Guest guest Posted November 6, 2008 Report Share Posted November 6, 2008 I just spoke with my mom today on the phone. We don't talk much and she's never really liked me. But I've shown her nothing but love and respect over the years and always forgive her for getting out of line. I just became Vegan a month ago and have never been happier! I broke the news to my mom, she told me that I'm stupid for believing how factory farms are, that I'm stupid for believing that they use hormones, etc. She said that this stuff is only told by extremests and that it's not the truth and that very little of this is going on. She told me that the internet is my God. She told me I was giving her a headache and hung up on me. No one in the world deserves to be stomped on like this, called names, etc. I NEVER told her she was bad for eating meat. Just so happy to share what I've learned. She's done this to me my whole life. She didn't speak to me for a whole year after I got my nose pierced because she hated it. I don't know any other Vegans. I just am hoping for some support or to hear from people who have been in my shoes...... Thank you!! Tonya Jean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 7, 2008 Report Share Posted November 7, 2008 You have a whole elist of shoulders to cry on.Probably many in your area to eat vegan with too on any given night.hth,Barryps. If you need to, next time you see her eating animal, ask her how's the carrion. lol On Thu, Nov 6, 2008 at 11:19 AM, Jean <tgirl14 wrote: I just spoke with my mom today on the phone. We don't talk much and she's never really liked me. But I've shown her nothing but love and respect over the years and always forgive her for getting out of line. I just became Vegan a month ago and have never been happier! I broke the news to my mom, she told me that I'm stupid for believing how factory farms are, that I'm stupid for believing that they use hormones, etc. She said that this stuff is only told by extremests and that it's not the truth and that very little of this is going on. She told me that the internet is my God. She told me I was giving her a headache and hung up on me. No one in the world deserves to be stomped on like this, called names, etc. I NEVER told her she was bad for eating meat. Just so happy to share what I've learned. She's done this to me my whole life. She didn't speak to me for a whole year after I got my nose pierced because she hated it. I don't know any other Vegans. I just am hoping for some support or to hear from people who have been in my shoes...... Thank you!! Tonya Jean. -- " Life, is very, short, and there's no... time.......for fussing and fighting my friend " The Beatles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 7, 2008 Report Share Posted November 7, 2008 Greetings, Tonya Jean.First of all, I am so sorry that your mother isn't supportive of your lifestyle choice.I have been a vegetarian for 20 years and vegan for half of that. I know it can be hard to be the only one. I didn't have vegetarians in my immediate family until my sister followed me over to the "dark side" about 12 years ago. It can be really hard, but as was said, you have a whole list of people to lean on who share in your views about the animals.Your mother may have reacted negatively because when someone you know changes something you thought you knew about them, it creates a distance, a fear that the person isn't who you thought they were. She may just need some reassurance that you are still you, but more enlightened. If she thinks the internet is your "god", you can certainly point her to some of the pre-internet thinkers who believed as you do, like Albert Schweitzer, Mohandas Gandhi, Leonardo da Vinci and others. They all believed that harming any living creature unnecessarily was wrong. Some quotes:"The thinking man must oppose all cruel customs no matter how deeply rooted in tradition and surrounded by a halo. When we have a choice, we must avoid bringing torment and injury into the life of another, even the lowliest creature; to do so is to renounce our manhood and shoulder a guilt which nothing justifies." --Albert Schweitzer"Nothing will benefit human health and increase chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet." --Albert Einstein"To my mind, the life of a lamb is no less precious than that of a human being. I should be unwilling to take the life of a lamb for the sake of the human body." --Mohandas Gandhi"Flesh eating is simply immoral, as it involves the performance of an act which is contrary to moral feeling: killing. By killing, man suppresses in himself, unnecessarily, the highest spiritual capacity, that of sympathy and pity towards living creatures like himself and by violating his own feelings becomes cruel." --Leo Tolstoy "Truely man is the king of beasts, for his brutality exceeds theirs. We live by the death of others: we are burial places! I have from an early age abjured the use of meat, and the time will come when men such as I will look on the murder of animals as they now look on the murder of men." --Leonardo da VinciTo tell you the truth, though, there is no amount of talking that will convince a non-vegetarian to become a vegetarian as thoroughly as example. You continue to do what is right in your heart. Continue to seek out people who think as you do--and on this list, there are many. Go to some of the potluck or holiday events put on by BAV members so that you can make some face to face connections. You can also feel free to write me privately for info or moral support.One last bit of advice, your mother may not be the most supportive person of your veg*ism, but don't write her off just yet. She may come around and she may find that your recent realization and decision says something very positive about the kind of person you are, about your views on life and compassion. If, of course, she sends nothing but negativity your way, some distance might be necessary for you to maintain a healthy outlook. That sometimes happens when families' communication breaks down. But give her some time, it may just be a big deal for her now.Good luck with everything and I hope to hear from you.Happiness and health,Tonya (yes, another Tonya) See how Windows® connects the people, information, and fun that are part of your life Click here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 7, 2008 Report Share Posted November 7, 2008 No offense to your mom, Tonya Jean, but she's the stupid one if she doesn't believe animals are mistreated in factory farms. The video evidence is overwhelming. In all honesty, though, it's probably not stupidity - she's probably just in denial. Keep in mind that people tend to be afraid of change, and to most meat-eaters who have never put any thought into where their food comes from it is very scary to think that maybe what they've been doing for decades has hurt thousands of creatures. For them, it is easier to deny the truth than to admit wrongdoing and recodnize that in order to stop the creuelty they must make some changes, too.I understand that you mom has hurt you - not just now, but many times in the past. If you just cannot withstand her mean nature any longer than there is nothing wrong with setting her aside and trying to associate with more compassionate people. Or you could simply have a "superficial" relationship with her where you do not discuss incendiary topics. But with the publicity that animal cruelty is finally starting to garner, hopefully she will eventually realize you were right all along and get to apoint where she will listen to your thoughts on the issue.Regards,Mike Borg Jean <tgirl14 Sent: Thursday, November 6, 2008 11:19:36 AM Need a shoulder to cry on!!!!!!!!!! I just spoke with my mom today on the phone. We don't talk much and she's never really liked me. But I've shown her nothing but love and respect over the years and always forgive her for getting out of line. I just became Vegan a month ago and have never been happier! I broke the news to my mom, she told me that I'm stupid for believing how factory farms are, that I'm stupid for believing that they use hormones, etc. She said that this stuff is only told by extremests and that it's not the truth and that very little of this is going on. She told me that the internet is my God. She told me I was giving her a headache and hung up on me. No one in the world deserves to be stomped on like this, called names, etc. I NEVER told her she was bad for eating meat. Just so happy to share what I've learned. She's done this to me my whole life. She didn't speak to me for a whole year after I got my nose pierced because she hated it. I don't know any other Vegans. I just am hoping for some support or to hear from people who have been in my shoes...... Thank you!! Tonya Jean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 7, 2008 Report Share Posted November 7, 2008 Dear Jean, First of all, you are to be congratulated for being such a compassionate, decent and caring person. This is all the more remarkable, given that it sounds like you certainly were not shown and taught compassion at home (or by your mom at least). Of course you know that, factually, you are correct and your mother is incorrect. That is not opinion. That is fact. If your mother cared to, she could check out the matter herself and she would find that you speak the truth. However, it really sounds like your mom isn't terribly interested in finding out what the truth of the matter is. In fact, as others have pointed out, it sounds like she is actualy interested in *not* finding out! What you describe sadly, sounds like a relationship with a long history of criticism and abuse. I don't know you or your mom and there may well be a lot of great things there that I don't know about, but what you describe sounds like it is very unhealthy for you. I suspect if it wasn't your eating choices that were being criticized, it would be something else. I speak from experience as I have several family members with whom, sadly, I have to really limit my contact. I assume you live in the Bay Area. If you do, there are a lot of people here who also care about animals and there are a lot of activities at which to make friends. I hope you can make some friends who know that you are not only right, but to be admired! Take very good care, Jean, Stephanie On 11/6/08, Jean <tgirl14 wrote: I just spoke with my mom today on the phone. We don't talk much andshe's never really liked me. But I've shown her nothing but love andrespect over the years and always forgive her for getting out of line. I just became Vegan a month ago and have never been happier!I broke the news to my mom, she told me that I'm stupid for believinghow factory farms are, that I'm stupid for believing that they use hormones, etc. She said that this stuff is only told by extremests andthat it's not the truth and that very little of this is going on. Shetold me that the internet is my God. She told me I was giving her a headache and hung up on me.No one in the world deserves to be stomped on like this, called names,etc. I NEVER told her she was bad for eating meat. Just so happy toshare what I've learned. She's done this to me my whole life. She didn't speak to me for a whole year after I got my nose piercedbecause she hated it.I don't know any other Vegans. I just am hoping for some support or tohear from people who have been in my shoes...... Thank you!!Tonya Jean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2008 Report Share Posted November 8, 2008 Its a process of attraction, not promotion.So stick to you moral taste buds and be sure not to insult your Mom's roasted turkey same as you want her to respect your tofu. A process will happen that a single conversation can only discuss intellectually. hth,BarryOn Fri, Nov 7, 2008 at 11:08 AM, tonya hammond <eatyourveggies wrote: Greetings, Tonya Jean.First of all, I am so sorry that your mother isn't supportive of your lifestyle choice. I have been a vegetarian for 20 years and vegan for half of that. I know it can be hard to be the only one. I didn't have vegetarians in my immediate family until my sister followed me over to the " dark side " about 12 years ago. It can be really hard, but as was said, you have a whole list of people to lean on who share in your views about the animals. -- " Life, is very, short, and there's no... time.......for fussing and fighting my friend " The Beatles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2008 Report Share Posted November 8, 2008 Hi allJean, congratulations on your decision to go vegan! I don't have any suggestions per se for dealing with your mom, but there are 3 things that I still do today that have helped me in my nearly 20 years of vegan living:1) Keep educating yourself on all the great reasons to go vegan. This reinforces your decision, and over time, you will become more experienced and eloquent at explaining yourself, if you choose too. I still read books today with the Food for Thought book club; we meet 5-6 times a year to discuss animal rights/veg*n nonfiction and of course there's vegan food. It can sometimes be an interesting source of trivia, too -- did you know the Dr. Frankenstein's monster was a vegetarian ? :-) 2) Try meeting new people.Presumably you're in the Bay Area if you joined the list, and this group (Bay Area Vegetarians) has events in different parts of the Bay Area (they're posted to this list, and also listed on the website). There's social events like group dinners as well as activist and outreach events such as veg leafleting, writing letters to protest animal cruelty/promote compassion to animals, and protesting KFC cruelty.In addition, there are other groups and individuals also hosting events and activities. A starting point may be looking at our resources page ( http://bayareaveg.org/resources.htm ) as well as using networking sites like facebook, meetup, etc. And, if you're not in an area where there are events, there are plenty of opportunities to connect online with people (like this mailing list as well as other online forums)3) It's all about the food. Get some good vegan cookbooks and experiment at trying new foods. Public libraries are a great resource. I've found vegan cookbooks, animal rights books and DVDs at mine.Check out the Ultimate Guide and hopefully you can try some of the wonderful purely vegetarian restaurants in the Bay Area. http://bayareaveg.org/ug Food is the center of most social gatherings. Being vegans means we're different. Being vegan means that we point out to everyone else who isn't vegan that they're eating animals and we aren't. Carol Adams has written a book called "Living Among Meat Eaters". I only read this a few years ago, but I still found it very helpful in understanding the reactions we can sometimes get from people. Adams makes the point that angry or upset reactions could be masking defensiveness / guilt. And, dealing with family members is especially difficult, I think, because our role in the family is already pre-defined. And, furthermore, by going vegan when our parents aren't, we aren't saying they raised us wrong .. merely that we have made a more informed choice. But sometimes that's hard to communicate .. So, that's my three cents worth, hope it helps. Cheers, Tammy Upcoming BAVeg Events: 11/10 Adopt-a-College Leafleting - SF 11/19 Have a Heart, Go Veg Leafleting & Dinner - SF 01/11 Food for Thought: Appetite for Profit - SF Sign-up for our monthly newsletter to stay informed and active! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 9, 2008 Report Share Posted November 9, 2008 Hi Jean,I grew up with a father that was very critical and abusive, finally completely reecting me, and he didn't change in this lifetime. I am learning to really forgive him, and my life is better for it. It takes time and baby steps and learning to let go.You made a good decision to be compassionate and go vegan. Image how amazing this world would be if we all lived compassionately. I stay open, share my veganism without being pushy (especially amazing vegan dishes the omnivores in my life find tempting and delicious) and hope I've planted and fertilized the seeds of change.If you want some great vegan recipes, there are lots of online resources, besides going out and buying vegan/vegetarian cookbooks.I think this list has recipes in its archives, recipes people shared from some vegan potlucks.You also might want to check out vegeterian and vegan cookbooks at your local library, and consider buying the ones that appeal to you most. VegNews (journal/magazine) had a feature, a couple of issues back, on vegan blog sites. One of them I decided to to (because of tempting sound recipes with photos that make them all the more tempting) is FatFree Vegan Kichen (http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/).Her latest blog recipe is White Bean Chili (with tempting photos) including instructions for three ways to cook it: pressure cooker, slow cooker and stovetop.Also, I check out Bryanna Clark Grogan's blog on a regular basis (http://veganfeastkitchen.blogspot.com/). Her latest recipe (with tempting photo) is Roasted Applesaice/Amaretti Vegan Gelato.Another vegan blog I check out regularly is Dreena Burton's (http://viveleveganrecipes.blogspot.com/). I fell in love Dreena's Classic Cranberry Sauce recipe that was featured in VegNews' Nov+Dec 2007 issue. (Hands down the very best cranberry sauce I've ever eaten. Great depth of flavor without being too tart or too sweet. I'm making serveral batches this year - some to eat for the holidays, some to share with friends and family, and some to freeze to have past the holiday season. Also works as preserves to spread on toast!) Her latest blog recipe is Double Chocolate Almond Explosion Cookies (with gorgeous photo!).I have more vegan blogs and vegan recipe blogs, from that VegNews issue, bookmarked to check on regularly. And there are more that I still want to check out but haven't gotten to yet.I'd also recommend the Everyday Dish website and podcast. You can find recipes and videos of vegan cooks/chefs creating tempting foods on the website, or to the podcasts, which are the videos, which you can view in iTunes. (http://www.everydaydish.tv/) Their latest offering is Chocolate Chip Coconut Cookies with Sarah Kramer.Colleen Patrick-Goudreau (Compassionate Cooks: www.compassionatecooks.com) offers vegan cooking classes as well as recipes on her website, recipe packets for sale (only $5 a set for several recipes), a email newsletter, and a podcast to which you can . The newsletters, and especially to podcasts, are very informative about a variety of vegan issues. The classes would be a good way to meet fellow Bay area vegans while expanding your vegan cooking repetoire. She also has the best recipe I've come across for a chocolate 'butter' cream frosting. I'm going to try her recipe for chocolate fudge this week.These resources I've cited hardly scratch the surface. Go to one of them and you'll probably find links to many others. There are still sources I haven't yet explored ... yet.Many recipes are comfort foods omnivores would find very tempting and satisfying. They might find that vegans are very clever cooks and that they wouldn't miss much. Good luck. Quoting Jean <tgirl14: > I just spoke with my mom today on the phone. We don't talk much and > she's never really liked me. But I've shown her nothing but love and > respect over the years and always forgive her for getting out of line. > > I just became Vegan a month ago and have never been happier! > > I broke the news to my mom, she told me that I'm stupid for believing > how factory farms are, that I'm stupid for believing that they use > hormones, etc. She said that this stuff is only told by extremests and > that it's not the truth and that very little of this is going on. She > told me that the internet is my God. She told me I was giving her a > headache and hung up on me. > > No one in the world deserves to be stomped on like this, called names, > etc. I NEVER told her she was bad for eating meat. Just so happy to > share what I've learned. She's done this to me my whole life. She > didn't speak to me for a whole year after I got my nose pierced > because she hated it. > > I don't know any other Vegans. I just am hoping for some support or to > hear from people who have been in my shoes...... > > Thank you!! > > Tonya Jean. > > DeniseC " In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations. " ~ from The Great Law of the Iroquois Confederacy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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