Educating or Alienating?

[Guest guest]

I've been wanting to write for a while to start a discussion on how others

broach the subject of animal welfare, animal cruelty or vegetarianism with

others.  I often hesitate to share my thoughts or articles or videos with

friends via Facebook or other means because part of me is concerned with

offending them or having them put off by my posts or emails.  Yet, it's a big

part of my life. 

 

I don't come into contact on a daily basis with people that share my views on

diet or animal rights, etc. let alone being environmentally conscious.  I don't

want to always be the one posting about serious topics or topics that may shock

others.

 

I posted this link to a PETA film about pet adoptions on my Facebook wall

tonight based on the encouragement of my 11 year old son. 

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/video/video.php?v=646348680292 & ref=nf. I'm

curious what response, if any, that I will get.  I didn't post the link to

meat.org even though I thought it was great.

 

It seems like a delicate balance to share who you are, and educate but not

alienate.

 

How do you manage this?

 

Connie

 

 

[Guest guest]

Connie,

 

I post. People who know me realize that this is who I am. They don't

have to like me. If I change to appease them then I'm not being myself

and they are not really liking the real me. So I post, but I try to do

it in a non-confrontational manner. Like I don't personally send it to

someone specific. I post it on Facebook and that's it. They have the

option to ignore it, read it, respond, or even drop me from their

friends list (and that's happened quite a few times). But I can live

with that. I can't live with not being myself. My ethical vegetarianism

is such a part of who I am that if they don't like that about me then

they just don't like me. It's who I am and it touches just about every

area of my life.

 

So I say post away, but don't direct it anyone in particular. Just make

a general post for everyone to have the option of seeing it. You'll see

who your real friends are!

 

Jacqueline

[Guest guest]

Hello,

 

I know I responded to this earlier already, but I have been thinking

about it today and discussed it at lunch with my friend (we have lunch

together each week). I think you have to know your audience. Some people

will be receptive of the educating, others will find you offensve. I

have lost many " friends " over the years because of my comments and

attempts to educate people about animal rights.

 

When it comes to discussing such issues (beyond posting links on

Facebook, where people can choose to click and read or not), I know and

try to respect my audience most of the time when bringing up such

matters. I know my limits, in other words. There are some people that I

never bring up the issue of vegetarianism or animal rights to in

conversation (such as one of my sisters or my grandfather). Nothing good

would come from such a conversation. They are who they are, I am who I

am, and if we want to have a relationship at all, we have learned that

we have to leave that topic off the table. I know with other people I

can say " a little " and it will be okay, they will not be offended or put

off. Then there are some people I am closer to that I can speak freely

about it with.

 

My friend that I meet each week for lunch is Indian and therefore very

open to vegetarianism. She is not a vegetarian, but many of her friends

are, and being from India, she is used to vegetarianism. However, it is

a topic that we discuss only a limited basis. And this is because we

both have different views on the subject and we don't want to offend

each other. We want to remain friends, so we talk about other things.

 

I think posting the things to something like Facebook is fine,

regardless of audience, because they have the choice to not cick and

read it, or to hide your information. But in person, it's a different

story. The more you try to " educate " people on the issue in person, I

have found the more offended and put off they become. You have to pick

your battles and only bring such things up when you either know that it

will be okay, or if it's a group that you don't mind putting on defense.

Omnivores get very defensive when you mention vegetarianism, regardless

I have found, of the manner in which it is brought up.

 

So know your audience... if you don't want to lose friends then don't

attempt to educate. If you are okay with it, as I am at times, then

educate away.

 

That's my two cents...

 

Jacqueline

www.vegblogger.com

[Guest guest]

I, too, often post 'stuff' I know my 'friends' may not agree with- be it upon

the topic of veg, politics, whatever. I, like most people I assume, have a wide

variety of friends on facebook- people I went to school with and haven't seen in

20 years, family, people who know me well at the moment, people I know through

my husband, etc. We ALL share parts of ourselves (I personally could do without

the proud-hunter-of-deer moments those couple of guys I went to high school

with like to post) that others don't care about. You ignore the stuff you don't

want to see, they'll do the same. I wouldn't concern yourself too much with it.

Like Popeye said, " I yam what I yam " .

happy posting!

j.

 

 

 

 

________________________________

Connie <conniemm

 

Wed, February 17, 2010 9:21:06 PM

Educating or Alienating?

 

 

I've been wanting to write for a while to start a discussion on how others

broach the subject of animal welfare, animal cruelty or vegetarianism with

others.  I often hesitate to share my thoughts or articles or videos with

friends via Facebook or other means because part of me is concerned with

offending them or having them put off by my posts or emails.  Yet, it's a big

part of my life. 

 

I don't come into contact on a daily basis with people that share my views on

diet or animal rights, etc. let alone being environmentally conscious.  I don't

want to always be the one posting about serious topics or topics that may shock

others.

 

I posted this link to a PETA film about pet adoptions on my Facebook wall

tonight based on the encouragement of my 11 year old son. 

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/video/video. php?v=6463486802 92 & ref=nf. I'm

curious what response, if any, that I will get.  I didn't post the link to

meat.org even though I thought it was great.

 

It seems like a delicate balance to share who you are, and educate but not

alienate.

 

How do you manage this?

 

Connie

 

 

[Guest guest]

Thanks Jacqueline and Jenni for your responses.

 

I mostly don't talk about my views with friends. They know I am vegetarian and

respect it but rarely do I share why I am (nor do they ask). People have no

idea of how animals are treated, as you all know. It's amazing to me how

" hidden " it all is.

 

On a side note, do any of you find it amusing when people ask if your children

are vegetarian too? Why would I be vegetarian but feed my child meat? Maybe

it's more obvious for me as a single mom as I know some people have exes that

may eat differently than them. But I'm single! Do they think I'll cook a slab of

tofu for myself and a hunk of beef for him?!

 

I'm happy I have a group here that is like-minded. At least I can read and share

posts here and not feel like nobody understands what I think.

 

Connie

[Guest guest]

What a great topic. I'm eager to hear what others have to say. Here are my two

cents. I think that any time we seek to educate another person about why we're

right, we lose. Regardless of how tactfully I give the lesson, it sends the

message " I know more than you do. " And that message only makes the listener

defensive and makes me look arrogant and aggressive.

 

That said, I've had a lot of luck with really open dialogues. Conversations in

which I was open to learning more about where the other person was coming from

and what leads them to make the choices they make. I don't go into the

conversation interested in converting them. Being vegetarian is a very personal

decision that requires a commitment and will-power. I think people become

vegetarian when they're ready. Those who become vegetarian for any reason other

than their own personal evolution are less likely to stick with it.

 

I believe in the power of example. I have had so many wonderful conversations

with meat-eaters who felt comfortable asking the reasons for my decision. I

always frame my reasons in very personal terms and am careful to state over and

over again that it's the right choice for me and my family (vs. the empirically

correct decision for all). This approach has kept the lines of conversation

open and everyone in my circle is super supportive of our family's choice. They

all bend over backward to provide vegan choices at get togethers and birthday

parties. They are often thrilled to find how easy vegan cooking can be and how

good they feel. All without me having to do any intentional changing of their

ways. I might even go so far as to say it's because I haven't tried to change

them. I think if we want to respected for who we are than we absolutely must be

gentle with who others are ... even (or maybe especially) when we disagree.

 

Okay, and on the issue of posting to facebook or other sites like that, I would

argue that it's fine if the intention is to share something that has come up for

me personally. If the intention is change others, I find I set everyone up for

a fight. So if I'm posting something about animal cruelty, I might add a

comment like " I saw this today and it really bothered me. What do you guys

think? " I always learn so much about the people I care about, when I'm open to

hearing their points of view. As an added bonus, it tends to make them more

open to hearing me. Together we evolve and change.

 

Boy that was a long post. It's a hard question and an important one.

 

Thanks!

Rachel

 

, " conniemmsc " <conniemm wrote:

>

> Thanks Jacqueline and Jenni for your responses.

>

> I mostly don't talk about my views with friends. They know I am vegetarian and

respect it but rarely do I share why I am (nor do they ask). People have no

idea of how animals are treated, as you all know. It's amazing to me how

" hidden " it all is.

>

> On a side note, do any of you find it amusing when people ask if your children

are vegetarian too? Why would I be vegetarian but feed my child meat? Maybe

it's more obvious for me as a single mom as I know some people have exes that

may eat differently than them. But I'm single! Do they think I'll cook a slab of

tofu for myself and a hunk of beef for him?!

>

> I'm happy I have a group here that is like-minded. At least I can read and

share posts here and not feel like nobody understands what I think.

>

> Connie

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the thoughtful reply, Rachel.

 

I've always tried to do as you say by educating people when they ask

questions or serving as an example. It's just that sometimes I want

people to be more aware of the abuse that occurs. I really think they

have no idea.

 

I am sorry I posted the video about " Buy One, Get One Killed " about

buying pets from breeders. I definitely stepped on some people's toes. I

got these comments - one from a friend and one from a co-worker from

years ago:

 

Wow, that is intense! Little over the top. Jay's comment.......that is

like saying no one should have children......they should only adopt.....

(To which I replied that this is ridiculous - we're not talking about

children - we don't euthanize kids when we run out of shelter for them).

 

We love our puppy bought from a breeder very much! Kudos to everyone who

goes to the shelter, but I don't agree that the rest of us are evil. (I

never said anyone was evil)

 

So now I am feeling pretty alienated. I guess I need a thicker skin (or

more like-minded friends!).

 

Connie

 

 

, " rachelbmorones " <Exudepeace

wrote:

>

> What a great topic. I'm eager to hear what others have to say. Here

are my two cents. I think that any time we seek to educate another

person about why we're right, we lose. Regardless of how tactfully I

give the lesson, it sends the message " I know more than you do. " And

that message only makes the listener defensive and makes me look

arrogant and aggressive.

>

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Oh, that's really sad.  did you get any good comments?  I'm surprised people

had the nerve to say those things.  What you need is a few people on your

friends list that you know will make positive comments.

 

 

 

 

________________________________

conniemmsc <conniemm

 

Sun, February 21, 2010 10:40:55 AM

Re: Educating or Alienating?

 

 

 

Thanks for the thoughtful reply, Rachel.

 

I've always tried to do as you say by educating people when they ask

questions or serving as an example. It's just that sometimes I want

people to be more aware of the abuse that occurs. I really think they

have no idea.

 

I am sorry I posted the video about " Buy One, Get One Killed " about

buying pets from breeders. I definitely stepped on some people's toes. I

got these comments - one from a friend and one from a co-worker from

years ago:

 

Wow, that is intense! Little over the top. Jay's comment..... ..that is

like saying no one should have children.... ..they should only adopt.....

(To which I replied that this is ridiculous - we're not talking about

children - we don't euthanize kids when we run out of shelter for them).

 

We love our puppy bought from a breeder very much! Kudos to everyone who

goes to the shelter, but I don't agree that the rest of us are evil. (I

never said anyone was evil)

 

So now I am feeling pretty alienated. I guess I need a thicker skin (or

more like-minded friends!).

 

Connie

 

@gro ups.com, " rachelbmorones " <Exudepeace@ ...>

wrote:

>

> What a great topic. I'm eager to hear what others have to say. Here

are my two cents. I think that any time we seek to educate another

person about why we're right, we lose. Regardless of how tactfully I

give the lesson, it sends the message " I know more than you do. " And

that message only makes the listener defensive and makes me look

arrogant and aggressive.

>