aspiring veg*n but feel held back by meat-eating friends

[Guest guest]

Hi folks

 

Over the last month or so, I've had a couple of people comment to me that they aspire to be vegetarian -or- they aspire to be vegan, but none of their friends are, and they feel that if they choose to be vegetarian or vegan, that they will isolate/alienate themselves from their friends/family.

 

Typically I get this comment doing outreach. When tabling, our interactions with people are typically brief just because of the volume of people coming by the table, but I would like to hear from others what has helped them. I asked a group at the Saturn Cafe dinner last week and one person responded that it was getting to meet more vegan people and realizing that she could have vegan friends that helped her stick with being vegan :-)

 

So, if you feel or felt this way, I would be interested to understand what helped you be successful in your aspirations to be vegetarian or vegan - was it meeting more veg*ns, specific books, etc.

 

Cheers,

Tammy

 

 

Map it Veg!

http://www.frappr.com/baveg

http://www.frappr.com/vegetarians

 

____

"This is my protest against the conduct of the world. To be a vegetarian is to disagree--to disagree with the course of things today. Starvation, world hunger, cruelty, waste, wars--we must make a statement against these things. Vegetarianism is my statement and I think it's a strong one." -- Isaac Bashevis Singer

[Guest guest]

My husband have been vegetarian for a little over a year (again, last time

we were veg for about 5 years), and just about a week and a half ago went

vegan. One of the reasons I like being veg, and especially vegan, is that I

feel like I cause less harm in the world, and help, therefore, make for a

more peaceful world. My husband and I agreed that we would be vegan, but

that we wouldn't force our way of life on others, or inconvenience people

who were inviting us into their homes for a meal (including and especially

our families). That means that we give fair warning when we're being hosted

somewhere, always offer to bring food or cook for ourselves, and that we're

willing to eat eggs or dairy if served it. While it is most certainly my

preference to be strictly vegan, " causing less harm " and making for a " more

peaceful world " includes making for peaceful relations with our families and

friends, too.

 

Of course the number one reason it's easiest for us to be vegan is that I

have lots of cookbooks, love to cook, LOVE soy products and whole foods, and

enjoy - and thrive on - being creative in the kitchen. Not to mention

places like Herbivore, BayLeaf Cafe, Golden Era, and access to other great

restaurants like that. I can't stress more highly that we should all

educate ourselves nutritionally, and listen to our bodies about what diet

makes us feel lightest.

 

Good luck to all, my 2 cents, JOY

 

 

> " Tammy, Bay Area Veg " <t

> " BAV mail list "

> " aspiring veg*n but feel held back by meat-eating

>friends "

>Wed, 9 Aug 2006 21:24:24 -0700

>

>Hi folks

>

>Over the last month or so, I've had a couple of people comment to me that

>they aspire to be vegetarian -or- they aspire to be vegan, but none of

>their

>friends are, and they feel that if they choose to be vegetarian or vegan,

>that they will isolate/alienate themselves from their friends/family.

>

>Typically I get this comment doing outreach. When tabling, our

>interactions

>with people are typically brief just because of the volume of people coming

>by the table, but I would like to hear from others what has helped them. I

>asked a group at the Saturn Cafe dinner last week and one person responded

>that it was getting to meet more vegan people and realizing that she could

>have vegan friends that helped her stick with being vegan :-)

>

>So, if you feel or felt this way, I would be interested to understand what

>helped you be successful in your aspirations to be vegetarian or vegan -

>was

>it meeting more veg*ns, specific books, etc.

>

>Cheers,

>Tammy

>

>Map it Veg!

>

> <http://www.frappr.com/baveg> http://www.frappr.com/baveg

>

>http://www.frappr.com/veg <blocked::http://www.frappr.com/vegetarians>

>etarians

>

>

>

>____

>

>

> " This is my protest against the conduct of the world. To be a vegetarian is

>to disagree--to disagree with the course of things today. Starvation, world

>hunger, cruelty, waste, wars--we must make a statement against these

>things.

>Vegetarianism is my statement and I think it's a strong one. "

>-- Isaac Bashevis Singer

>

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone --

 

It's rarely easy going against the majority, and eating is a such a social, cultural, and personal thing that taking a " minority " stance such as going veg/vegan is, I think, even more difficult than many other kinds of life choices. But therein lies the power of the choice, because the effects can be so strong.

 

Going vegetarian and now, trying to be vegan, is one of the most significant and empowering things I have done in my life. I imagine that many of you feel similarly, and I think that sharing that feeling's power with those who ask questions as Tammy noted in her post (how can I do it? what will happen to me? etc.) might be helpful to them as they consider a veg lifestyle.

 

 

Going veg has made me less afraid to make an " unpopular " (or ill-understood, mocked, etc.) choice, has made me more focused on doing what I feel is right and less concerned with the will of the crowd and sacrificing myself to please others. It has given me the feeling that if I died tomorrow, I would have done something with my life that has meaning, I will have taken a stand that required small sacrifices and going against my upbringing and the customs of everyone I hold dear, aside from my also-veg fiance. And I will have done that not to spite my parents or my society, I will have done it because I felt I must, because it was right, because I could no longer walk the line of denial and hypocrisy that I think so many people do in order to continue eating meat and live an easier life of convenience and acceptance of the current societal norm.

 

 

I think there is also the more obvious and basic point -- what kind of a friend or family member would alienate anyone based on their eating choices, especially if that person does not go out of their way to alienate that friend etc. because of what they choose to eat? How valuable is their friendship or role in your life, if they could be so shallow or even cruel? No one has the right to do that, and perhaps fear of losing friends or social circles over eating choices belies a deeper issue involving those relationships. Sometimes those recovering from addictions have to let old friends go who continue to engage in destructive behaviors and/or refuse to support those who desire positive change -- perhaps many of us have struggled with people whose negativity threatened to overwhelm a relationship -- but should their negativity result in our limiting ourselves and our own potential to, as the saying goes, light a candle rather than merely curse the darkness?

 

 

I can relate to the woman who found support in meeting other vegans; one of the reasons we recently moved here from Boston was this city and state's more veg-friendly climate (as well as better climate, period!). Not feeling alone is crucial for all of us, regardless of what brings us together, so mentioning the many online and real-world resources for veggies would probably also be helpful for the questioning -- the sense of a community, even if virtual, has certainly helped me.

 

 

Karen

 

 

 

> " Tammy, Bay Area Veg " <t> " BAV mail list " <

>> " aspiring veg*n but feel held back by meat-eating >friends " >Wed, 9 Aug 2006 21:24:24 -0700>>Hi folks>>Over the last month or so, I've had a couple of people comment to me that>they aspire to be vegetarian -or- they aspire to be vegan, but none of >their>friends are, and they feel that if they choose to be vegetarian or vegan,>that they will isolate/alienate themselves from their friends/family.>>Typically I get this comment doing outreach. When tabling, our >interactions>with people are typically brief just because of the volume of people coming>by the table, but I would like to hear from others what has helped them. I>asked a group at the Saturn Cafe dinner last week and one person responded

>that it was getting to meet more vegan people and realizing that she could>have vegan friends that helped her stick with being vegan :-)>>So, if you feel or felt this way, I would be interested to understand what

>helped you be successful in your aspirations to be vegetarian or vegan - >was>it meeting more veg*ns, specific books, etc.>>Cheers,>Tammy

[Guest guest]

When I first went vegetarian in my early 20s, I didn't know any vegetarians. My friends were not hostile to it nor interested either but when we went out to eat we went to places where I could eat. I was able to stay vegetarian (this was before I knew about the animal cruelty or any other issue) due to feeling repulsed at the thought of eating animal flesh. I never read veg*n books and read Vegetarian Times for a while but didn't know about veg groups or anything.

 

In 1988 I read Diet For A New America and spent the next 6 1/2 years becoming vegan. When I started I didn't know any vegans.

 

When helped me stay vegan: reading books & publications voraciously. Mostly ar ones. And then sometimes attending vegan promoting events & an American Vegan Society convention and seeing hundreds of mostly vegans was helpful. Nothing could get me to change now, even though most of my friends are omnivores. But one of the biggest supports I have now is Veg News which I read cover to cover. And your BAVeg events are terrific too. I'm luckier than most though as I have no family so no family pressures, and my friends are basically supportive, even the ones who don't care about animal suffering or veganism at all.

 

I'd say the key is once someone feels strongly about something, it doesn't matter so much what other people think!!!

 

Take care. Lisa

 

In a message dated 8/9/06 9:30:56 PM, t writes:

 

 

 

Hi folks

 

Over the last month or so, I've had a couple of people comment to me that they aspire to be vegetarian -or- they aspire to be vegan, but none of their friends are, and they feel that if they choose to be vegetarian or vegan, that they will isolate/alienate themselves from their friends/family.

 

Typically I get this comment doing outreach.  When tabling, our interactions with people are typically brief just because of the volume of people coming by the table, but I would like to hear from others what has helped them.  I asked a group at the Saturn Cafe dinner last week and one person responded that it was getting to meet more vegan people and realizing that she could have vegan friends that helped her stick with being vegan :-)

 

So, if you feel or felt this way, I would be interested to understand what helped you be successful in your aspirations to be vegetarian or vegan - was it meeting more veg*ns, specific books, etc. 

 

Cheers,

Tammy

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure if I'm the best to comment on this one cause I've always been seen as "weird" by my family and friends for not eating dead animals. Please someone tell me what "weird" is because to get it from my family and friends it's just the pot calling the kettle black! Tabling a Warped Tour and other concerts where young kids go (the peta2 kids!) Makes me feel a lot better. I met a young boy at a Goldfinger show not too long ago and he said, around all his friends, "F**k eating animals!" He's friends laughed but he was still true to his self and that was big for me. It's little things like that that keep me vegan. And I REALLY think that if I wasn't active and didn't have the support from so many people in this area I wouldn't still be vegan. If a friend is really a friend then they shouldn't care if you're vegan, veg*n, black, white, yellow, or green! If I can do it in Texas (in high school of

all places!) anyone can do it in the Bay Area/CA. Just stay true to your heart. Or the buddy system. A couple I use to work with went veg together after talking to me (at Chevys this was not easy) and they had each other for support. Two friends could do the same. The reason you are friends with most people is because you have something in common right? I'm sure you both have very loving hearts. I hope this helps, N-J

Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates starting at 1¢/min.

[Guest guest]

Hi folks

Thanks to everyone who replied on the list, and to the many more who replied privately, about their experience/perspective of aspiring to be vegetarian or vegan but feeling held back by meat-eating friends.

 

Relationships can be complicated, especially since so many social events/activities revolve around food. So, as Karen said, and people who responded privately also commented, veg*nism can feel like an "unpopular" choice if you are concerned about calling attention to yourself. Or, alternatively, it can be an opportunity to gently remind non-veg people about why you've made the decision to go veg (but lectures about factory farming aren't generally a welcome subject at the dinner table).

 

Here's what I think it takes to be successful as a vegan, and these seem to be common to the answers that I also received (except for #1, that's entirely my own personal experience!)

 

1) stubborn -- most vegans I know are stubborn people, and sometimes it's an important quality as we live in a non-vegan world.

 

2) educate yourself -- books, films, internet; there's a plethora of darn good reasons to be vegan, and for me, the most important one is the 3rd party that the people who dismiss vegetarianism overlook: the animals (On our last generationV.org podcast, Alex B had a great "vegan on the spot" about this)

 

3) get involved -- go to events and activities where you will meet people who feel like you do, people of "like mind" who support veg*nism; participate in online communities where you'll connect with others. And, I also want to add, go to several different types of events and activities, with different groups and different people. That is the advantage of living here in the Bay Area -- we have veg choices! On the bayareaveg.org website, we have a list of local groups and books, a good place to start your exploring and meeting new people and new friends.

 

Anyways, I know people can be shy about posting to the list, but it's a great way to meet people and get advice. If you're worried about getting too many emails or not wanting to have your email address "out there", don't let that stop you -- set up a free email account on or gmail and post with that userid.

 

If you are a new vegan or vegetarian, in search of support and feel uncomfortable/too shy to go an event where you won't know anyone, please make an effort to do so anyways. Everyone is new at one time, but by going to a specific event or multiple events, you'll soon become one of the "regulars" and part of a new group enjoying veg fellowship.

 

And come to one of the events I host. I really enjoy meeting new people and I'd love to share my years of research into the best vegan culinary delights in the Bay Area, books, films, etc. I'm just as happy to talk about outreach or advocacy too.

 

I post the events I'm organizing to the list, and you can check out the event calendar online and just look for my name -

 

http://bayareaveg.org/events

 

 

For me, personally, the worst part about deciding to go vegan was my lack of a good vegan cookbook. I really had some awful improvised meals. Fortunatley that didn't last long and there are so many good vegan cookbooks now. These are my three favorites.:

 

Peaceful Palate

Vegan Vittles

Saucy Vegetarian

 

 

I would love to hear more responses from people -- especially new vegans -- about the challenges they overcame, or are struggling to overcome. By sharing these experience, it is my hope that we can help others who are still facing them.

 

Cheers,

Tammy

 

 

 

Bay Area Vegetarianswww.BayAreaVeg.org