>

>

>

> , " gayalondiel99 " <gayalondiel@> wrote:

> >

> > I'm a long-time not posting member, as I gave up being vegan for the second

time and never got round to leaving the group. I gave up partly through

pressure from my family to go back to being vegetarian and partly through my own

lack of willpower. But it just... well, it just feels wrong, and here, just

under a year later, I find myself longing to be vegan again.

> >

> > My problem is how do I tell my family? My husband is on board, albeit

worried, and has agreed that there should be a trial period in which I am vegan

at home but not generally vegan to the wider world, so I can prove to him that I

can manage and will be able to take care of myself in terms of nutrition. My

parents, on the other hand, are unlikely to be so tolerant. I don't know how to

tell them... it's mad, because they are vegetarians because of the impact of

meat consumption on the world's resources. I am just taking their beliefs to

the logical conclusion. I think though that there is a belief that my

depression is impacted on by being vegan - also mad, as I've been near my lowest

ebb this last year when I was back on the dairy. I just don't know how to

approach telling them.

> >

> > My friends too. This will be the third time that I have tried being vegan,

which is why I'm going to do it on the quiet first. I need to prove to myself

and to my husband that I can do it. But I know that everyone will be waiting

for me to fail again, and that's going to be a hard thing to live with. It's my

own fault, but it will be hard and I don't know how to approach telling people

that I'm trying again. Any advice would be welcome.

>