New Veg Troubles

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone!

I'm a relatively new, college-bound, vegetarian. First of all, I really

love this group. The recipes and everything are so helpful.

However, I was wondering, how did you guys get your families to accept

your choice? I officially told my family in October. Unfortunately

almost everyone in my family, except my Grandmother, doesn't

understand. I continue to politely turn down meat every time they make

it for me or in the case of my father and younger brother, they tease

me about it.

Can anyone recommend some simple and polite methods for reminding them

that I am a vegetarian and don't appreciate the abuse?

I've already tried talking to them, but they just seem to " forget " .

 

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Wow, Ashley, I'd be tempted to be very blunt and no worry so much about

being polite. I became a vegetarian after graduating from high school

in June 1977. It might have been a temporary experiment if my mother

hadn't snorted and said, " Ha! I wonder how long _that_ will last? "

Well, it lasted 30 years this month and counting. Now, my mother was a

fabulous mother (she has passed) and this comment was rather

uncharacteristic of her. But I remember this with my own kids - I try

never to snort at their ideas. :-)

 

Good luck!

 

Sharon

 

Ashley wrote:

> Hello everyone!

> I'm a relatively new, college-bound, vegetarian. First of all, I really

> love this group. The recipes and everything are so helpful.

> However, I was wondering, how did you guys get your families to accept

> your choice? I officially told my family in October. Unfortunately

> almost everyone in my family, except my Grandmother, doesn't

> understand. I continue to politely turn down meat every time they make

> it for me or in the case of my father and younger brother, they tease

> me about it.

> Can anyone recommend some simple and polite methods for reminding them

> that I am a vegetarian and don't appreciate the abuse?

> I've already tried talking to them, but they just seem to " forget " .

>

> Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

Ashley –

 

It IS tough! We’ve been vegetarian for a while, and vegan since March.

Because of dh’s diabetes we don’t eat process sugars, or high processed carb

foods. We’d go to MIL’s house, and she’d serve Meatloaf (which she made

‘more vegetarian’ by adding peppers and onions). The last time she invited

us over the menu was scalloped potatoes and chicken fried steak . . . she’s

appalled at the very idea of raw vegetables (which aren’t cooked, and

therefore aren’t meant to be eaten). We do NOT eat there anymore, and dh

has already informed her that Holiday meals will be at our house until she

learns that not everything needs to be overcooked or made with eggs, mayo,

butter . . . and meat.

 

I come from a meat & potatoes family, and reality is that no one in my

family is going to change their menu planning for our taste. We recently

went to my brother’s house – and he served BBQ ribs, baked beans (with ham),

potato salad (made with mayo), and coleslaw – with mayo. We brought our own

vegan burgers, Nayonnaise, soy chips. My youngest brother tried to rib dh,

but it doesn’t go very far. I think you’re doing the right thing - politely

turning down meat and not making a big production is the way to go – and

ignore the teasing. If they can’t get a response out of you, they’ll stop

doing it. Since October isn’t really that long; give them another year or

two, and they’ll forget that you weren’t always a veggie!

 

Good Luck!

 

Ashley wrote:

> Hello everyone!

> I'm a relatively new, college-bound, vegetarian. First of all, I really

> love this group. The recipes and everything are so helpful.

> However, I was wondering, how did you guys get your families to accept

> your choice? I officially told my family in October. Unfortunately

> almost everyone in my family, except my Grandmother, doesn't

> understand. I continue to politely turn down meat every time they make

> it for me or in the case of my father and younger brother, they tease

> me about it.

> Can anyone recommend some simple and polite methods for reminding them

> that I am a vegetarian and don't appreciate the abuse?

> I've already tried talking to them, but they just seem to " forget " .

>

> Thanks.

>

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

People do " forget " or worse, hope that you'll " come to your senses " . I

remember my Mom reminding my Dad I no longer eat meat. His response

was " but this is turkey! " . Fortunately for me, my family has accepted

my choice. On Jim's side of the family, they have given him such grief!

And it hurts him alot to be shunned or considered the crazy one.

 

You reach a point where you have to do what's best for you. When people

see you're serious, perhaps they'll try to be more understanding.

Blessings!

Cyndy

[Guest guest]

I'm glad I'm not the only one...every time my husband asked about dinner " in

the beginning " he would ask if I wanted some meat product and I would just

look at him as if to say - are you really that forgetful or just being

ornery?? Now he asks where can I eat if we are going out or what will I eat

which is nice. Of course, he knew about the parasites and didn't care & it

was all new to me. His doctor just informed him he picked up a parasite

while we were on vacation and has to do a parasite cleanse....it's only now

that he's worried about what will come to pass - no pun intended. I suppose

as long as he isn't aware of them then he cares not....that's where we

differ.

 

Funny thing is I never was a big meat eater before we married but when I

started to cook for him and trying new recipes I fell right in

line....unless it was a whole chicken reminding me exactly what I was eating

I didn't have a problem preparing it. Now, I'm trying to get away from

dairy as well as meat....well in addition to a lot of other things. It's

not an easy road and people still give me grief about it...I just give them

a crappy smirk and don't say a word - I don't complain about that they are

eating...why should they comment about what I'm NOT eating?!?!

 

Nicole

 

On 6/13/07, moonspritetopaz <moonspritetopaz wrote:

>

> People do " forget " or worse, hope that you'll " come to your senses " .

>

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

The best thing to do is never assume you will get fed by friends or

family. Bring your own food! if you do it graciously and share, or

offer to share, no one should be uspset, and if they are too bad for

them! they are obviously not meeting your needs, and food is a

need.

 

When I bring my own main dish this allows me to relax and not even

worry if there will be anything edible to me. It is amazing how

people manage to make meat dishes out of things that were never

meant to have meat, or could benefit tastewise from being made

vegetarian, like salads, beans, etc. Maybe you will be able to eat

the desserts at your family gatherings?

 

Also, as other members have pointed out, most likely your family

will respect your choice after you prove to them it is not a fad.

However, after 26 years, I still encounter troubles from time to

time myself. Not with my family (they have accepted my choice by

now), but wiht new friends for example. A few weeks ago we were

invited to a steam pot (vietnamese) at a friends of my sweetie's

house, and they cooked the meat in the boiling water and then I was

expected to put tofu in it. I just ate it uncooked and did not eat

very much. It is always hard the first time, next time I will eat

dinner before going there (another solution for you). Then you can

just have the dessert. One of my problems is that I do get really

hungry (I exercise a lot), and I am not in a very good mood if I

cannot eat. I suppose most of us are this way?

 

Good luck!

 

 

, " Ashley "

<purplemoonanimal wrote:

>

> Hello everyone!

> I'm a relatively new, college-bound, vegetarian. First of all, I

really

> love this group. The recipes and everything are so helpful.

> However, I was wondering, how did you guys get your families to

accept

> your choice? I officially told my family in October. Unfortunately

> almost everyone in my family, except my Grandmother, doesn't

> understand. I continue to politely turn down meat every time they

make

> it for me or in the case of my father and younger brother, they

tease

> me about it.

> Can anyone recommend some simple and polite methods for reminding

them

> that I am a vegetarian and don't appreciate the abuse?

> I've already tried talking to them, but they just seem

to " forget " .

>

> Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

Having read all the posts I am surprised at the attitude of folk. I'm in London,

UK and I find that vegetarianism is very acceptable and accepted. If my

non-veggi friends invite me to dinner they offer to cook all vegi or certainly

cater for me and it isn't hard or a hassel for them as they'll make a meat dish

and a veggi dish anyway.

 

The worst thing I've experienced recently was someone asking me if I can cook

Bengali food (that's my ethnic origin) and I said " Yes, but I don't cook meat or

fish " and she replied " Well that's boring. " to which I replied " actually it's

not. "

 

P.s. I can get cranky when hungry too.

 

 

cabrita_trl <roseta_lleo wrote:

The best thing to do is never assume you will get fed by friends or

family. Bring your own food! if you do it graciously and share, or

offer to share, no one should be uspset, and if they are too bad for

them! they are obviously not meeting your needs, and food is a

need.

 

When I bring my own main dish this allows me to relax and not even

worry if there will be anything edible to me. It is amazing how

people manage to make meat dishes out of things that were never

meant to have meat, or could benefit tastewise from being made

vegetarian, like salads, beans, etc. Maybe you will be able to eat

the desserts at your family gatherings?

 

Also, as other members have pointed out, most likely your family

will respect your choice after you prove to them it is not a fad.

However, after 26 years, I still encounter troubles from time to

time myself. Not with my family (they have accepted my choice by

now), but wiht new friends for example. A few weeks ago we were

invited to a steam pot (vietnamese) at a friends of my sweetie's

house, and they cooked the meat in the boiling water and then I was

expected to put tofu in it. I just ate it uncooked and did not eat

very much. It is always hard the first time, next time I will eat

dinner before going there (another solution for you). Then you can

just have the dessert. One of my problems is that I do get really

hungry (I exercise a lot), and I am not in a very good mood if I

cannot eat. I suppose most of us are this way?

 

Good luck!

 

, " Ashley "

<purplemoonanimal wrote:

>

> Hello everyone!

> I'm a relatively new, college-bound, vegetarian. First of all, I

really

> love this group. The recipes and everything are so helpful.

> However, I was wondering, how did you guys get your families to

accept

> your choice? I officially told my family in October. Unfortunately

> almost everyone in my family, except my Grandmother, doesn't

> understand. I continue to politely turn down meat every time they

make

> it for me or in the case of my father and younger brother, they

tease

> me about it.

> Can anyone recommend some simple and polite methods for reminding

them

> that I am a vegetarian and don't appreciate the abuse?

> I've already tried talking to them, but they just seem

to " forget " .

>

> Thanks.

>

 

 

 

 

 

 

Natural Hair & Skin Care Products For Men & Women

www.najmasnaturals.co.uk

 

 

[Guest guest]

I started bringing my own meals to family get togethers. I simply told them

that I enjoy sharing mealtime with them but that doesn't mean I have to share

their actual meal. They still don't get it and I still get " teased " about it. A

few times I have had to be a bit nasty. I am raising my daughter veg and my mom

keeps trying to get her to eat chicken or turkey...like a bird is not an

animal...we just have to resign ourselves that people are enlightened at

different times and sometimes not at all on various issues. Stay strong in your

convictions.

Stephanie

 

 

" Todays Mighty Oak Is Just Yesterdays Nut

That Held It's Ground. "

 

 

 

Got a little couch potato?

Check out fun summer activities for kids.

 

 

[Guest guest]

When DH and I started talking about going veg to his family, they really

didn't notice. When DH's 14 year old niece came home from school one day

(only about a week after our announcement) and said she was looking into a

vegetarian diet, the family attacked her. They told her that her skin will

start to get pasty and she'll get bags under her eyes, that her bones will

start to break down and she'll probably get very sick by depriving herself

of what her body needs. Last week, my BIL and his wife announced that they

were going vegetarian and eventually going vegan on doctor's orders and the

family couldn't stop praising that doctor and saying what a great move it

will be for them!

 

Elizabeth

 

 

 

Stephanie Scott <stargazerlily72

 

 

Re: New Veg Troubles

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:53:41 -0700 (PDT)

 

I started bringing my own meals to family get togethers. I simply told them

that I enjoy sharing mealtime with them but that doesn't mean I have to

share their actual meal. They still don't get it and I still get " teased "

about it. A few times I have had to be a bit nasty. I am raising my daughter

veg and my mom keeps trying to get her to eat chicken or turkey...like a

bird is not an animal...we just have to resign ourselves that people are

enlightened at different times and sometimes not at all on various issues.

Stay strong in your convictions.

Stephanie

 

" Todays Mighty Oak Is Just Yesterdays Nut

That Held It's Ground. "

 

 

Got a little couch potato?

Check out fun summer activities for kids.

 

 

[Guest guest]

How about when they say, " oh, just this once won't hurt anything "

[Guest guest]

Then you respond:

 

Yes it will. I am so sorry but I have lost the ability to digest meat,

so eating this would make me sick and throw up. You do not want this

to happen during this gathering do you? (with me it happens to be

true and it will be so with most people if you do not eat meat for a

long time)

 

, " Kim " <beadyeyedbrat

wrote:

>

> How about when they say, " oh, just this once won't hurt anything "

>

[Guest guest]

I don't think we need to use hyperbole to make our points, just tell

the truth the best that we can. Anyone who wants to think objectively

for a minute can easily come up with the five or six main reasons why

it's better that people behave as vegetarians. It's healthier, more

humane, better for the planet and it even costs less, now and later,

when you consider medical care. It's pretty easy to say that just

about that briefly and politely so that it's not too much like

preaching or a lecture. To anyone who insists, or wants to debate, I

explain it as a moral behavior and a metaphor I believe in, that

people should consciously behave in a way that promotes compassion and

reduces cruelty in the world, the best they can. Anyone who wants to

tease, can be teased back, but only enough to show that you don't take

your position from being weak or stupid. The reasons are always there.

Think of it like Mr. Spock (or G.B. Shaw or Buddha). There is of

course a perverse psychology that causes some omnivores to bait

vegetarians and just cannot leave them alone, and we should be aware

so we don't waste too much time playing into that.

 

Slim

 

 

 

, " cabrita_trl "

<roseta_lleo wrote:

>

> Then you respond:

>

> Yes it will. I am so sorry but I have lost the ability to digest meat,

> so eating this would make me sick and throw up. You do not want this

> to happen during this gathering do you? (with me it happens to be

> true and it will be so with most people if you do not eat meat for a

> long time)

>

> , " Kim " <beadyeyedbrat@>

> wrote:

> >

> > How about when they say, " oh, just this once won't hurt anything "

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I don't ever give a reason other than personal choice when asked...I don't

owe anyone an explanation as to why I do what I do just as they don't owe me

one...you don't see us asking why they eat meat.....it's so funny how

defensive people get....if it was any other food item and we said we're

allergic and that would end the conversation....

 

On 6/15/07, slim_langer <slim_langer wrote:

>

> I don't think we need to use hyperbole to make our points,

>

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

I do know people who are very allergic to various meats and fish. So, if I'm in

a situation where someone is becoming .... shall we say, " testy " ....... about my

food choices, I just say that I'm allergic. It seems to diffuse the situation.

 

Denise

the other one

 

 

-------------- Original message --------------

" Nicole W. " <cdwdnw

I don't ever give a reason other than personal choice when asked...I don't

owe anyone an explanation as to why I do what I do just as they don't owe me

one...you don't see us asking why they eat meat.....it's so funny how

defensive people get....if it was any other food item and we said we're

allergic and that would end the conversation....

 

On 6/15/07, slim_langer <slim_langer wrote:

>

> I don't think we need to use hyperbole to make our points,

>

 

 

[Guest guest]

My sentiments exactly! It's a nontraditional choice to be vegi & so many

people don't understand. I've been meat-free for 30+ years (I personally don't

think that there is another ethical choice) and find it much easier to take

control of my own food rather than assuming that others will " get it. "

 

I get cranky without enough filling food also--and I really don't want to

just eat white bread rolls when I go to a friend's house--so it's easier to

ensure my own good nutrition myself.

 

Heidi

 

 

cabrita wrote:

The best thing to do is never assume you will get fed by friends or

family. Bring your own food! if you do it graciously and share, or

offer to share, no one should be uspset, and if they are too bad for

them! they are obviously not meeting your needs, and food is a

need.

 

 

 

 

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

I don't see it as hyberbole, since it is the truth.

 

Option 1: I cannot eat meat (even once) because it will make me

sick. This is non-confrontational, but firm. No means no. As with

allergies, people will tend to leave you alone.

 

Option 2: I will not eat meat because it is WRONG. This implies

that the person offering the meat is doing something wrong. This is

when they get defensive and in most cases a real pain in the & %$#@

to deal with. Also, why should we have to explain our choices?

Food should be a celebration, not an occasion for confrontation or

discord.

 

 

, " Nicole W. " <cdwdnw

wrote:

>

> I don't ever give a reason other than personal choice when

asked...I don't

> owe anyone an explanation as to why I do what I do just as they

don't owe me

> one...you don't see us asking why they eat meat.....it's so funny

how

> defensive people get....if it was any other food item and we said

we're

> allergic and that would end the conversation....

>

> On 6/15/07, slim_langer <slim_langer wrote:

> >

> > I don't think we need to use hyperbole to make our points,

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I understand. We all have our ways and they may even change depending

on who we're talking to and how we feel we'll be received. We don't

owe anyone an explanation, that's true. But the whole situation is

coming about because people are curious and questioning us about our

behavior, even being solicitous of our health. So if we are kind,

patient, brief AND firm we have the opportunity to show by example

that vegetarians are rational and caring people. Plant a seed in a

non-threatening and non-challenging way and it can grow later, most

probably with a person who was overhearing the conversation and we

weren't even thinking about.

 

Slim

 

 

 

, " cabrita_trl "

<roseta_lleo wrote:

>

> I don't see it as hyberbole, since it is the truth.

>

> Option 1: I cannot eat meat (even once) because it will make me

> sick. This is non-confrontational, but firm. No means no. As with

> allergies, people will tend to leave you alone.

>

> Option 2: I will not eat meat because it is WRONG. This implies

> that the person offering the meat is doing something wrong. This is

> when they get defensive and in most cases a real pain in the & %$#@

> to deal with. Also, why should we have to explain our choices?

> Food should be a celebration, not an occasion for confrontation or

> discord.

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/15/2007 6:52:18 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

puterwitch writes:

 

I became a vegetarian at first for spiritual reasons, then it became health

reasons also, .... Now I just do it to piss everyone off.

 

 

LOL love that one, Chanda!!

 

 

 

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

, " Nicole W. " <cdwdnw wrote:

it's so funny how defensive people get....if it was any other food

item and we said we're allergic and that would end the conversation....

 

Some people actually are allergic to meat. I didn't know this until

my brother developed an allergy to pork.

 

I just tell new people that I don't like meat b/c it tastes nasty.

This seems to satisfy most people are just being nosy, and don't

really care about my moral, ethical, or nutritional convictions. If

they are truly interested, they will ask for more info, and I'll be

happy to share!

[Guest guest]

I always say this, I heard it someplace an adopted it:

I became a vegetarian at first for spiritual reasons, then it became health

reasons also, .... Now I just do it to piss everyone off.

 

blessings,

Chanda

-

Nicole W.

Friday, June 15, 2007 9:01 AM

Re: Re: New Veg Troubles

 

 

I don't ever give a reason other than personal choice when asked...I don't

owe anyone an explanation as to why I do what I do just as they don't owe me

one...you don't see us asking why they eat meat.....it's so funny how

defensive people get....if it was any other food item and we said we're

allergic and that would end the conversation....

 

On 6/15/07, slim_langer <slim_langer wrote:

>

> I don't think we need to use hyperbole to make our points,

>

 

[Guest guest]

lOl great comeback Chanda, Sue

I try to avoid an arguement myself. I just say this works best for me

and drop it.

Sue

 

 

, " PuterWitch "

<puterwitch wrote:

>

> I always say this, I heard it someplace an adopted it:

> I became a vegetarian at first for spiritual reasons, then it

became health reasons also, .... Now I just do it to piss everyone

off.

>

> blessings,

> Chanda

> -

> Nicole W.

>

> Friday, June 15, 2007 9:01 AM

> Re: Re: New Veg Troubles

>

>

> I don't ever give a reason other than personal choice when

asked...I don't

> owe anyone an explanation as to why I do what I do just as they

don't owe me

> one...you don't see us asking why they eat meat.....it's so funny

how

> defensive people get....if it was any other food item and we said

we're

> allergic and that would end the conversation....

>

> On 6/15/07, slim_langer <slim_langer wrote:

> >

> > I don't think we need to use hyperbole to make our points,

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

I just say I'm vegetarian and now do I need to put on my boxing

gloves? -LOL- Joseph

 

, " J.C. Julian "

<niflovesditto4ever wrote:

>

> , " Nicole W. " <cdwdnw@>

wrote:

> it's so funny how defensive people get....if it was any other food

> item and we said we're allergic and that would end the

conversation....

>

> Some people actually are allergic to meat. I didn't know this until

> my brother developed an allergy to pork.

>

> I just tell new people that I don't like meat b/c it tastes nasty.

> This seems to satisfy most people are just being nosy, and don't

> really care about my moral, ethical, or nutritional convictions. If

> they are truly interested, they will ask for more info, and I'll be

> happy to share!

>

[Guest guest]

>

> LOL love that one, Chanda!!

>

>

>

 

Me too! I'm not vegetarian but I cook and eat quite a bit

of vegetarian meals. I never pick at anyone. I think many omni's

associate vegetarians with animal rights extremist and they put up the

defense expecting a verbal altercation.

That's just my opinion since I've heard it from many omni's.

 

Mark

[Guest guest]

*lol* I've said that before... but it was for health reasons first... then it

became spiritual and eventually it was fun just to piss people off

 

Denise G.

-

PuterWitch

Friday, June 15, 2007 6:35 PM

Re: Re: New Veg Troubles

 

 

I always say this, I heard it someplace an adopted it:

I became a vegetarian at first for spiritual reasons, then it became health

reasons also, .... Now I just do it to piss everyone off.

 

blessings,

Chanda

-

Nicole W.

Friday, June 15, 2007 9:01 AM

Re: Re: New Veg Troubles

 

I don't ever give a reason other than personal choice when asked...I don't

owe anyone an explanation as to why I do what I do just as they don't owe me

one...you don't see us asking why they eat meat.....it's so funny how

defensive people get....if it was any other food item and we said we're

allergic and that would end the conversation....

 

On 6/15/07, slim_langer <slim_langer wrote:

>

> I don't think we need to use hyperbole to make our points,

>