The Vegan--about a fat eat meater who meets a vegan at the buffet

[Guest guest]

The Vegan

 

I'm locked inside a tiny cell

for reasons most unfair

I've quite a story here to tell

sit back and let me share.

 

One time I went to a buffet

to eat a lot of food

I saw a man with hair turned gray

not in a cheery mood

 

Pig and cow and fish and bird

I piled upon my plate

The man gave me the evil eye

I thought I read some hate

 

He looked some fifty five in years

his eyes were piercing gray

I could not understand his sneers

each time he looked my way

 

" The pig is very good, " I said

" Its something you should try. "

He looked at me with utmost dread

I could not think of why

 

" I never eat disgusting pork,

Thinks you I am a loon?

No meat has ever touched my fork

Nor been upon my spoon. "

 

I was aghast at what he said

it sounded full of scorn

I looked to see on what he fed,

his plate was full of corn

 

" You are a strange one, yes indeed

with what you choose to eat.

You mean the food on which you feed

has not an ounce of meat? "

 

" Sometimes in salad there's a bug

On which I have to chew

And I must eat it with a shrug,

What else is there to do?

 

But you're a nasty carnivore

My young bloodthirsty friend

The death of critters I abhor

Their murders just won't end

 

I see your life will not be long

By what's upon your dish

Your health you cannot much prolong

With steak, pork, foul, and fish! "

 

" You mean I'll live a long, long time

eating rabbit food like you? "

" Quite true young man, you see that I'm

One hundred fifty-two. "

 

I hid my shock at what he said

I'm sure it was no lie

If decades would not make him dead

I knew I'd make him die

 

I grinned and said in tones untrue

" You do not quite appear

much older than one hundred-two

not by a single year. "

 

The old man smiled back at me,

I knew he couldn't live

I own a chicken factory

and had a good motive

 

To cause his death and make him rot,

but then I looked around

I wished to kill him on the spot

but witnesses abound

 

" Meat is wicked, " he'd go and tell

to everyone he could

And then my chicken wouldn't sell

and that just isn't good

 

With practiced grace and mustered charm

I looked into his eyes

And asked him to come see my farm,

its greatness to surmise

 

" You simply cannot judge all meat

and say that its all bad

so if you come down to my street

I'd sure be awful glad.

 

You see I own some chickens there

who live a grand old life

I pay each chicken special care

before it meets my knife. "

 

" You don't understand my meaning

Of why it isn't good

You see killing is demeaning

Earth's creature's are not food! "

 

" Look sir, I've got a knife on you,

be silent and be still

Do whatever I tell you to

or I will have to kill "

 

The man looked up at me in shock,

I showed no kidding smile

I wanted him to meet my flock

and stand a slander trial

 

I knew I'd be the one to take

his great old age away

It was my hopeful plan to make

this vegetarian pay

 

We headed to my factory

and there I sat on him

In vain he struggled to be free

I cut each flailing limb

 

" Why are you doing this you brute? "

He cried with pain-filled tears

" You are an old and crazy coot

who's lived too many years.

 

I do not want to wind up broke

and end up in the street

When people learn that they can croak

from eating tasty meat.

 

So I will shut you up for good

and chop you very small

Then all my pretty chickens would

have a yummy free for all.

 

These birds you may refuse to eat,

but they will relish you

They love the sight of fresh warm meat,

with blood it makes a stew. "

 

With that I cut his scrawny neck

his head rolled on the ground

The birds began to cluck and peck

and feathers flew around

 

In little time they ate him down

and I was very glad .

But the old man had friends in town

who'd seen him at my pad

 

Police went to my chicken coop

and found his DNA

when they examined chicken poop

that's why I'm here today.

 

 

From Anthony Wright's Dark Poems page:

 

http://www.geocities.com/darkpoems2000