Love is freeware...

[Guest guest]

If I hadn't found this on the Abisti punk rock site I would have found it

the wrong side of tacky... as it is I quite like it...

 

http://www.abisti.demon.co.uk/index.htm

 

How To Install Love

 

Customer Service (CS) Rep. :

" Yes, Ma'am, how may I help you today? "

 

Customer:

" Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide

me through the process? "

 

CS Rep. :

" Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed? "

 

Customer:

" Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do

I do first? "

 

CS Rep. :

" The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am? "

 

Customer:

" Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it

okay to install while they are running? "

 

CS Rep. :

" What programs are running ma'am? "

 

Customer:

" Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and

RESENTMENT.COM running right now. "

 

CS Rep. :

" No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current

operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no

longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE

with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE.

 

However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM.

Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn

those off ma'am? "

 

Customer:

" I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how? "

 

CS Rep. :

" My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as

many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been

completely erased. "

 

Customer:

" Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that

normal? "

 

CS Rep. :

" Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life

of your HEART. Do you see that message? "

 

Customer:

" Yes I do. Is it completely installed? "

 

CS Rep. :

" Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin

connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades. "

 

Customer:

" Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do? "

 

CS Rep. :

" What does the message say? "

 

Customer:

" It says " ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS. What does that

mean? "

 

CS Rep. :

" Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program

is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on

your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in

nontechnical terms it means you have to " LOVE " your own machine before it

can " LOVE " others. "

 

Customer:

" So what should I do? "

 

CS Rep. :

" Can you pull down the directory called " SELFACCEPTANCE " ? "

 

Customer:

" Yes, I have it. "

 

CS Rep. :

" Excellent. You're getting good at this. "

 

Customer:

" Thank you. "

 

CS Rep. :

" You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the

" MYHEART " directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and

TOLERANCE.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin

patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete

VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle

bin afterwards to make sure it is completely and permanently

gone erased. "

 

Customer:

" Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on

my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are

copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal? "

 

CS Rep. :

" Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets

downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You

should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go. "

 

Customer:

" Yes? "

 

CS Rep. :

" LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody

you meet. They will share it with other people and then return some

similarly sacred modules back to you. "

 

Customer:

" I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name? "

 

CS Rep. :

" You may call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great

Physician, sometimes called God or Source. Many people feel all they need is

an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the Manufacturer suggests a

schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put

another way, keep in touch . . . "

 

Author Unknown