Guest guest Posted December 5, 2000 Report Share Posted December 5, 2000 Fwd........Fair warning, this has it's obscene George Carlin moments (and misspellings,) but it is so right-on that I chose to ignore those moments. :-) >From BrainDroppings, by George Carlin. Hyperion (Publisher), Comedy > > Concepts, Inc. copyright 1997. > > ISBN 0-7868-6313-7 $19.95 > > > At the start, let me say I'm not an animal rights activist. I'm not > > comfortable with absolutes. And I know > > that every time something eats, something else dies. I recognize the Earth > > is little more than a revolving > > buffet with weather. So, the idea of eating animals is fine with me, but is > > it really necessary to make > > things out of the parts we don't eat? We're the only species that does > > this. You never see a mongoose > > with snakeskin shoes. Or a lion walkin' around in a wilderbeest hat. And > > how often do you run into > > plankton that have phytoplankton luggage? > > > And I think people have a lot of nerve locking up a tiger and charging four > > dollars to let a few thousand > > worthless humans shuffle past him every day. What a shitty thing to do. > > Humans must easily be the > > meanest species on Earth. Probably the only reason there are any tigers > > left is because they don't taste > > good. > > > I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than > > I do for an injured or dead > > human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own > > undoing. Animals are > > completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings. > > > Here is an anecdote from the writer Patricia Highsmith: " Not so long ago I > > said to a friend of mine: 'if I > > saw a kitten and a little human baby sitting on the curb starving I would > > feed the kitten first if nobody was > > looking.' My friend said: 'I would feed the kitten first if somebody was > > looking.' " I would too Patricia. > > > Some people seem shocked and say, " You care more about animals than you do > > humans! " Fuckin'-A well > > told! > > > I do not torture animals, and I do not support the torture of animals, such > > as that which goes on at rodeos: > > cowardly men in big hats abusing simple beasts in a fruitless search for > > manhood. In fact, I regularly pray > > for serious, life-threatening rodeo injuries. I wish for a cowboy to walk > > crooked, and with great pain, for > > the rest of his life. I cheer when a bull at Pamplona sinks one of his > > horns deep into the lower intestines > > of some drunken European macho swine. And my cheers grow louder when a > > victim is a young > > American macho-jock tourist asshole. Especially if the bull is able to > > swing that second horn around and > > catch the guy right in the nuts. > > > But although I don't go out of my way to bother living things, I am not > > without personal standards. A > > mosquito on my arm, an ant or a cockroach in my kitchen, a moth aproaching > > my lapel; these animals > > will die. Other insects in my home, however, the ones who merely wish to > > rest awhile, will be left alone. > > Or, if noisy and rowdy, lifted gently and returned to the great outdoors. > > > I am also perfectly willing to share the room with a fly, as long as it's > > patrooling that portion of the room > > that I don't occupy. But if he starts that smart-ass fly shit, buzzing my > > head and repeatedly landing on my > > arm, he is engaging in high-risk behavior. That's when I roll-up the sports > > section and becomeBwana, the > > great white fly hunter! > > > Sometimes there is an older fly in the room, one who flies slowly and can't > > travel too far in one hop-or it > > might be a female, heavy with eggs. In this case, even if the fly is > > bothering me, I don't kill it; Instead, I > > adopt it a short-termed pet. I might even give it a name. Probably > > something based on mythology. > > > Generally, I like flies, but they'd be far more welcome if they would make a > > choice---and stick to > > it---between my been burrito and that nice, hot, steaming dog turd out in > > the front lawn. > > > Also, in keeping with my insect death policy based on the intentions of the > > insects, any bacterium or virus > > entering my body that does not wish me well will be slain. Normally, my > > immune system would > > accomplish this without notifying me, but if the old T-cells aren't up to > > the task. I am prepared to ingest > > huge amounts of antibiotics, even if they are bad for me. > > > And yet, in spiter of all these examples of creature mayhem, I will not > > strike a dog, I will not chase and > > taunt a bull around a ring, and I will not squeeze an animal's testicles > > just to give the yokels a better show. > > > I'm also uneasy about the sheer number of scientific experiments performed > > on animals. First of all, > > animals are not always good models for medical experimentation: Penicillin > > kills guinea pigs; an owl is > > not bothered by cyanide; monkeys can survive strychnine, etc., etc. > > Couldn't these scientific tests just as > > easily be performed on humans? Condemned prisoners, old people, the feeble, > > the terminally ill? I'm > > sure there are plenty of ignorant, desperate Americans who would be willing > > to volunteer in exchange for > > some small electrical appliance. > > > What makes me happy in the midst of all this is that ultimately animals get > > even. The major killers of > > humanity throughout recent history----smallpox, influenza, tuberculosis, > > malaria, bubonic plague, > > measels, cholera,and AIDS---are all infectious diseases of animals. I pray > > that mad cow disease will > > come to this country and compleetly wipe out the hamburger criminals. > > Eating meat is one thing, butthis > > whole beef-rancher-manure-cattle-hamburger side show is a different skillet > > of shit altogether. > > > Each year, Americans eat 38 billion hamburgers. It takes 2,500 gallons of > > water to produce one pound of > > red meat. Cattle consume one half of all the fresh water consumed on Earth. > > The sixty million people > > who will starve this year could be adequately fed if Americans reduced their > > meat intake to just 10 > > percent. But if I were one of those sixty million people, I wouldn't be > > reachin' for the salt and pepper too > > quickly. It ain't gonna happen. > > > Ranchers raise pathetic, worthless cattle and sheep, animals who cannot > > live off the land without human > > supervision, and the same ranchers kill wolves, magnificent, individualistic > > animals fully capiable of > > caring for themselves without assistance. Individualism gives way to sheep > > behavior. Sound familiar? > > > I root for a wolf to someday grab a ranchers kid. Yes i do. And you know > > something? The wolf would > > probably take the kid home and raise him, in the manner of Romulus and > > Remus; and probably do a better > > job than the rancher. Remember, wolves mate for life, and they care for > > their sick and infirm; they don't > > run off, or kill them, or abandon them. Give me a wolf over some fuckin' > > jerkoff rancher any day of the > > week. > > > One last item to demonstrate the depth of human perversity: Some zoos now > > sell surplus animals to > > private hunting ranches where rich white men hunt them down and kill for > > amusement. No wonder they > > call it the Descent of man. > > > >> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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