Guest guest Posted August 14, 2002 Report Share Posted August 14, 2002 that has to be about the most interesting thing i've read all week hahahahaha fraggle " bruno_von_lederhosen " <bruno_von_lederhosen wrote: >Hi happy vegan friends! )/ yeah! > >This is my first post! > >Nice to meet you. > >I'm a happy vegan named Bruno, >and I was recently bitten on my >nipple by a wasp. > >Two weeks ago, on Saturday, >I took the train to a far off, >beautiful outdoor hotsprings >up a winding path deep in the >mountains. > >It was wonderful. > >But since it's summer, they >had a sign up Beware of Wasps. > >It said the wasps bite. > >So I tiptoed on the green, mossy >stones, slowly sunk deep into >the warm hotsprings water and >opened my paperback book to >read. > >Then I heard a slight humming. > >It soon became the purr of a toy >Cesna and I looked down and saw >a wasp friend was preparing to land >on my ear. > >So I wacked it away. > >Not a meatatarian wack, but a >gentle vegan one. > >Next, I lowered my glance to the >water, and the wasp I had flung off >was on its back flapping the warm >water with both wings. > >It was trying to breathe, and its >tiny fluttering lashes pleaded with >me for life. I want to live too. > >My heart could hear the whisper >of its eyes Why...? Why...? > >So I quickly grabbed a nearby >bamboo sun hat, scooped the >friend out of the water and >tapped it onto a nearby stone. > >It made two or three splashes >in a small puddle of water, and >then flew straight up towards >the heavens. > >I felt so proud. > >I felt something sacred. > >I was happy. > >That day when I got home >I counted twenty-two wasp >bites on my body. > >That was two weeks ago. > >I made so many wasp friends! > >Then last Saturday I went again. > >This time I put anti-wasp gell all >over my body and even on my hair. > >I layed again in the warm water >against a big rock and watched >the green leaves flutter against >the high blue sky. > >It was so peaceful. > >Then I heard two men say > " There's a wasp in the water. " > >I heard splashing sounds. > >I looked and they were bobbing >a wasp up and down with something >in their hand, trying to delete its >name from the Book of Life. > >I'm shy, so it's hard for me to >interrupt complete strangers and >say " Excuse me servant of Satan. >Could you cease to sin before >God and man before I beachslap >you? " > >But I had to. > >So I rushed between the two >human handmaidens of Beelzebub >and up to the wasp friend and said > " I can't stand to watch this " and >scooped the friend up with my sun >hat like before. > >I shook it up toward the heavens >and hummed the first few >verses of Born Free through my >nose. > >But as I sang I felt a twingle on >the knuckle of my left index finger. > >It was the finger of my hand that >held the bamboo cap. > >I looked down and blood was >oozing from a fold below my >knuckle. > >And a wasp was perched on the >knuckle part and was moving >its tongue to and fro to stir wasp >excrement into my knuckle blood. > >I shouted out a term for copulation, >and instinctively vegan-wacked it high >into the firmament. > >But then, still in shock, I felt >another tinkle and looked further >up and -- you may not believe this, >but it's true -- the wasp's friend >was perched on my left nipple, and >had its lower jaw open wide, like the >Visitors just after they returned to >mother ship and prepared to snack >on mouse, and it was tilting its glance >ever so slightly up towards me. > >Time froze. > >There was only me and the wasp, >Ich and Du. > >And the flutter of its tiny eyelashes >towards me above its poised mouth. > >It gave me a loving sideglance, >and our hearts were one. > >Then time started again, and >I heard myself proclaim a synonym >for number two since I had already >screamed the one for relations >a few moments ago. > >My hand moved, and the wasp, >still living of course, shot up to >the clouds to join her friend >of a few moments earlier. > >On the way back on the train >I felt my left chest hurt. > >It still tingles a little now as >I write. > >Then it struck me. > >I'm a saint. > >Mother Theresa helped thousands >of humans and was bathed in the >love. > >I extended a hand of caring to the >forgotten, and was bitten on the >nipple by a wasp. > >She bathed in love. > >I bathe in ooze. > >So I told this to my friends, making >comparisons when appropriate of >myself to Mother Theresa. > >They told me that I'm lazy, >self-centered and am only vegan >to agrandize myself and brag about >stories like the one I'm telling you >now. > >So I have scars, a tingling nipple, >and now I've been humiliated too. > >When there's a vegan pope I will >be canonized. > >There will be justice in the world. > >The gentle will be rewarded. > >My left nipple will hang from the >rear view mirrors of the faithful, >with a golden wasp perched on it. > >I will be called Mother Bruno, and >will give hope to all. > >Or perhaps Bruno Claus. > >History will fill in the details. > >I'm worth something too. > >I participated in giving the >greatest gift of all! > >I got bit and humiliated. > >But who cares! > >My reward was seeing the happy >wasp flying towards the clouds. > >That's enough. > >I'm glad I was born. > >I'm so thankful I could share in >that. > >I'm happy! > >The day of the early vegans >will come. > >We will be saints. > >We will bless all and wipe >away the tears of the sad. > >We're surrounded by killing >and hurt. > >The face of McDeath stands >proudly on cement. > >Our self esteem should be >infinite. > >We've done enough to feel >happy about ourselves. > >We should be proud.. > >It's nothing to be ashamed of. > >It's true. > >And I'm happy. > >------------------ >bruno_von_lederhosen > >I posted about my wasp friends >first here... http://www.veganboard.com/ ) smile > > > > >To to the Digest Mode [ recommended ], send an email to: vegan-network-digest > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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