oh bacchus my eyes are tearing..*giggles*

[Guest guest]

Things I MUST remember as a dog: 1. The garbage collector is not stealing our

stuff. 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under

the coffee table. 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the

sofa or under the bed. 4. I must shake the

rainwater out of my fur before entering the house. 5. I will not eat the

cats' food, before they eat it or after they

throw it up. 6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean

carpet in the house when I am about to get

sick. 7. I will not throw up in the car. 8. I will not roll on dead seagulls,

fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the

way they smell. 9. " Kitty box crunchies, " although they are tasty, are not

food. 10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or

napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing. 11. The

diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 12. I will

not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. 13. I will not chew crayons

or pens, especially not the red ones, or

my people will think I am hemorrhaging. 14. When in the car, I will not

insist on having the window rolled down when

it's raining outside. 15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each

time I hear one on TV. 16. I will not steal my

mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. 17. The sofa is not

a face towel. Neither are mom & dad's

laps. 18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 19. I will not bite

the officer's hand when he reaches in for

dad's driver's license and car registration. 20. I will not play tug-of-war

with dad's underwear when he's on the

toilet. 21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom

garbage to avoid having a string hanging out

of my butt. 22. I will not use " roll around in the dirt " as an option after

just getting a bath. 23. Sticking my nose

into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello. 24. I will

not hump on any person's leg just because I

thought it was the right thing to do. 25. I will not pass gas in my owners

face while sleeping on the pillow next to

their head. 26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt

across the carpet. 27. The toilet bowl is

not a never-ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it

doesn't mean it is cleaner. 28. I will not sit

in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over. 29.

Suddenly turning around and smelling my

butt can quickly clear a room. 30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I

play with him and he makes that noise, it's

usually not a good thing.