Guest guest Posted November 20, 2007 Report Share Posted November 20, 2007 absolutely- that's why I said I'm lucky to have a tolerant family, otherwise things might be different! If rudeness to me or my children about our lifestyle rather then mere ignorance was happening, I wouldn't attend either! - Gayle<dilemma5 VRGPARENTS (AT) (DOT) COM<VRGPARENTS (AT) (DOT) COM> Tuesday, November 20, 2007 5:55 AM Re: Thanksgiving Meals Frequently there is much more involved than food when those of us who have decided to do alternate gatherings for holidays. In my case, the best way for me to not have a family rift was to go an alternate route. The thing is, with most of us who have given up on our families is that the tolerance does not go in both directions. I have never tried to get any of my family to become vegan except by modeling and have never been militant or pushy or any of that - just minded my own business and never expected anyone to do anything different for me. I spent years (been vegan for 35 years now) being tolerant of my family and having to listen to their comments (mostly not kind) about my decision to live a vegan lifestyle. It gets to the point where the kindest thing to do and the only thing to do to keep any kind of family peace and a decent relationship is to change the way things are done. Food is not the most important thing and is definitely not the most important factor in my decision. It was the continual lack of disrespect and jabs because of my way of life. To bring my children to a gathering where they are not respected - no matter who the gathering is with, is not showing them a a good model of family. In fact, it is showing them that family is not good to be around because of the hurt feelings and disrespect. Continually being disrespected for one's beliefs by family and friends can cause a rift in and of itself. When doing something that causes pain over and over again, feelings can be hurt, people can become angry (I am not angry - I stopped going before that happened) and irreparable damage can occur. Sometimes it's best to just not be a part of certain things and come together over other things to maintain good and loving family relations. God's Peace, Gayle " Children need models rather than critics. " ~ Joseph Joubert (1754 - 1824) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 20, 2007 Report Share Posted November 20, 2007 Beautifully written, Gayle, and so true! Liz Gayle <dilemma5 VRGPARENTS (AT) (DOT) COM Tuesday, November 20, 2007 4:55:10 AM Re: Thanksgiving Meals Frequently there is much more involved than food when those of us who have decided to do alternate gatherings for holidays. In my case, the best way for me to not have a family rift was to go an alternate route. The thing is, with most of us who have given up on our families is that the tolerance does not go in both directions. I have never tried to get any of my family to become vegan except by modeling and have never been militant or pushy or any of that - just minded my own business and never expected anyone to do anything different for me. I spent years (been vegan for 35 years now) being tolerant of my family and having to listen to their comments (mostly not kind) about my decision to live a vegan lifestyle. It gets to the point where the kindest thing to do and the only thing to do to keep any kind of family peace and a decent relationship is to change the way things are done. Food is not the most important thing and is definitely not the most important factor in my decision. It was the continual lack of disrespect and jabs because of my way of life. To bring my children to a gathering where they are not respected - no matter who the gathering is with, is not showing them a a good model of family. In fact, it is showing them that family is not good to be around because of the hurt feelings and disrespect. Continually being disrespected for one's beliefs by family and friends can cause a rift in and of itself. When doing something that causes pain over and over again, feelings can be hurt, people can become angry (I am not angry - I stopped going before that happened) and irreparable damage can occur. Sometimes it's best to just not be a part of certain things and come together over other things to maintain good and loving family relations. God's Peace, Gayle " Children need models rather than critics. " ~ Joseph Joubert (1754 - 1824) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 22, 2007 Report Share Posted November 22, 2007 Not sure how common this is, given the horror stories we all have. But I, too, can testify that change is possible with the 'rents. My parents were strictly run of the mill omnis their entire life. However, when my sister became vegetarian and I became vegan in our 30's, they converted to being vegetarian. And when they visit at my house, or my family visits at their house, they go vegan. And they like it! Really, they just need the help of somebody who can show them what to buy and give them some tips for meals. So, while I think we sometimes lower our expectations to avoid disappointment, it might be that given the chance, people can rise to the occasion. As the saying goes, why not " expect a miracle " ! - Alan , " Lisa Schroeder " <awoogala wrote: > > ... Besides, my parents (who will never stop fully eating meat.. grew up poverty stricken and always hungry...meat=not starving to them) have actually cut way down on meat due to our influence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2007 Report Share Posted November 23, 2007 I agree change is possible and of course the degree totally depends on the individual. Over the years we tend to influence those that are closest to us. It may take awhile (30 years and counting here) and for some it may never happen, but judging from the fact that my omni family came over yesterday and enjoyed an entirely vegan feast (no complaints -- even from my brother the big carnivorous barbequing man) anything is possible. I worked my butt off, but it was worth it! Some years we get together and everybody brings stuff (they are all vegan-educated by now), others we (the 4 of us) have gone to a vegan group thing (one time we went to a vegan feast where a live turkey was the guest of honor!) and still others it's just us and the whole family joins in because I don't want to do it all myself and of course we want to have all of the fixings. Here is what we had yesterday (nothing store-bought except for the apple pie and the ww pumpkin pie crust and the rolls) Let me know if you are interested in any of the recipes: Herb-Infused Thanksgiving Tofu (me) Crockpot Thanksgiving Stuffing (me) Wild Rice Stuffing (no bread) w/ toasted pecans (I wanted to try this so I made it up -- It turned out pretty tasty!) Mashed potatoes (my kids) Mashed yams (my mom) Gravy (me) Thanksgiving Green Bean Casserole (me) Braised Kale w/ toasted pine nuts (me) Steamed Asparagus (me) Salad w/ toasted seeds and beets and apples (my mom) 3 kinds of cranberry sauce (my mom) rolls w/ jelly (my sil) apple pie (my sil) pumpkin pie (me) Tracy On Nov 21, 2007, at 6:43 PM, Alan wrote: > > Not sure how common this is, given the horror stories we all have. > But I, too, can testify that change is possible with the 'rents. My > parents were strictly run of the mill omnis their entire life. > However, when my sister became vegetarian and I became vegan in our > 30's, they converted to being vegetarian. And when they visit at my > house, or my family visits at their house, they go vegan. And they > like it! Really, they just need the help of somebody who can show > them what to buy and give them some tips for meals. > > So, while I think we sometimes lower our expectations to avoid > disappointment, it might be that given the chance, people can rise > to the occasion. > > As the saying goes, why not " expect a miracle " ! > > - Alan > > , " Lisa Schroeder " <awoogala > wrote: > > > > ... Besides, my parents (who will never stop fully eating meat.. > grew up poverty stricken and always hungry...meat=not starving to > them) have actually cut way down on meat due to our influence. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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