My Top 10!

October 23, 1999

Here's a little jocular piece I wrote for another website...If you're American the unfamiliar names will be the European soccer personalities. It's just my opinion, but I certainly won't retract any of it.

ANIMAL KILLING CELEBS Top 10 (not in any particular order)

JACK CHARLTON - Sucked up to by media creeps as a lovable eccentric. As an England World Cup winner killing animals for enjoyment is OK.

LIZ HURLEY - Beautiful Liz loves to shoot a pheasant or two.

VINNIE JONES - Former 'hard man' footballer. Happily confesses to shooting foxes and magpies, which he describes as 'vermin'. Now reprises the 'hard man' role in risible, macho crap movies. Another media favourite, which tells us everything about modern society.

KURT RUSSELL - Probably the main man. Imports animals in especially for him and his friends to kill.

ERIC CANTONA - The 'poetic' Frenchman proves it's all a pretence by shooting rabbits.

JERRY HALL - Hard-faced Texan likes to go fox hunting.

ROBERTO BAGGIO - The divine ponytail is a spiritual man - a Buddhist - who likes shooting little animals. Only saving grace is his claim that many animal lovers kill insects without a second thought.

JEREMY IRONS - Grizzled old actor who loves to go fox hunting, and has little time for environmentalists.

BILL CLINTON - No great surprise to see him in the list! Once seen on TV holding a duck he had shot. He joked: "It didn't move, so I shot it." A great example for the anti-gun lobby in the U.S...

THE ROYAL FAMILY - Too many animal killers to count here. Even the 'saintly' Princess Diana was known to praise her sons when they had 'bagged' some pheasants, and, it was claimed, she shot a stag early on in her marriage. Anyone connected with that family seems to end up tainted by their bloodlust.

- PAUL RANCE.

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