Guest guest Posted January 12, 2002 Report Share Posted January 12, 2002 oh bloody hell if ya want sex, then ya want sex if ya don't..ya don't no one should say whether ya should or shouldn't..its a personal choice if ya want to be celibate, be celibate, if ya want to fawk 253 folks in a day, more power to ya..if ya want to snuggle, go for it wots the big deal??? *confused* fraggle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2002 Report Share Posted January 12, 2002 Peter wrote: > > Hi Ian > > > Is this something you'd say about any single aspect of a relationship? > > Or just sex? (this = it shouldn't be a show-stopper) > > Any aspect. Hrm. So which aspects of a relationship do you need to find out before you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, and which can wait until after? The usual conservative morality is that sex, because of its unique intimacy (its importance to the relationship), and because it could create another life, should wait until after the decision is made. > > If I understand you correctly, you are saying that if you enjoy > > someone's company a little (not much, but more than negligible), then > > you should stay in the relationship despite another element (namely the > > lovemaking) being awful? > > I'd say, if you enjoy someone's company only a little (not much more than > negligible), then I would classify it as a poor basis for a friendship, let > alone a romantic relationship. So you accept that something can be a show-stopping issue (even as the proverbial straw on the camel's back), without the implication that everything else in the relationship, including company, is negligible? > > Personally, I would want to enjoy someone's company more than a little > > to stick in the relationship anyway . > > Definitely - but for me, poor sex wouldn't be an issue in such a > relationship because it wouldn't get that far in the first place! Right. We have that settled. I'm just trying to determine exactly what you mean here .. is it that for you enjoying each others company is all important, and everything else (sex, agreeing about children, career, lifeplans) is negligible? > BB > Peter -- Ian McDonald http://www.tardis.ed.ac.uk/~type40/alternative.html http://travel.to/startrekcolony - Star Trek: Colony site & .mov http://www.tardis.ed.ac.uk/~type40/who-rpg.html - Dr. Who RPGs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2002 Report Share Posted January 12, 2002 Ian > Right. We have that settled. I'm just trying to determine exactly what > you mean here .. is it that for you enjoying each others company is all > important, and everything else (sex, agreeing about children, career, > lifeplans) is negligible? I know you don't like people butting in on conversations but I couldn't resist this one. For me, if you enjoy each others company (i.e. want to be together all the time) then you tend to agree on most of the other serious issues of life, and if you don't naturally agree you tend to work lovingly towards a good compromise that leaves both parties happy. I also think that getting to know someone involves a lot of talking and discussion, and I think some of this takes place before you realise you want to spend a lot of time with them. It is quite likely that during these discussions you will have gained some ideas on their views on sex, children, lifeplans etc. It is the realisation of likenesses and good interactions that make you want to spend more time with someone. This whole process doesn't have to take a long time - a few days, a few weeks. It is probably at this stage where you decide on your commitment, whether you put it into words or not. Sex is a good thing, but as I have said previously, to my mind should go with love and caring. If two people love and care for each other they overcome obstacles and find ways of pleasing each other. Jo (with Colin since we were 18) Ah yes, but ... --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.313 / Virus Database: 174 - Release 02/01/02 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2002 Report Share Posted January 12, 2002 Hi Ian > Hrm. So which aspects of a relationship do you need to find out before > you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, and which can > wait until after? This is a really curious question. Are you saying that you make a conscious desicion about what relationship you are going (or would like) to have with someone the moment you meet them? > > I'd say, if you enjoy someone's company only a little (not much more than > > negligible), then I would classify it as a poor basis for a friendship, let > > alone a romantic relationship. > So you accept that something can be a show-stopping issue (even as the > proverbial straw on the camel's back), without the implication that > everything else in the relationship, including company, is negligible? Did you read what I said? I ask because your " response " doesn't make any sense to me - I can not understand how you have interpreted what I have said in this way. Please explain. > Right. We have that settled. I'm just trying to determine exactly what > you mean here .. is it that for you enjoying each others company is all > important, and everything else (sex, agreeing about children, career, > lifeplans) is negligible? It seems to me that you view all relationships as a very black and white issue - would this be an accurate assessment? BB Peter --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.313 / Virus Database: 174 - Release 02/01/02 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2002 Report Share Posted January 12, 2002 Peter wrote: > > Hi Ian > > > Hrm. So which aspects of a relationship do you need to find out before > > you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, and which can > > wait until after? > > This is a really curious question. Are you saying that you make a conscious > desicion about what relationship you are going (or would like) to have with > someone the moment you meet them? I have no idea where you got that from. The only " decision point " I talked about was the moment you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone. I mentioned it whilst asking which aspects of the relationship you'd want to know about before deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone. > > > I'd say, if you enjoy someone's company only a little (not much more > than > > > negligible), then I would classify it as a poor basis for a friendship, > let > > > alone a romantic relationship. > > So you accept that something can be a show-stopping issue (even as the > > proverbial straw on the camel's back), without the implication that > > everything else in the relationship, including company, is negligible? > > Did you read what I said? I ask because your " response " doesn't make any > sense to me - I can not understand how you have interpreted what I have said > in this way. Please explain. I'm referring back to what you said earlier, which has, unfortunately, been snipped. From memory, you seemed to say that only someone who thought how well you got on with your partner was of negligible importance would consider sex a potentially show-stopping question. This viewpoint, which seems very black and white to me, is the one I'm trying to challenge. > > Right. We have that settled. I'm just trying to determine exactly what > > you mean here .. is it that for you enjoying each others company is all > > important, and everything else (sex, agreeing about children, career, > > lifeplans) is negligible? > > It seems to me that you view all relationships as a very black and white > issue - would this be an accurate assessment? The assessment would be, and forgive the scatology, but I do want to emphasize this point, complete bollocks. With respect to this topic, I'm only talking in dichotomies when attempting to summarise what I think you're trying to say. In my view, there are many elements to a relationship, and when you decide to marry someone, all the elements count. -- Ian McDonald http://www.tardis.ed.ac.uk/~type40/alternative.html http://travel.to/startrekcolony - Star Trek: Colony site & .mov http://www.tardis.ed.ac.uk/~type40/who-rpg.html - Dr. Who RPGs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2002 Report Share Posted January 12, 2002 Jo wrote: > > Ian > > > Right. We have that settled. I'm just trying to determine exactly what > > you mean here .. is it that for you enjoying each others company is all > > important, and everything else (sex, agreeing about children, career, > > lifeplans) is negligible? > > I know you don't like people butting in on conversations but I couldn't > resist this one. What gave you that impression? Perhaps someone butted in once and I didn't think their manner was helpful or something. The more the merrier . > For me, if you enjoy each others company (i.e. want to be together all the > time) then you tend to agree on most of the other serious issues of life, > and if you don't naturally agree you tend to work lovingly towards a good > compromise that leaves both parties happy. In most cases, I'd agree. But I can think of counter-examples from the experience of my friends. > Sex is a good thing, but as I have said previously, to my mind should go > with love and caring. If two people love and care for each other they > overcome obstacles and find ways of pleasing each other. Ah yes, but the universe doesn't give us a guarantee of that. > Jo > (with Colin since we were 18) I'm glad to hear it. My mum met my dad when she was 16. > Ah yes, but ... > -- Ian McDonald http://www.tardis.ed.ac.uk/~type40/alternative.html http://travel.to/startrekcolony - Star Trek: Colony site & .mov http://www.tardis.ed.ac.uk/~type40/who-rpg.html - Dr. Who RPGs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2002 Report Share Posted January 12, 2002 You make me laugh Fraggle! ;-) Janey x - <EBbrewpunx Saturday, January 12, 2002 9:30 PM Re: What does a relationship need? > oh bloody hell > if ya want sex, then ya want sex > if ya don't..ya don't > no one should say whether ya should or shouldn't..its a personal choice > if ya want to be celibate, be celibate, if ya want to fawk 253 folks in a > day, more power to ya..if ya want to snuggle, go for it > wots the big deal??? > *confused* > fraggle > > > To send an email to - > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2002 Report Share Posted January 14, 2002 In a message dated 1/12/02 2:19:51 PM Pacific Standard Time, jane.cuming writes: << You make me laugh Fraggle! ;-) Janey >> better than making ya vomit or cough i guess fraggle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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