This vegan's wedding pointers

[Guest guest]

Weddings are all about love, compassion, and commitment. Such sentiment should

extend not only to the people, but to the entire event. In my planning process,

I find the wedding process to be marked with extravagence, consumerism, and

consumption as well as the aforementioned values. Reconciling the extravagent

materialism with being eco-friendly and sticking with the core values is already

proving difficult. For example, do I truly need little droplets of crystal

hanging from my flowers? What does this extra drop of " bling " (a word, by the

way, that I never want to hear again after it being mentioned 35 times in a " We "

channel wedding special) indicate about me, anyway?

Vegans are in a unique situation for weddings because no one really knows what

to expect from them. Come on, it's true: we're usually those people who pipe up

with an interesting quip about cattle and global warming, or where to find the

best orange grove in the hood. We're just a little different, and that's

AWESOME. Vegans are already labeled a little `off;' As such, not too many people

will be surprised when your wedding is a little unconventional, too. Chances

are, your guests will warmly embrace something different, just as they are

warmly embracing the union of you and your spouse.

When planning a wedding, I remind myself of a few things I've learned along the

way that I hope serve as tips for vegan (or any other) brides-to-be:

1) Wedding specials are fun to watch… unless they make you feel inadequate.

Trust me, a gorgeous wedding does not require a huge budget. Just because a

football player's wife gets to decorate her tables with thousand-dollar

centerpieces does not mean your event won't look gorgeous using (free!) Arizona

desert wildflowers adorned along the highway. If one-too-many wedding specials

or `real weddings' from the knot.com are making you feel inadequate about your

own wedding, pull the plug.

2) Weddings are not a contest. Vegans in particular already go against the grain

with our dietary ways, so I like to think our offbeat group can handle a bit of

unconventionalism. So, just because your best friend had the fanciest, finest

invitations doesn't mean that your own `save the date' cards must be a replica.

In fact, the most unique weddings I've seen are ones that have handmade

ingenuity and creativity. If you've wowed people with how good vegan ice cream

can taste, you can wow `em with adorable handmade invitations, too.

3) Do not judge the outcome of your wedding by your budget. Whether you hire a

DJ or hook up an iPod for a fraction of the cost will not determine your

wedding's success or enjoyment. Similarly, your wedding will not be perceived as

any better or worse if you buy a fancy white prom dress as opposed to an Oscar

de la Renta wedding gown. Only you will ever know how much was paid and where

you got it.

4) Eco-friendly and tacky are far from synonyms. Some of the cutest wedding

favors come in the form of bird seed, potted plants, donations to charity, and

other heartfelt gestures. Do people really need more plastic picture frames?

Nah.

5) Only use things you will truly use post-wedding. What does this mean,

exactly? Well, I don't know a single married couple who still has their cake

topper. I've never seen it in a single china cabinet, pantry, bookshelf, etc.

And yet, the things cost around $50 and who knows how much in resources. The

same thing is true with a fancy cake cutter. Just use a regular knife with a

fancy ribbon around it or something. Why bother purchasing it uneccessarily?

Likewise, why bother with disposable serving equipment? Unless you have to work

with a rental company, try " borrowing, begging or stealing " (to use common

wedding terms) other people's plates, cups, etc. The compilation could create a

really unique, interesting look… and the garbage cans might remain a little less

full at the end of the night.

6) Have your wedding be a reflection of you and your new spouse. This goes back

to the catering issue mentioned in yesterday's article—if meat is not a

reflection of you, then don't feel bad if it's not served at your wedding

(thanks for that piece of advice, y'all). If you never wear the colors copper

and teal, then don't use them as your wedding colors. If you've never been to

Asia and don't speak any of those languages, don't wear a kimono or have a tea

ceremony just to be different. If, however, you are a die-hard 1940s movie-buff,

then it wouldn't be a bad thing to show a 1940's classic on a projector as a

backround decoration. The same is true for music: try not to let an expensive DJ

determine what he or she thinks you and your guests will like. Make your day as

individual as possible, keeping the concern of " what will my new in-laws think? "

as a far-distant of a thought as possible. Which leads to…

7) Don't let any predeterminations of other people's opinions interfere with

planning your day. Guess what? We took the jump off the conventional boat when

we stopped eating lactose, whey and royal jelly. Trying to please others has

been something we've politely declined ever since we told our grandmother that

her to-die-for biscuits and gravy we're no longer going to eat it. Extending

this logic to wedding planning, remember the old adage: if you try to please

everyone, you end up pleasing no one. Especially you. Yes, work with your

partner with the planning process, but don't bother working with Cousin Jim who

will think you're just being stingy by nixing the beef carving station. While

making a good impression on your family and friends is nice, it's so much more

refreshing giving them a different window into your life than it is giving them

another cookie-cutter wedding that gives a prime rib meal and another boring

ornate rose centerpiece.

8) No one will notice the little things that go wrong throughout the day. Relax

if the caterer doesn't show up on time. Chill if your photographer needs to run

to the car for an extra roll of film. If you stumble on your vows a bit, just

keep going. If we can adapt to making a meal out of side dishes at every other

affair, have as much patience and creativity with all of your own wedding

snafus.

9) Remember the inherent definition of a wedding. It's a ceremony between two

people who love each other with those you love as witnesses. It's a toast, a

meal, some cake and maybe some music. That's about it. Nothing more, nothing

less. Don't get caught up on the ring man's pillow detail, the ribbon used on

your party favors, or what flower to put in your hair as you walk down the

aisle. Does it really matter? Will you even care a year from now? Or heck, even

the next day?

10) Do not get caught up in your head. I'm guilty of this 1,000% so far. This

wedding is not entirely about you. Weddings do not define you—let you be the one

defining the wedding. No one else really cares about the shade of purple on the

lilacs. Don't talk about it nonstop. Care about things other than yourself and

this one day. After all, the harder part is maintaining a marriage, not planning

one fun party. So, keep perspective.

 

 

I will fully admit this advice is as much for me as the readers. With weddings,

just have fun, relax, keep costs low (after all, chances are a hefty

down-payment on a home is the next big expenditure in line. Its importance

trumps a one-day affair), and stick to your own personality and individuality as

the best guidance. Should anyone else have any advice on planning the big day,

this vegan is all ears!

 

Author: Catherine Capozzi

http://www.examiner.com/x-4348-Phoenix-Vegan-Examiner~y2009m7d22-This-vegans-wed\

ding-pointers